In Ten Minutes
by crowind
Summary: There must be a difference between having a good reason to quit and having no good reason to continue. Members may come and go, but Roselia will go on as it started, with the two of them. Between Yukina and herself, Sayo has always thought it was so self-evident as needn't to be said. [Sequel to A Season for Fireflies]
1. The old blue gone into clouds

_I wasn't going to write a sequel, but then I remembered I'd dropped Yuki&Sayo subplot, and watched Ewigkweit's Shin Ai, and the rest is history. Despite what it might look like, this sequel is a different kind of story from its predecessor. _

_Takes place a few months after A Season For Fireflies. For those who don't want to read it: Lisa broke her arm and later decided to quit Roselia for 40K words of ~reasons that Sayo doesn't quite understand yet._

_Title is taken liberally from Shin Ai._

* * *

**I.** **The old blue gone into clouds**

_… let's get it over with, success or failure, it'll be something to laugh at in ten years…_

"Hina!"

The door finally opened just as Sayo's fist struck for the tenth time. Hina somehow twirled out of the way, giggling like they were playing together all along. Sayo alternated between apologizing and telling Hina to be careful, and also to turn down the deafening music. It was a rare Saturday morning that wasn't booked by Roselia, and Sayo was trying to study, and PasuPare's brand of bubblegum pop was not conducive to it.

"What on earth are you listening to that has to be so loud?" Sayo said after Hina had turned the volume to a level that allowed conversation.

Hina pulled Sayo into her room. As usual it was a mess; immediately Sayo stepped on the sharp edge of a textbook, the other foot on a stack of paper. She picked it up — it was a printout of a… "handbook" was printed in English on the corner. A promotional material from an American college?

Grinning mischievously, Hina said, "I thought you'd want to listen to it, too! Oh, but you might've heard it from Lisa-chi herself."

"Heard what?"

Hina answered, "PasuPare's newest single! We were finally releasing Afterglow's song after sitting on it for a year. But we needed a bibbity B-side, so Chisato-chan bullied Lisa-chi into writing one. That way we could sell it as 'songs by teenage girls for teenage girls'. Didn't she tell you?"

"Who?" Sayo said irritably, though she knew Hina didn't mean Shirasagi. A migraine commonly associated with talking to Hina started pounding on her temple. "And why should I have heard about it? Never mind, play it from the beginning."

"Y.O.L.O!?"

"Yes, yes, we only live once, now let me listen to the B-side."

Hina fiddled with the boombox she must have hauled up from the living room. Another thing to tell her off, later. For now Sayo stood on the least booby-trapped part of Hina's room and listened.

The song was an exercise in frustration. Time and again it would take her down a familiar path only to swerve into an unexpected direction, and not a satisfying one. The worst part was that Sayo could imagine Roselia playing it, Roselia on their deathbed selling out to the idol scene.

As the music faded, Hina hit the pause button and turned to Sayo, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "So, so, so?"

"Was it all from Imai-san, both the lyrics and the composition?"

"Nah, the score literally says 'Hina improv' here and there, and our studio usually touch things up. Dunno the exact details, though. Chisato-chan might know more. Lisa-chi didn't tell you anything?"

Not at all, neither this new, semi-professional gig, nor the thank you gift for Hello, Happy World; not a single word despite Sayo's explicit interest in anything Imai would create.

As Sayo simmered in brooding silence, Hina answered her own question. "Is it because she quit Roselia? Yanno, Yukina-chan's still not talking to her, even though they're in the same class. Oooh, you're making a weird face, did I say something wrong?"

Sayo shook her head, as if in an attempt to shake away the clouds in her mind. So what if Imai's new composition wasn't to her liking — it had been meant for PasuPare, not Roselia. But there was a relief there, too, that Imai hadn't abandoned music entirely. Had in fact treaded new grounds on her own, and quickly, much quicker than Sayo had expected her to. If the single came out today, the song's commission must have been not farther than a month after Imai's resignation. Sayo could only hope Shirasagi Chisato had ensured Imai would be paid yhandsomely.

"I'm trying to study, so keep it down."

"Aw, but it's still summer break."

"Even so, it wouldn't hurt to start preparing for university entrance exams." Sayo frowne at Hina for a different reason. "Are you… Hina, are you sure you're not going to enroll in any degrees at all?" Her announcement that high school would be the end of her academic life had earned her more parental wrath in a night than both their entire lives combined.

Hina tapped her chin. "Weelll. They all look interesting, but I also don't really have anything I want to study, either."

"Not even astronomy or astrophysics?" Sayo said, pushing the old bitterness down. Hina would excel at either; she'd excel at anything. From bachelorate straight to a doctorate in less than ten years. If she wanted to, for more than a day. Maybe that was the only edge Sayo had ever had over her.

Very simply, Hina said, "N-ope, academia's gonna take the fun out of it, yanno? Besides PasuPare is getting swinging, and Chisato-chan said we mightn't want to lose the momentum. She thinks we can go national in a few years. Chisato-chan, being zippidy-do! Wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Confronted with a new Hina phrase, Sayo opted to switch the subject. What about studying abroad? She waved the handbook. Impossibly, Hina brightened up even more. "Oh, that! So Rinko-chan said she was going to London for a piano diploma and then Maya-chan knew someone in the studio who's studied abroad and we got talking and anyway you can have it. You should go for it, Onee-chan!"

"… Apply to this school. But why?" She was reminded of Minato's disdain of formalk education — of institutions in general when it came to music. Sayo could hear her imperious voice, resounding with doubt, _'What does America have that Japan doesn't? What does the West know about visual kei?'_

Hina had sparks in her eyes. Her gaze was far away, as though seeing a future only she could see. "A lot of things! The world is so much bigger than Japan! All those funny foreigners and their boppin' culture making up their music. Maybe you'll actually get to see your favourite bands live! Or, oooh, how's this, my sister the globe-boppin' guitarist!"

"That's even more incomprehensible than usual," Sayo muttered, acerbic only out of habit. But she glanced at her sister; like looking in the mirror, the same searchlight gaze shone back at her. Bright green eyes, wide open to catch the slightest change in their ever fluctuating boundaries. Sayo wasn't sure what to make of this one. As a test, she said, "I have Roselia."

Hina nodded solemnly. "That's why you should go international. Meet even more kinds of people and music. Bring them to Roselia, or Roselia to them if you have to. Lately it feels like you're getting shrinky."

"…Shrinky." The repetition wasn't quite enlightening as to Hina's meaning, but it struck a chord all the same. The same feeling as when she had listened to Imai's new song. Was she… finally able to speak Hina's language at last?

"Yeah, like a vacuum-wrapped futon!" Hina said, as confusing as ever. All was right with the world.

"…Right. Put the boombox back where it belongs before Mother comes home." Sayo turned to make her exit. The conversation was over, but she hesitated by the door. "Hina, could I borrow the CD — "

"Oh, I ripped the track and sent it to your LINE… just now!" Hina snickered as Sayo's phone buzzed, audible through the walls. "Have fun at Lisa-chi's! Hey, maybe I should crash at Rinko-chan's place. That NFO game must be really boppin' if you gotta have a sleepover to study."

—

"Hold on, Hina told you to, essentially, go to the other side of the world? And she didn't say anything like, 'take me with you, Onee-chan!'" Imai's imitation of Hina was several octaves higher.

"No, and she doesn't sound that grating normally," Sayo said as she concentrated on scrubbing the mixing bowl.

The very same afternoon, she was holed up in Imai's house as scheduled, once again making cookies together. Baking cookies uwas straightforward: proceed with the tried and true procedures, and results would follow. The criteria for evaluation was clear, and the feedback obvious and immediate. Human relationships… were not as simple. Sayo hadn't needed help making cookies in some time, but she'd learnt that time needed to be made. So she was in Imai's kitchen making cookies for Roselia, and before she knew it she was complaining about Hina.

"Huh. What do you know, even Hina's maturing a bit. So… what's bothering you?" Presently Imai looked up from where she was wiping the counter.

After some thought, Sayo answered, slightly frustrated, "I'd thought talking to you would reveal what it was."

"Ahaha, I'm flattered, I think. Okay, I'll throw until something sticks. Could it be your wish came true but it turns out you only thought you wanted it?"

Sayo shook her head. She didn't have a problem with Hina not following her, actually she felt lighter. "No? Then could it be that you're feeling like Hina doesn't need you anymore? Like yeah, she's growing up, but you also have less purpose as her sister?"

_Is that why you left Roselia?_ Sayo kept the question firmly under lid. Imai's answer changed with each confrontation, until their final session together where Sayo felt they finally got somewhere close to the truth. Closer, but still very much not the whole truth. Sayo wanted to know as much as she didn't want to know, but in the end she decided Imai would talk about it when she was ready. And, she chided herself, it wasn't as if Imai was under any obligation to tell her.

Imai had made her choice; Sayo had made hers. Imai had believed Roselia would thrive without her, Sayo had vowed to never betray her trust. Though she had always meant to take Roselia as high as she could, there was now an additional weight to her resolve. In her mind these two conditions were entwined: Sayo as Roselia's guitarist would reach the pinnacle, and Imai would find a place where she could shine brighter than ever.

Yet when Imai went ahead and did just that, Sayo couldn't summon happiness for her. Rather the opposite, and for reasons unknown, which was more than a little vexing.

Watching Sayo brood, Imai came to the wrong conclusion. "Hey, don't think too much of it. I'm sure Hina still loves you and wants nothing but the best for you. Maybe she thinks that means letting go, or even pushing you away."

"Could she have learned that from you, Imai-san? Is that why you left Roselia?" Sayo hadn't meant to say it, but now that she had, she couldn't but gaze straight ahead, demanding an answer.

Gray eyes wavered guilty as charged; or livid at a truce broken. A blink and it was gone, replaced with a smile. "What are you talking about, Sayo? And you get mad at me when I change the subject suddenly," she said pleasantly, as though giving Sayo a chance to recover from her lapse.

The kitchen timer went off then. Shifting her eyes away, Sayo was struck by the afternoon summer sun. As she moved to close the curtains, Imai pulled out the results of today's session.

"Looks great! Can I have one?"

"Please do, it's your parents' kitchen."

"Hey, what's with the pedantry?"

"I'm concerned the portion I set aside wouldn't reach them."

"Wow. Wooow. Such slander!"

Imai laughed, accepted a tribute cookie and broke it into two. Of the two dozens, Imai set two aside for Sayo, and, as requested by the latter, six for her parents. Grumbling, "They're supposed to be watching their blood sugar level at their age, you know."

"So you see, I was right to doubt your integrity," Sayo shot back. She felt inexplicable relief when Imai very maturely stuck her tongue out. Such was Sayo and Imai's quarrelsome mood, easily vanquished by sweets and dry humor.

The rest of the cookies were put in groups of three to cool off before being packed. Sayo hadn't mentioned whom the cookies were for, but she would be more surprised if Imai hadn't guessed. Sayo had only ever baked cookies for Roselia. This, too, she had learned from Imai.

Still, Imai caught her off guard when she said, "Aren't Roselia's songs like cookies, when you think about it?"

Mistaking Sayo's silence as a sign of interest, Imai continued. So, she said, rubbing her palms together. Clearly it was a pet theory she'd had marinating in the back of her head for a while. It went like this: insofar that the process for writing songs could be likened to making sweets – because, after all, Sayo was talking to Imai Lisa – Afterglow was pancake, PoPiPa was pound cake, and HaroHapi was pudding. That cookie wasn't likened to PasuPare seemed to Sayo an almost offensive gaffe. Roselia, cookie cutter, never.

Imai's angle, as usual, was different. There was wistfulness in her voice. The members of Roselia were the different ingredients of cookies, each an expert of her respective instrument. "And then you mix them together, and you have the cookie cutter giving the batter a shape. That's Yukina… her vocals, I mean. Her, what, musicality, aesthetics, sense, you know what I mean. Roselia is whatever Minato defines it to be, at the end of the day. Finally, it only becomes a cookie if you put the cookie batter in the oven, and we only see Roselia as it's meant to be on the stage."

"It could also be taken to mean that Roselia's songs are formulaic." It irritated Sayo to hear Imai talking about Roselia as though she still had a right to it. And at the same time she was inordinately pleased, so much so that she contemplated the crude analogy.

Take Imai's new song, for example. The lighthearted, even girlish diction that failed to cover the anxiety in the lyrics, the instrumentation seemingly extracted from Roselia's discography and re-cast in PasuPare's mold. Sayo thought that was why the song had disturbed her so: a veritable proof that Roselia's sound was becoming stale, easily imitated and translated into another brand. Sayo wondered what Minato would make of her theory. Though at the same time she didn't want to be present when Minato discovered Imai was writing for other bands.

Imai scratched her cheek, taking Sayo's brusque answer in stride as always. "I thought you'd say that. Don't tell Yukina?"

"We don't talk about you at all," she said, slightly annoyed Imai thought she was the gossiping type. She almost missed the shutter falling on Imai's expression. Hastily, Sayo added, "We don't talk much about other people to begin with."

Imai snorted. "Well, why would you? It's a waste of time, gossiping. Come on, I want to get some homework done before making dinner."

They decamped to Imai's room with a tray of tea and cookies. The corkboard above the desk had acquired more notes since Sayo's last visit. At a glance there was a monthly calendar in addition to the weekly one, and a menagerie of university brochures. Everything else seemed the same. The pang as she passed the empty guitar stand, the blue dog plush blocking the way to the veranda… Sayo's eyes being drawn to one after another in quick successions.

"You really do like dogs," Imai commented. At some point while ascending the stairs she seemed to have regained her cheer.

"I-it's just that you're not in the habit of leaving things on the floor." And on a closer look, the doll looked more ragged than its comrades on the bed.

"There's a cat like it in Yukina's room. We got them together from a festival game a long time ago. So you know her room's right across? Like, within a kid's throwing distance. Whenever we wanted to talk we'd throw these, you know, calling cat and dog. Then our parents found out and made us stop."

Imai walked over and picked the doll up as she spoke, smiling to herself as though Sayo wasn't present, and it was only her and her memories. Sayo averted her gaze, listlessly prepared her own books and stationery.

As she sat down before the low table Imai called her name. The dog plush landed on her lap. "Don't worry, that was a long time ago and I've washed the little guy since then."

Sayo rolled her eyes. Once again they fell on the empty guitar stand by the drawer, and the guitar case next to it. Her previous visit, Imai had noticed her staring and used the lost fine motor dexterity of her left hand as an excuse. This time… this time PasuPare's newest song still echoed in her mind. She held the doll close so as not to hinder her progress.

Finally Imai sat down and they could begin to work. For a while there was only silence and the problem sets before her. Hina hadn't guessed quite right: NFO was sometimes a considerable distraction, when Sayo allowed it to be. But today Sayo had sought refugee in the silence unique to Imai's place. Here, though she had her guitar with her, she wouldn't be distracted by Roselia. And when it was just the two of them, Imai proved to be a diligent student despite her extravagant appearance.

Soon it was time for break. Imai's parents were away on business trip. Sayo suspected in the past it would have been Minato standing in her place, helping Imai make dinner. In another, better time where the stars were aligned and Roselia was the best it could be. It wasn't a thought she liked to entertain for too long.

So Sayo obediently and quietly executed whatever tasks Imai set before her. "I guess this is good training for when you'll live abroad."

"Thank you," Sayo said sincerely, but Imai just gave her an odd look.

"Actually, what do you really think about it?"

Sayo didn't answer immediately, busy with peeling the potatoes as she was. "I haven't had the opportunity to research it. But I can't say I'm opposed to at least applying." It would be yet another test, a chance to evaluate herself.

"That's the spirit. Oh, and if you're done, if you could also start boiling water with that pot over there. And, uh, it might not be my place to say this…"

Sayo smirked. "When has that ever stopped you?"

"Wow, rude. Don't wait until you're, like, at the airport to let Yukina know, okay? Although if you asked her she'd say, 'What does America know about visual-kei?'"

It was a spot-on impression. Sayo couldn't help letting out a short laugh. "I will apprise Minato-san of anything that would affect Roselia. But at the moment there is no point in telling anyone when all I have is conjecture. And should it come to that point, I would rather tell them myself."

Imai mimed pulling a zipper on her mouth. Sayo was slightly skeptical, but there was nothing she could do about it. Anyway it wasn't a shameful secret, or a proper secret at all. She just preferred to let people know firsthand.

After dinner, as a guest Sayo had the first turn with the bathroom. The last item for the day was movie night, Imai's original pretext for the sleepover. Supposedly, though the drama itself was a little overwrought, even hackneyed, the soundtrack should be of interest to Sayo. While waiting for Imai to return, Sayo happened to check her phone. There was a message from Minato.

**Minato Yukina**: _Are you still at Lisa's place? I saw you came in earlier._

**Hikawa Sayo**: _Yes, I am staying overnight. How can I help you?_

**Minato Yukina**: _Come over to my house. There's something I'd like to talk about that concerns Roselia._

Minato had never invited Sayo to her house. Usually they would meet at the family restaurant or CiRCLE, before or after band sessions, for discussions the other members were not privy to. Sayo chanced a peek at the room beyond the veranda. Minato was sitting on her desk. When she noticed Sayo staring, she jerked her head imperiously. _Well, Sayo? What could be more important than Roselia?_

"What're you looking at? You seem tense, so it can't be a friendly neighborhood fluffy animal."

Startled, Sayo drew the curtain close. Imai had returned, half-wet hair still coiled with a towel. Staring at her unadorned face, seeming much younger without make up, made Sayo feel even more foolish. There was nothing to feel guilty about. Was there? "Minato-san wanted to see me."

"Ah," said Imai. Her smile came a split second late. "Well then, don't keep her waiting."

"But…" But she had meant to take a break from Roselia today. But already Imai was affecting a nonchalant air…. But whatever the case might be Sayo's gaze and attention was drawn to the neighboring house. "But I've made an appointment with you first," she finished reluctantly.

"We can always watch the movie later, or I could lend it to you."

"As Minato-san wishes, so it must be?" goaded Sayo, pulse pounding behind her ear. She squashed the sliver of guilt. Like this, thin brows furrowed, Imai was bound to answer honestly.

"Don't be silly, I just thought you wanted to go. It doesn't look like you'd be able to focus on anything else until you've talked to Yukina." Imai turned her palm up, a reconciliatory gesture, maybe. "Of course, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Well, it was honest enough, Sayo decided. "It shouldn't take too long," she promised.

"Just let me know if you do end up sleeping there, so I can lock up." Imai nodded, reaching for a book. A class-assigned classic novel whose completion she had celebrated. A mere prop, Sayo knew. If she'd gone through the trouble of concealing her emotions, the least Sayo could do was pretend she didn't see how badly.

—

Moments later, changed into her day clothes, Sayo approached the Minato's front entrance. The door swung open before she could ring the bell. Minato beckoned her inside and quietly Sayo did. Neither spoke until they were inside a certain room — a studio.

"It's soundproofed, so we can play music without disturbing my parents," Minato explained as she turned on the lights.

Minato gestured at Sayo to take the only other seat in the room, facing each other. On the desk between them were music sheets. Before she could take a closer look, Minato briskly said, "I hope you weren't in the middle of something important."

"No." It should have gone without saying. Neither Sayo nor Minato were pushovers, they would simply decline if the time wasn't right. And as Sayo thought about it, if it had to be said Minato should have asked earlier instead of now, with the air of ticking a checklist. The thought brought an image of Imai imposing a checklist of minimal social manners on her childhood friend. Ah, could it be that Minato was trying to — clumsily and reluctantly — inquire about Imai?

While Sayo was deciding whether she was overthinking it, Minato had already moved on. She rapped the desk for attention. On the desk was a mix of re-arrangement of their old songs and new songs. Notably, they were all only partially completed. "I'm assembling our next setlist," Minato said. "I think we should introduce at least one new song, but as you can see, I couldn't make any progress on my own."

Sayo unconsciously sat up. "Would you like me to take a look?"

"Of course. All these are at your disposal." Minato waved at the entire room. Sayo counted three guitars, a keyboard, and various percussive instruments strewn in a corner, not including the various amps and pieces of classical instruments, and even a car tire frame. Dimly, Sayo remembered a reference Imai had made to this room. Minato's father's sanctuary, where Minato Yukina the vocalist grew up permeated with her father's music like a lotus plant. Now that he had abandoned music, it had become Minato's sanctuary when she had run up against a gargantuan writer's block. Supposedly, Minato still didn't feel she was worthy of the studio. Sayo didn't exactly take Imai's words literally, but somehow she had expected something less mundane, and introduced with much less spontaneity.

Sayo mentally shook her head. Clearing all background noise. "If you say so, Minato-san."

Certain things became apparent in the wake of Imai's resignation. One, that without nostalgia dulling her ears Minato's standards were impossibly high; and she would not compromise. This Sayo agreed with. And the second was, as a result of said indomitable vision, Roselia's music must have a bassline even as they remained without a dedicated bass player. Shirokane's left hand couldn't be sacrificed as a substitute, nor could they make do with Sayo varying her guitar. They could, however, compensate with a simpler bassline that Minato could play while singing.

Sayo still didn't have a problem with this arrangement. She had never had cause to doubt Minato's prowess. More than the semantics in the lyrics, more than the interplay between harmony and rhythm, more than the striking image of their live performance, Minato always sought beyond these superficial elements. In a moment of weakness she had once plead ignorance of its exact form, let alone its name. To Sayo, who could barely see past the framework provided by music theory, it was enough that Minato caught glimpses of the elusive pinnacle. Sometimes she thought that rather than the band, she was really Minato's guitarist, pushing her forward, and in turn drawing the others closer to their goal. That was fine. But sometimes…

"I think this is fine as it is." Loath as she was to break the precious silence of productivity, Minato had asked for her opinion. Pointing to a section encircled with a lot of question marks, Sayo said, "Although if you'd allow me to borrow a guitar to confirm my reading."

Minato shook her head. "Never mind that part, that note was more for myself."

But sometimes Sayo wanted to see the mirage Minato was chasing, and hear its siren call. The cliche of two heads being better than one ought to apply to Roselia as well. Else there was no point in forming a band in the first place, in partnering up with Sayo.

Sometimes Sayo wondered if Minato saw their relationship the same way. "Then could it be that you have other concerns?"

Minato tilted her head, answering slowly. "I suppose you could call it that. About the hiatus."

"I have no objection to it." After all they had all exhausted their objections and arguments and finally, unanimously agreed to suspend Roselia's activities for an indefinite period, depending on the turnout of their post-graduation lives.

Impatiently, Minato crossed her arms. "No, not that. But in the event that the hiatus is inevitable, I am considering applying to several schools." She rattled off a number of famous music schools in the greater Tokyo area. Some of them Sayo recognised from Shirokane's list of schools under consideration, and her own.

"You've changed your mind on formal education, I see," Sayo said lightly.

Minato was, apparently, serious. "As I said, this is the sort of thing hiatuses are meant for. The lessons might be useful yet, but more importantly, we are sure to find a potential bassist for Roselia."

It was an unassailable logic. Students of a post-secondary music school should by rights be dedicated to their instrument.

…Nevertheless, Sayo wasn't sure what Minato wanted from her. She tried, "I, too, am planning to apply to the same. Ah, and Shirokane-san as well, with similar goals in mind."

The answer seemed to appease Minato. She nodded, and went back to scowling at the sheet before her. Minato was more inscrutable when she tried to be sociable. So it was with some measure of relief that Sayo followed her example and contemplated the problem of their setlist.

Minato liked to think she was above academia, and accordingly her grades hovered around the passing threshold. Now that she intended to enter university, she would have to work harder to make up for the imbalance. She would have to devote less time to Roselia. This was non-negotiable; Sayo would see to it, for Minato's own sake. Band rehearsals and individual practice sessions couldn't be sacrificed. Then, songwriting? As she hit on the thought, Sayo realised this must be the through line for Imai's foray into writing songs.

(And surely not the only one, for she continued writing while estranged from Minato.)

In any case, it wasn't a path Sayo could see herself undertaking, especially with the extra preparations she had to do for the American school. Writing songs wasn't the only thing Imai had undertaken for Roselia's sake, that Sayo could also imitate.

"Minato-san, what does the west know about visual kei?"

Minato looked up, eyes narrowed as though suspecting her own hearing, or Sayo's sanity. Perhaps because it was Minato and Sayo, two people too serious for anyone else but each other, she answered the question on face value. "I believe something resembling it rises above the morass occasionally, but I would look west for other kinds of music. What brought this on, Sayo?"

"I'm sorry, that was a little too sudden. I was merely thinking of covering songs in order to comprise our next few setlists."

"Covers," Minato said, tasting the word on her tongue.

Sayo's pitch didn't stop there. "I do not propose this to lower our standards, or because I think we desperately need to attract more audience. In a way it is a compromise between quality and our increasing responsibilities outside of Roselia. But I believe through the process we may more closely examine others' skills and techniques, and in re-arranging we may discover our own sound. Accordingly, I propose also that each member arrange their own parts separately, with your vocals as the base, and assemble the completed cover during rehearsals."

In other words, they would be making cookies, Roselia-style. Imai would split herself laughing if she knew. Minato considered her proposal for a long minute. "It's not an unattractive idea. Very well, let us give it a try at least once."

The rest of the night was spent on deciding on the song, and then recording Minato's singing, and the rest of it on the songs they were originally supposed to be working on. Not once did Sayo remember to check her phone. The next thing Sayo remembered was waking up slumped on the desk. It was almost afternoon, and Minato's mother was entering the studio, waking Minato with habitual exasperation. After excusing herself to Minato's mother, and her amused father, Sayo returned to Imai's house to retrieve her stuff. Proverbial tail tucked between legs, apologizing earnestly to a peevish Imai, she almost missed the red bass lounging on its stand, freed of its case.


	2. The color of the sea

_Chapter title is taken from Miiro._

* * *

**II. The color of the sea**

The hiatus was Minato's idea.

At the peak of summer even CiRCLE was booked from end to end. Minato and Sayo had both come earlier than scheduled. The collar of her shirt sticking uncomfortably to the neck, the lounge's sofa sinking to a level that would be bad for the back, together they perused separate music magazines in comfortable silence until Minato's voice grazed her ears. Minato's voice could fill a concert hall unaided if she wanted to. She could also pitch her voice so that it was as if she was whispering directly into Sayo's ear.

It took Sayo several seconds to process her words. "I beg your pardon?"

Minato repeated, "We, as Roselia, should enter hiatus after graduation," as though she was merely discussing the date for their next rehearsal. But the glint in her eye was one Sayo hadn't seen in a long time. As far back as when they were trying to take stock of each other, excited to discover a like mind, wary of stumbling into an irreconcilable difference.

Sayo wondered if she should have sensed something was wrong, like phases coming out of sync, that she couldn't return the same look. She felt a detached sort of wariness that couldn't even be blamed on the summer heat sapping her energy. "If you think it is good for the band," she replied evenly.

"Would I have proposed it otherwise?"

Neither said anything more as Shirokane and Udagawa arrived, a bit winded from running. And not much more was said on the subject unless it was in this manner. A passing fancy, your bored little sister daydreaming of summer vacation in the southern islands. And each time Sayo would answer the same way. And like that, talks about the hiatus ceased with the end of summer, and the return of school life.

* * *

The second term saw an increased responsibility for all of them. Shirokane's student committee work kept her at school longer. She looked frazzled all the time; and strangely she seemed to stand up straighter compared to their second year. Udagawa whined tearfully (but not seriously, Sayo thought) of struggling to adjust to the pace of high school. Even Minato had to concede she might have needed to allocate less time to practice and more to studying.

Sayo busied herself with learning English, and more solo guitar practice for the audition as well. Obtaining permission from her parents to at least send an application for studying abroad was surprisingly easy. In some light, they could be seen as being supportive.

Sayo had broached the subject one evening toward the end of summer holidays. It was one of the rare dinner where everyone was present from beginning to end. Hina was quiet, glancing at Sayo every so often as though she knew Sayo was working up a nerve. Once she was done, Father had just one question. The wrinkles on his brow deepening, he asked, "Does it have to be America?"

"After some research, I have narrowed it down to this one school. I will still take the national exams and proceed with my initial plans. For now America is only a means to evaluate myself as a musician."

Mother clicked her tongue. "We didn't raise you to be wishy-washy. Either you mean to graduate with the degree or don't apply at all."

Sayo lowered her head, chastised. "Even so, there is the matter of cost to consider. There are scholarships available that will cover at least one year of tuition fees and some living costs, provided that I am selected for one, but past that I must depend on your generosity."

Her parents looked at each other in spousal telepathy. Into this silence Hina said, "Okay! I'll send you all of my earnings!" In hindsight, Hina staying silent the entire time the discussion played out over dinner was a miracle.

Mother quickly admonished her. Apparently part of their ceasefire agreement was that Hina would prove she could live by herself, and provide for herself, and sustain a long-term career. So reminded, Hina said, "whoops" and went back to the sidelines.

As for Sayo, Mother's one question was, "What about your band — Roselia, is it?"

Is it just like any other bands Sayo had joined in the past, to be abandoned once they were of no use to her? Mother might not have known the full extent of Sayo's extracurricular activities, but apparently nothing escaped her sharp eyes. It was like looking at an adult Hina, sometimes. And like Hina, maybe all she wanted to see was Sayo's resolve. So she tried to explain. Rather than leaving Roselia, it was for Roselia that Sayo would consider leaving Japan at all. To challenge and hone herself, reaping knowledge outside of her original sphere of influence, all for the sake of reaching a greater height.

Once again her parents communed in silence. Then Father said, "Let's continue this when you have the acceptance letter in hand." He had a peculiar look. Sayo knew it well, it was one usually directed at Hina. A look full of all the hopes and dreams that were a parent's right, and a curse on the lesser children.

* * *

_"Well, I've never met your parents, but I'm sure they'd still support you even if Hina also wanted to go to uni abroad?"_

"They would," Sayo conceded reluctantly. Unconsciously her gaze drifted to the door in case Hina felt like barging into her room. Her voice was maybe even lower than usual. Somewhere at the back of her head she wondered if she wasn't treating Imai like a garbage bin for her Hina woes. And she had originally picked up her phone for a different purpose, too. "I suppose they would, although not without a little more resistance to the abroad part. But I…"

But her gut smoldered at the thought of getting Hina's leftover, and also at herself, for falling into the same petty jealousy again. "… But I'm just looking for an excuse to be envious of Hina. I'm sorry you had to listen to something unseemly."

_"I mean, I don't think you should beat yourself up over it either. Baby steps, Sayo! It's good that you recognized what you were doing."_

Sayo cleared her throat. "Yes, yes, I'll keep that in mind. But I was calling about something else. Would you mind, if you have the time, if it's not inconvenient, to have a session together? It doesn't have to be very long. I… need a second opinion."

On the repertoire meant for the audition for the American school, though Sayo wondered if Imai caught all that through her babbling. Over the phone she had no access to Imai's all-revealing expression. Was she shocked or annoyed? Or even laughing after muting her line so Sayo wouldn't hear. The other side was silent for longer than necessary. Was it so outrageous?

"I'm sorry, if it's too much trouble — "

_"N-not at all! It's just, it's usually Yukina's domain, and I'm not sure what else I can add after her."_

Oh. So it was insecurity, Imai's newfound bandmate. Sayo felt like an idiot for jumping to conclusions. And again as she floundered for the right response, finally arriving at, "Imai-san, I'm asking _you_, not Minato-san. Your opinion is invaluable to me." For one, while Imai was capable of producing something Minato might approve, she didn't necessarily have Minato's ear for music, maybe even the opposite. Of Roselia, but not completely subsumed under Roselia was the distinction Sayo was going for. It seemed more appropriate.

_"Oh, uh, thanks, I guess, this is the first time anyone's — anyway! Can I ask you something else?"_ Sayo made an affirmative noise. _"Are you somehow not going to tell Yukina about your plan?"_

"No, because there is no plan at the present. As long as I do not have the admission offer in hand, it remains a slim probability that does not merit Minato-san's attention. Rest assured, I will consult her when the time comes to make a choice."

_"Okay, I trust you. Sorry if I'm being a nag. It's not that I think Yukina would react badly to being the last to know, I'm just worrying too much over nothing, you know?"_

She did know: even on an indefinite timeout, Imai had only ever had eyes for Minato. "Thank you for your concern, but Minato-san will be fine."

* * *

Days turned into weeks into months. Sayo studied and practiced, practiced and studied. Roselia still held live performances and rehearsals apace. For want of time Sayo gave up her prime position in the kyuudo club's line up for the nationals. Her life seemed to have narrowed down to studying and guitar. Sayo couldn't honestly say she hated it, maybe even the opposite, but she did breathe easier when she finally had the audition for her abroad option. With one looming checkpoint crossed off, she could focus on her remaining responsibilities.

For one reason or another, it included making sure Minato would pass the national exams as well as the extra tests for the private schools she was considering. At first Minato seemed to be humoring her, agreeing to study sessions together with Shirokane. She even agreed on Sayo's hard rule of no discussion of music, and suffered her haranguing to study more often.

…Up to a point. One afternoon in Shirokane's library, Sayo caught Minato daydreaming one too many time, and as such might have chided her a little too harshly. Just a little. "Minato-san, if only you'd give this problem set the attention you'd give to our regular rehearsals, we would be finished much faster."

Minato put down her pencil and glared. "Sayo, aren't you trying too hard to be like Lisa?"

Sayo's first thought was that being Imai, being in the same class as and living next door to Minato would help immensely with getting Minato ready for the exams. But noting the venom with which Minato had said the name, she only inclined her head. "…Yes, Minato-san?"

Minato faltered for a second. Then apparently deciding Sayo was making fun of her, she said, "I don't know why I agreed to this farce, I can study well on my own."

Before either could stop her, Minato had packed her stuff and thanked Shirokane for having her over. She seemed to be back to her normal, aloof self as she said, "I'll see you at practice tomorrow… Sayo."

Sayo nodded absently, still preoccupied with Minato's accusation. Obviously Minato was annoyed by what she saw as nagging. But the comparison to Imai was unexpected. Rather revealing, too, so much so that even Shirokane felt compelled to comment on it. "I think Yukina-san meant… y-you are a caring person by nature… although maybe it's more… exercised after joining Roselia… and meeting Imai-san and Yukina-san…"

Imai had made the same observation. Then as now, Sayo couldn't deny it. "That might very well be true. And you've become a lot more assertive after joining Roselia, even up to taking over the leadership of the student council. It appears that Roselia comes with beneficial side effects for all of us."

For all but Imai, Sayo thought ruefully. But maybe for Imai it had always been the other way around. The side benefit was making music, the main pursuit — whatever it was — was unobtainable. And with such differing priorities, parting was inevitable, even the only logical conclusion. It made for a rather pat story, which made it doubtful to be true in Sayo's eye.

Shirokane ducked her head. "… I'm grateful to everyone… and I'd have liked to see it continue, but…"

"Yes?"

Shirokane looked at her hands. "I… like the piano, Hikawa-san. I like music… if possible, I'd like to spend the majority of my time… and make it my chief occupation… so in other words, I… want to be a pro musician. One way or another. If possible I'd like it to be with Roselia, but… it doesn't have to be."

"I think I understand," Sayo said. "I'll admit to entertaining a similar aspiration, although I wouldn't claim it's the same as yours."

"It doesn't have to be at exactly the same level… But as long as everyone is dedicated, we can overcome our… individual differences. I believe… that is Yukina-san's policy."

Sayo thought about it for a moment. "I'm sorry, Shirokane-san, I'm afraid I don't understand. Is this somehow still related to Imai-san?"

Saying that, it occurred to her she should probably keep a closer watch on the other members'… feelings. Where before Sayo would have gladly held the door open for any member who were unhappy with the way the band was running, now she conceded it would be annoying to constantly search for new members when they — Minato and Sayo — could've made small adjustments instead.

And back to Shirokane. Yes, it had to do with Imai-san. "I think Yukina-san truly believed Imai-san… had betrayed her trust… had wormed her way into Roselia and toyed with Yukina-san's expectations especially… and left when she had gotten tired of the game."

Sayo couldn't help raising her eyebrows at this. "That would be, pardon my words, damned obtuse of her to not recognize Imai-san's dedication prior to the accident, and after, the angst that had driven her to quit."

(Although Sayo would realise much later that much of said angst had been hidden, and only bared to Sayo — and only Sayo? — as a result of her relentless pursuit.)

"I agree. Which is why… between her hurt and what she thinks she's seen… I think Yukina-san is doubting her judgement of character. I'll be glad to be wrong. But Hikawa-san, it might still be good to… avoid pushing Yukina-san's button."

* * *

What could be a good enough reason to stay? Like, Shirokane had said, or love, or the kind of zeal Minato had toward music, or even Udagawa's obsession with coolness. Things Sayo couldn't say she understood. Originally her last, desperate way out Hina's shadow, the guitar had since occupied a greater territory in her. Riffs sneaked on her while waiting for the train; practice became an extra incentive to get through homework; and, as Chisato had pointed out mischievously, her fingers twitched in specific patterns when she was bored. Music had taken root deep inside her, but Sayo couldn't tell the shape of its outward growth yet. She could only say that she wanted to see it in its peak form. And with the guitar, the most efficient path toward the highest of heights was turning it into a career. Love, or passion, or any other emotions had nothing to do with it.

**Imai Lisa**: no but normally that's what people mean when they say they liked something. more than like, really, at least love, even obsession. it sounds just about that intense. okay maybe it's a balanced kind of obsession for you

**Hikawa Sayo**: Normally?

Three dots danced where a reply should be. Imai was taking her time answering. Only then did Sayo wonder if sending a philosophical question around bedtime was a good idea. Imai occasionally fished for Sayo's dissection of the latest song she'd heard, so Sayo'd figured she didn't have an aversion to it. Thankfully before she could fret too long a reply did appear.

**Imai Lisa**: shouldn't have said normally in the first place, sorry. I'm speaking as someone on the outside looking in, that's all. like as one of the unwashed masses I figured musicians who don't at least love music must be incredibly masochistic. But what does Yukina think about it?

What indeed. _Minato-san misses you_, was the indelible truth, but pettiness held her back. And anyway it might be too early to fire that shot. Another, _Shirokane-san is becoming more proactive and dependable in your absence, as you've predicted,_ was also true, but counterproductive to Sayo's purpose. She went with answering the question as read.

**Hikawa Sayo**: To Minato-san it's an essence mere words could not contain and only music itself can express to satisfaction. Although perhaps she didn't say it in so many words.

**Imai Lisa**: esoteric answers only need reply eh

No stickers or _kaomoji_ accompanied the cryptic text. Maybe she'd hit a nerve? As Sayo puzzled whether she should make the shot, the next message hit her like a bucket of cold water. It could only be read as a dismissal.

**Imai Lisa**: don't take this the wrong way, but is everything okay? you don't usually just start chatting out of the blue. I mean I don't mind but you can just tell me if you need anything.

**Hikawa Sayo**: I don't need anything from you.

**Hikawa Sayo**: But if you have the time, next Saturday we'll have our last show of the year. Minato-san would be happy to see you in the audience.

As quickly as Sayo had hit the send button before she could curb her impulse, as instantly as the read indicator appeared, the answer flashed on screen without delay.

**Imai Lisa**: Sorry, I'm on shift that night. But you have fun, okay? Don't forget to smile! It's kinda late, so good night too.

Caught somewhere between disappointed, ashamed, and relieved at once, Sayo scrolled up to the earlier part of the conversation, coming back to her original problem.

If passion was a good enough reason to stay, then a lack of it was surely a good enough reason to quit. Imai had initially claimed to be in Roselia solely for Minato — and taking her at face value, Sayo had kept a close watch, anticipating the moment she would become a liability. The sentimental ones always did. Thus more than anyone Sayo witnessed: the more difficult the piece, the more Imai struggled, the more tempestuous her performance — the brighter her shine on the stage, and the more intense Roselia's sound. No, Sayo didn't think she had fallen short of it, even if it wasn't necessarily an inherent passion.

But what was passion when time itself was against her? Certainly time had been her official excuse in the end. There was also a matter of the heart that Sayo didn't understand — that she suspected Imai herself didn't fully understand.

At least, until Sayo heard PasuPare's newest song. Even blurred by idol fripperies, music couldn't lie. Of all things Imai could have written, it was a song about youthful folly set to a pastiche of Roselia's numbers. Imai's supposed best friend had come away with the conclusion she had looked down on Roselia. And Sayo… Sayo remembered the sting of a broken hand striking her face, and later the same hand desperately seeking hers. Any warm body would do, Sayo had understood, any solid presence who wouldn't vanish the moment she wasn't needed. So she had given her hand, and promised to honor Imai's choice. All without truly understanding the nature of that choice…

Her phone flashed with a message from Udagawa.

**Udagawa Ako**: Sayo-san! I've finished my part, please give it a listen when you have the time!

**Hikawa Sayo**: Thank you, Udagawa-san. But next time please don't stay up too late.

**Udagawa Ako**: Oops, sorry, did I wake you up?

**Hikawa Sayo**: You did not, but regardless, tomorrow is still a school day, and your health is still important.

**Udagawa Ako**: Ok, ok, I get it, sorry! But I finally summoned wisdom of the abyss and I just gotta send it to you! If you could please give it a listen before Yukina-san hears it that'd be great! Ok good night Sayo-san see you tomorrow at rehearsal!

Sayo sighed and shook her head. Her head felt considerably lighter when she crawled into bed. If Imai were here, she'd say, _Dumbass, why worry about the one who's left instead of the ones who remain?_

"You first, Imai-san," Sayo mumbled seconds before falling asleep.


	3. Within this unsingable brick ward

**III. Within this unsingable brick ward**

The orange tabby lounged on the top of the cat tree, seemingly unaware of Minato's longing gaze. But as Minato went back to her coffee — black but for the bucket of sugar dumped into it — the cat cast down its unblinking stare. And as Minato looked back up, the cat leapt onto the empty hanging rack next to the tree, and tottered down to the lap of another patron.

Sayo hid a smile behind the rim of her cup. Minato's pout didn't last long as a grey kitten bounded up to her, batting at her knee playfully. Minato scooped it into her lap, bouncing it as one would a baby. If Imai were here she'd take pictures and send them to Sayo. Not that Sayo would, but she supposed she understood the instinct.

"Did Imai tell you about this place?" Minato asked when she finally deigned to address her. "Our classmates were talking about it just today."

"So did mine," Sayo answered. They could both be true: Imai had come up with this cat cafe when Sayo had told her plan, and during lunch break Maruyama's determination to invite Shirasagi and Matsubara couldn't be ignored. "But how are you finding it, Minato-san?"

The kitten wriggled, and with visible reluctance Minato let it go. The gaze she fixed Sayo was not quite soft if curious. "It's very relaxing. But I don't think you invited me solely to play with cats."

"I simply thought a little leisure after exams period was in order." To be precise, Minato had completed all her entrance exams; Sayo still had a couple more to go through. With the new year came a frigid winter, exams, and in Sayo's mailbox a gaudy, bulky envelope stamped with international postage.

She had its most important content with her now. Without further ado she presented the letter of acceptance to Minato.

"…It's in English," Minato said dryly after pretending to read it for a full five seconds.

"My bad. Around November last year I sent an application to a school in America. This is a letter confirming that I qualified for an admission."

Minato's eyes lit up when Sayo mentioned the name. Which was a relief: she hadn't wasted her only shot on a piddling university. But then Minato's expression hardened, though she waited for Sayo's explanation. Very well, Sayo hadn't expected any less.

"My sole reason for sending this application was to test myself. I didn't tell you, or indeed anyone, so as not to cause undue confusion. Should I fail, nothing would have changed. Succeed, an option would be in our hands. The final decision was always going to hinge on your opinion."

"An option in our hands," Minato repeated, turning Sayo's conclusion into an opening phrase. That was expected, too.

Sayo nodded. "In the event that Roselia will go into hiatus and we all go our separate ways to hone our techniques, so I shall move to the other side of the world to gain knowledge for Roselia. If you think it wise."

The orange tabby was back, staring at the back of Minato's head. When she didn't seem to notice at all it fixed its beady eyes on Sayo. She ignored it. Minato could have been carved out of marble. Her voice was cool as she said, "What I think of it isn't as important as what you think, isn't it? If Roselia is no longer the place for you, then I would only be selfish to keep you with us."

She spoke as though Sayo should find the words familiar. Sayo filed it to the back of her head to ruminate later. Carefully, she said, "I'm not thinking of leaving Roselia. That is never an option. I'm sure with our modern technology we could contrive of some way to continue our activities as before even though we are geographically separated."

"Of course. And I'm only reminding you of our policy, our boundaries, as it were. After all, you alone will walk the path you choose."

The orange tabby suddenly jumped on Minato's lap. Surprised, but delighted, Minato scratched the back of its ears. Sayo swallowed her disappointment. The tension had dissipated, and she didn't think it was just due to the cat's interruption. Minato clearly had said all she had on the topic. Neither interested nor bitter, bored at worst, neutral at best. The optimistic part of her that sounded like Hina interpreted it as trust.

"Now, Sayo, about our next performance…"

Sayo sat at attention. The discussion continued well past their allotted time at the cafe.

—

_In the event that a hiatus is inevitable_, Sayo had said in the manner of one planning for a summer vacation that would never happen for reasons beyond their control. But should this highly improbable trip your little sister dreamed of come to reality, here's what I'd like to do…

It was a comparison she'd noticed herself made only after the idea had become entrenched. Hina and Minato, little sisters. Capricious beings who set their sights as far as the stars and beyond, unstoppable forces once they'd decided on a course, creatures that would make a pathetic sight bound close to earth. And somewhere in their vicinity there was Sayo, doing her best to keep up and smooth feathers ruffled in their wake. There the similarity ended. Hina often looked back, expecting Sayo to keep up, and held out her hand in case she fell behind. Minato, being someone else's little sister, had no such compunction — she couldn't afford to stop for anyone. If she had been anything else Sayo wouldn't have followed. In any case Minato and Sayo walked side by side. In such a standing there would be no need for Minato to look back.

So, months after Minato had dreamed of a hiatus, Sayo replied with an improbable plan of her own. And with that the time for daydreaming was over, and reality resumed.

—

In Roselia terms, it went like this: at the end of the month, on the day of the show, the next Saturday evening, Sayo arrived a few minutes before the stage was officially theirs to commandeer, and the rest a few minutes after. They set up the stage. It was routine work, but one that required care regardless. The performance, too, was routine. It wasn't in the sense that it was boring, or that Sayo didn't still feel a flutter of nerves prior to striking the first chord. There was a flow, and Sayo didn't so much lose herself in it as become hyper-aware of how her sound moved within it. From her mind to her fingers to the noise undulating within the space carved through countless hours of practice together for her alone.

And so she more than noticed when Minato changed the shape. A square hole instead of a circle she'd been expecting, passable, but not the same. It wasn't wrong, either. The note she played on the bass wasn't discordant, but it wasn't what was written on the sheet, how the sound of the phrase had always been interpreted — it wasn't what they'd agreed on. At first Sayo thought it was a mistake, but the same incident happened several more times across the entire setlist, seemingly for no other reason than Minato's whimsy had taken a different turn. Sayo filed it to the back of her mind. The show must go on.

The show must also end. It was with reluctance and not a little satisfaction that Sayo muted the strings. Tension ran high. By the end of each show she was always wound tight. Higher, farther, she wasn't ready to land on earth just yet. Judging by the intensity of the cheer, neither was the audience. Sayo might have basked in the limelight a little. And therefore she didn't notice Minato had only gripped her mic tighter until she made her announcement.

"Thank you for coming today. As of this last performance, Roselia will enter hiatus."

As one with the audience, the last caught her flat-footed. Stuck against a triangular hole where she had expected the same circle.

"… an indefinite hiatus, and we will return when the time is right. That's all."

The confused buzz of the leaving audience drowned any conversation they could have had on stage. It was probably the only reason Minato could make Udagawa concentrate on tidying up the space. But once they were done, and the stage was vacated, and they were alone outside of CiRCLE, nothing could stop Udagawa.

"What, why, what's wrong? What about the Future World FES?" Already tears had gathered in her eyes. Privately Sayo was also curious about the second question. They, she and Minato, had reached an impasse on the topic. Sayo had thought they were ready; Minato not so. Then Imai had broken her arm and taken the choice out of their hands. The topic had never come up again.

Minato looked at each of them straight in turn. "The Future World FES was never our endpoint. Do you remember, Udagawa? Our true aim is the pinnacle of music. The FWF is but a step toward that. We must set our sight higher. Now that we are at a crossroad it's a good time to re-evaluate what we need to do as a band to proceed. And there's the matter of finding a new bassist — "

"Are you going to ask Lisa-nee to come back? Because she's no longer sad all the time and back at full capacity…"

The look Minato gave Udagawa grew steadily colder until Udagawa's speech shuttered to a stop. Minato said, "I have no use for traitors and cowards. Now that aside — "

"Lisa-nee isn't a traitor! But you're a coward!"

"Udagawa-san, please calm down," Sayo said, but Minato lifted a hand to stop her.

"No, let her. Go ahead, Ako. Repeat what you said."

Udagawa's entire face was puckered. Just as Sayo thought she'd wisely back down, she blurted it all in one breath, "You don't believe in us anymore and you want to replace us, but you're too cowardly to say that so you're saying there's a hiatus. W-well, I'm not quitting!"

So she declared while beating a teary retreat. Rinko moved jerkily, half chasing Udagawa, half confronting Minato. She snapped to face Sayo, fists clenched and trembling by her sides. "Hikawa-san, did you know… has Yukina-san consulted you…?"

Sayo kept her expression carefully blank. In this moment keeping things from spiraling further out of control seemed more important than exposing her true feelings. "I realize that the time and place is inappropriate for this discussion. Perhaps we could sit down and talk properly — with Udagawa-san as well — tomorrow?"

Rinko's eyes narrowed, and Sayo was struck by how much Rinko had changed right under her nose. "You're also surprised…" Rinko turned to Minato. "Do you understand… why Ako-chan is upset…?"

Minato's nose flared. "I'm sure you'd enlighten me either way."

"Ako-chan accused you of giving up… will you not deny it?"

"Udagawa may think whatever she wishes so long as it doesn't affect the band. That has always been how we work."

Rinko shook her head. "Then what is Roselia to you? …and what are we? If you've found the answer… then perhaps… I'll tell you mine."

Minato continued frowning after Rinko left, as though genuinely perturbed by the question. But only for a second. When she turned to Sayo she was once again unflappable. "I suppose you have questions of your own," she started, the end of her sentence drowned by a shrill shout.

"There you are!"

The interloper couldn't be much older than Udagawa, even younger, though Sayo couldn't tell precisely with the low lighting. She made up for it with a swagger worthy of, well, Minato on stage, and an ostentatious pair of headphones that seemed to be tailored to attract Minato's attention. "Can I — "

"You! You're Minato Yukina!" Cat-Ears said, ignoring Sayo entirely. "My name is Chu2. I'm a producer!"

Eyebrows raised, Minato stared at her outstretched hand. As if she hadn't been summarily dismissed, Cat-Ears took an envelope out of her pocket and ploughed on, "I saw your performance. That was great, by the way, but I also heard your band is going into a hiatus. So I know you're looking for something better. You should join me! Together we'll make an even greater music!"

Minato took the envelope even as she said, "I think you're mistaken. I make and sing no other songs but my own. Even the songs I cover will be remade in my own sound."

Hands on hips, Cat-Ears said, "What are you saying? Are you looking down on me?"

"No, I simply aim for nothing less than the best I can be. It might occasionally mean incorporating greater music, but in the end it must be my own and no other's. If you are serious about making great music you'd understand this. Now, inviting me aboard, are you prepared to compromise on the way to greatness?"

Cat-Ears opened her mouth and shut it, open and shut. Her finger sprung just inches from Minato's nose. "You _are_ looking down on me! _Are you kidding?_ Your band sounds so much worse without your bassist and you're still hanging to them?"

Minato's expression twitched, then hardened. "Even if I was looking down on you, if you were serious you'd at least consider my words." She brandished the envelope, making a spectacle of putting it inside her purse. "I'll hang on to this. Sayo, we go."

Frowning, Sayo followed her and left Cat-Ears to sulk like the child she was. "Minato-san, where are we going?"

Minato gave her a long, side look. "My house. I see you have a lot of things to say yourself."

On the train, Sayo sent Hina and her parents a message saying she might be a bit late. The journey helped ease the tension borne from the performance and the successive confrontations. Udagawa, Shirokane, and now this strange little girl — Sayo wondered just how many more people Minato were planning to upset tonight. Not Sayo, surely. She gathered her thoughts as she walked beside Minato. She must stay focused on the greater picture, on the truly important matter, and not let her feelings lead her astray.

Entering Minato's home, saying her greetings to the Minatos before quickly being ushered upstairs. Into Minato's room. At another occasion Sayo might have taken her time to look around. Sayo took off her coat and guitar case and purse, and made herself no more comfortable than that. Minato hadn't said anything, not even to tell Sayo to sit down. They stood in the middle of the room, facing each other. Straight to the heart of the matter, the way they had always operated.

"Let's hear it. Your complaints."

Complaints. Condescending right off the bat. Sayo nodded. "Minato-san, do you not understand what made Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san upset?"

"Oh, but you're complicit in this. You too kept the matter hidden from the others."

"Perhaps I trusted you to recognize that a matter that affects the entire band needed to be discussed with all band members accounted for."

Absurdly, Minato smiled at that. "And again, that's something you could've done yourself. You're not my dog, Sayo. In any case I thought you'd be happy with the hiatus. Now you're free to go to America with nothing binding you to Japan."

"Putting this on me when you've had your chance — I sought your opinion specifically, Minato-san. You could have spoken up then."

In contrast Minato seemed inhumanly calm, which didn't soothe Sayo's temper one bit. "And I've given you my opinion. Do you think I'm stupid, Sayo? How long do you think the sort of long distance cooperation you dreamed of could last? You could form your own band and I'd be none the wiser.

"But this is how it's always going to be between us, isn't it? All the should haves and could haves, and you'll always look back and find faults with me. You and Ako and Rinko and Lisa, you'll say that Roselia is more than just me, but in the end everything is always my fault, as though I'm keeping you all chained to me. So here it is: I'm offering us all a chance to start anew with a clean slate. Stay, or leave, but do so out of your ambition for the pinnacle, and not out of any obligations to me."

Minato's speech buzzed in her ears like white noise. It was all true, and Sayo knew she should have agreed. She'd have agreed under normal circumstances, but that Minato had fired her shot, and she must return. Udagawa's accusation came back to her. If even their youngest member could see it… "No, Minato-san, it is you who lacks dedication. You talk of devoting yourself to music, but turned your eyes away at a trouble brewing under your nose. A trouble you were uniquely poised to solve."

"What are you… Is this about Lisa? Again? After what I said about looking back?"

Sayo folded her arms, not giving into the taunt. "Without getting into how you've failed Imai-san as her friend, for all your wise speech to that girl earlier I don't see you being willing to adapt. You cling to our old sound, Minato-san — and you cling to Imai-san's presence. Do you think we're so stupid as to not be able to see that? Any bassist could've easily filled her position, but few would make the same sound. And so you kept it vacant. As Udagawa-san said, you're a coward. Unwilling to chance our sound changing, unwilling to risk other members leaving you for better pasture."

Sayo knew even as she made her attack that she was crossing a line. But someone would have to, eventually, as with each retort each stepped closer to the line. Sayo just chose to do it on her own terms. Minato knew it too. Anger warped her usually impassive facade, and Sayo felt no little amount of satisfaction at causing it. Just as soon the anger was gone, and Minato was once again as pristine as a porcelain doll. "Is that all? Then let me show you — dedication."

Minato snatched a cat doll from within a shelf, where it had been holding a thin stack of books from falling. Without a word she marched to the door leading to the verandah and noisily slid it open.

Very briefly Sayo considered putting on her coat and guitar case and left. It would be the rational thing to do, giving them both time to think and re-negotiate once emotions had calmed down. But that would be admitting defeat. And Sayo hated losing, much less deliberately giving up. The rest of her, still wound tight with the leftover energy from the show and sheer rage, simply stalked to the verandah.

* * *

_Chapter title is taken from Namae no nai kaibutsu._


	4. The goodbye was yours

**IV. The goodbye was yours**

For the second time that night Sayo stood on an elevated platform in complete darkness and silence, staring ahead at Minato's slender back. Waiting for her to begin, suppressing a shiver from the cold. As a show this must seem silly: a one-act play of Minato throwing a cat doll straight at Imai's window to summon someone who might not even be home. Then Sayo remembered this was Minato and Imai's childhood play, and felt intrusive besides.

The doll bounced against the window. Sayo counted the seconds until Imai emerged. She stepped over the doll as though it was an explosive. Her gaze bounced between the two and settling on Minato, who had stepped forward. She looked at Sayo pointedly, taunting, _watch this_. With a sonorous voice — her stage voice — she said, "Lisa! I know you still practice the bass. I know you're writing more songs than you ever have for Roselia."

That caught Sayo's attention, and caused her to miss Imai's reply. That there were more in addition to PasuPare's commission — and that Sayo had to hear it from a third party. That _Minato_ knew more than Sayo.

Minato continued, "… that you're keeping up in addition to school, work, and whatever other distractions you get into. You've always been reliable. I have always depended on you, maybe too much. And I know in return I wasn't there when you needed me, that I always take you for granted."

Imai clutched at the railing, the light from her room casting a shadow on her smile. "It's fine. I must've been overbearing most of the time."

"Maybe so, but all the same I could also stand to be a better friend."

Sayo wondered, as well as everything was going, if she ought to reel Minato in before she stuck her foot in. She had an idea of what Minato was going to do, though not how it was supposed to prove her dedication. Or rather, if Sayo wanted her to succeed, to swoop in and snatch her quarry.

"I'll get straight to the point. I need you — Roselia needs you," Minato said, voice growing impassionate, almost uncharacteristically so. "As Sayo must have told you, we haven't been able to find a suitable replacement.

"There will be challenges, mostly pertaining to your skills, and frictions among ourselves. I won't even deny that many of them will come from me. But I am willing to learn, to change and compromise, up to a point. I don't mean this only in relation to you, but all the other members as well. And this is precisely why I'm asking you to come back, because I can't do this alone."

By the trick of the moonlight, Sayo thought the light in Imai's eyes died at some point. She hung her head like a puppet whose strings were cut. When she looked back up, her smile didn't quite reach her eye. "That… sounds great, Yukina. I mean it, that sounds really placating. Almost sincere. Sayo helped, I suppose."

Her gaze slid to Sayo at the last, sharp. "Sayo didn't — " Minato began.

Imai cut her off. "I'm asking Sayo."

Minato glared at Sayo as though it was her fault. "Minato-san came up with it all by herself," she answered honestly, hopeful despite herself.

Hadn't Imai always wanted Minato to initiate a reconciliation? But Imai was dithering… playing hard to get? Judging by her flinty stare, Minato seemed to think she was. Impatient, she said, "Lisa, you promised you'd do everything in your power to help us win the Future World FES."

"That does sound like something I'd say. But you know, I'd expect Sayo to take things literally, not you." Imai's lips twisted. The shadows made it look like she was laughing at Minato and Sayo. "All right. Tell me when you're going for the FES and how much you're willing to pay."

Minato didn't seem fazed. "I'm not joking, Lisa."

But there was no mirth in Imai's show of teeth either. "Neither am I. Do you think I wasn't serious about quitting? That after ignoring me for a year a pretty speech is all it's going to take to make me come back, like somehow I wouldn't notice you're just trying to score a point with Sayo?"

"Imai-san, I believe there's been a misunderstanding," Sayo said quickly. "I've never asked Minato-san to do this."

Minato's voice had a manic note to it. There was a shine in her eye not unlike Hina's when she got an idea. For someone who'd just been rejected she seemed enlightened. "Yes, there's a misunderstanding, and I hope this has cleared it for you, Sayo. Do you see now that Lisa doesn't care for you? Your ideal Roselia doesn't exist — it has never existed, frankly. And it is you who cling to the mirage and hinder our progress.

"So you see now there is only one way forward. A fresh start is what we need. But as for Roselia, it has been a good run. Thank you, Sayo. And good night."

Frantically wracking her brain, Sayo watched as Minato retreated into her room, and only came to her senses when the french door closed and was locked with a decisive click. It seemed to her like someone else's problem, even as Imai asked her what was wrong and Sayo replied matter-of-factly, "Minato-san has locked me out of her house. I didn't know she was so _petty_." She stressed the last for Minato's benefit.

Imai pursed her lips, seemingly more distressed by it than Sayo herself. "That little… Well, she probably doesn't mean to keep you out for long, just a bit. Wait there, I'll call her."

Sayo hugged herself. It was cold and she felt numb from head to toe. Her stuff was still in Minato's house. And yet she'd die of exposure before she'd beg to be let back inside. "No need. Please step back."

Anger was a wonderful thing. Sayo didn't think much of the distance between the verandahs, but the dim memory of crossing greater distance during PE lessons. That in those lessons she'd had longer running start was a minor detail. Socks and indoor slippers went off. Barefoot, Sayo drew back and ran across the length of the platform, and jumped. She landed on the other side, ankles narrowly missing the railing.

Imai was upon her in an instant, alternating between checking for injuries and berating her recklessness — the first time that being compared to Hina didn't set her teeth on edge. Sayo suffered the fussing quietly. Her feet stung from the impact, but otherwise she felt more alive than ever. She picked up the abandoned cat doll and threw it at Minato's window. The curtain drew back and Minato's face peeked out, glaring inscrutably. Then she was gone. _Sore loser_.

"Come on, you're freezing. Where's your coat?" Imai said.

"With Minato-san, along with my guitar and purse." Imai's hands were warm on hers, and it didn't take much more than that to lure her inside.

"Wanna stay here tonight? I'll get them for you in the morning. Ah, I should probably tell Hina to tell your parents, too."

Sayo was sat on the bed, though she still had dignity left to refuse being rolled up in the blanket as well. Adrenaline faded, and sensation came back along with fatigue. Sayo stared vacantly at the corkboard no longer holding brochures for schools, but scraps of lyrics and music notes. Minato's words resurfaced at random, settling into one coherent reality: Roselia would end tonight unless Sayo did something about it.

The bed was depressed with an additional weight. Belatedly she realized Imai had been trying to get her attention, finally sitting down next to her. "Hey, you look kinda out of it. Is it Yukina? Do you maybe wanna tell me what's up with you and her?"

"Nothing that should concern someone who's left Roselia," she said gruffly.

"Sure, but I didn't realize how bad things've gotten. I mean, I'd never imagined you two could fight about anything," Imai said in the same soothing tone and smile. It had the opposite of the intended effect. Sayo stood abruptly as though getting away from the bonfire that was Imai's misplaced worry.

Glaring down, Sayo said, "If you truly meant to help, you would have accepted Minato-san's apology. If you're worried it wasn't sincere, let alone that I'd forced her into it, then you don't know her at all. Minato-san misses you, though she cannot express herself well, and occasionally she might need a push. You of all people should know that. And above all, you have promised."

Imai slowly rose, face pinched. Prevaricating as she hadn't with Minato. "Yes, but… I made it as I was quitting, remember. I will help you with everything else, absolutely, but I'm sorry, I really can't help you as a bassist. You know why I quit."

"I don't, no one does. You have a hundred reasons up your sleeve, and you'll present whichever will get you the most sympathy. But the truth is we were merely a lark, some youthful folly to laugh at in ten years. Maybe even now, with Shirasagi-san behind my back."

Sayo hadn't meant to quote Imai's lyrics. She wasn't even confident in her interpretation, but for the surprise on Imai's face. Peevish, she said, "I said I was looking forward to whatever you would create."

"You did. I thought you were only trying to comfort me."

It hurt a lot more than if she'd simply forgotten, more than if she had simply brushed it off with a smile and platitude. Sayo imagined herself taking Imai by the shoulders and shaking her, anything to tear down the veil of decency separating them. Minato she had treated without holding back, but Sayo had become a stranger to her. "I always take my words seriously. You often make fun of me for it. How droll it must be that such a boring fool would dare to be your friend."

Imai had gone completely still. Nevertheless her hands flew to her mouth at the last sentence, as if surpressing something inappropriate. Like a bull seeing red, Sayo seized Imai's wrists and pried them off her face. "At least have the decency to laugh to my face!"

Eyes narrowed, Imai broke free of Sayo's hold. Fingers like claws dug into Sayo's shoulders. Pale grey irises dominated her vision, and she was almost distracted from the pressure on her forehead by tracing the red veins on each eyeball.

"Let's say I'm laughing at you now," Imai said in a frigid voice. "So I looked down on Roselia, I played each and every one of you, and made out like a bandit when I got bored. And you still want me back. How dense can you possibly be?"

Sayo thought she should be angry for believing she had been taken into Imai's confidences, for trusting Imai to begin with, going as far as defending her to Minato. Instead despair finally caught up and stoppered her throat. Imai waited. Eyes narrowed, as though finding her answer in Sayo's eyes, she gently pushed them apart. Her hand went up and caressed the spot where her forehead had crashed against Sayo's forehead, and then down to her shoulder. It was, Sayo realized distantly, an apology for roughhousing.

"So I think," Imai said with dogged calm, "what I don't understand is why you thought _I_ could fix anything. Yukina lives a jump away and goes to the same school, and we even share a homeroom. This is the longest she's talked to me, and it's all because of _you_, Sayo. Neither of you would tell me anything, but if I had to guess, she's freaking out because she thought you were leaving for good. Get it? To Yukina, everyone in Roselia is expendable — except you. So I'm sure whatever happened could still be fixed if you'd just talk to her."

And back to Minato again. As usual Imai deflected affection directed her way — a universal phenomenon that was especially stronger when it came to Minato. As usual she was keen on ensuring Sayo was on good terms with Minato. Normally Sayo would have thought it as her looking after Minato, but now she wasn't sure what to think of Imai anymore. She sounded almost bitter toward the end, as though…

"Imai-san, are you jealous of my bond with Minato-san?" Sayo asked with genuine confusion. By all rights it should have been Sayo who was jealous of their friendship despite the differing personalities and occasional timeouts.

Imai's eyes widened in surprise, then panic. She took a step back, lips twisted, shoulders squared as though bracing herself. So many little gestures that if Sayo was being uncharitable — and she was inclined to be — she'd think Imai was acting. "I… oh, all right. You're not going to quit hounding me until you get an answer. Wanna know why I quit? I was starting to hate Yukina for not being the girl I used to know. She wouldn't give me any time of the day, but if it's you, she'd get over her pride for you. You're, like, her soulmate in music, the key to achieving her dreams. Yes, there's Roselia too, but she only formed Roselia because she met you. So yes, I'm… jealous. That's two down, given time I'd be sure to find reasons to hate Ako and Rinko. So I quit before I could, like, destroy Roselia. There you have it, reason number 101, never used before."

Imai kept her voice light and full of self-deprecation as she always did when she thought Sayo was getting too close to the heart of the matter — when she thought she didn't deserve sympathy. Not that Sayo was overflowing with sympathy at the moment. Just a terrible, terrible cold suffusing her lungs. Sayo was no stranger to jealousy, nor the noxious and deranged turns the mind took in its grip. And she had caused it, aggravated it by helping her quit. And because was their biggest point in common, because inevitably all their conversations must turn to Roselia and Minato, in all likelihood Sayo had kept it alive by sheer continued association.

The thought made her stomach squirm. But it couldn't all be her fault, a part of her insisted, who in their right mind would continue to associate with the source of their jealousy? There were, she supposed, other good reasons. Gratitude, maybe. Sayo knew Imai enough to know that she hated being indebted to anyone. Another was, of course, Minato. Sayo could see the logic. If keeping Sayo happy and engaged with Roselia made Minato happy, Imai would stifle her own feelings…

"I see. I understand now the reason you encouraged me to study abroad. It was so that I would leave and in my absence Minato-san would have no choice but to rely on you." It was all wrong and an unpleasant chill crawled under her skin, but she couldn't stop. "And in the process I would become indebted to you. As ever, you are manipulative."

Sayo had seen Imai truly incandescent exactly once, as the recipient. As when she was happy her entire expression was transformed, and it was a sight at once disorienting and familiar. Voice husky with tears and fury, she said, "That'd be a lot more cutting if you haven't made a habit of saying it and coming back. Every. Single. Time. Asshole!" Imai violently rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. "But you're just taking out your anger on me. We're done here."

Guilt and righteous indignation clashed, and with neither coming the victor, Sayo looked away. She sneezed once, twice, and embarrassingly, a loud third. Outside snow was falling — had been falling for some time. The pile on the verandah came up to a fist. And it was almost midnight.

"You're not thinking of going home in this weather," Imai said suddenly, mother hen instincts overriding her supposed anger.

"Yet I don't wish to overstay my welcome."

She had almost succeeded in turning the doorknob when Imai caught her wrist. "Don't be silly. Hate me all you like, but I'd hate myself more if I let you get sick or worse. Just go take a shower while I get the guest futon."

Sayo didn't actually have any problems with Imai hating herself, but unfortunately the rest of her proposal was sensible. She also didn't relish the idea of walking home in snow, in the middle of the night. It was only to make it easier to retrieve her things in the morning, she told herself.

Sayo tried not to think as she went through the same rituals as her previous sleepovers. She took a shower in Imai's bathroom, used Imai's toiletries, and then changed into Imai's spare pyjamas, and crawled into the futon prepared for her. Her host was nowhere to be found, which suited Sayo just fine. She was exhausted, but too strung up to sleep. It was much easier to stare at the dark ceiling and rewind her conversations with Minato. Wondering in circles when they'd started to lose sight of each other, when Sayo had fallen short. Easier still to replay her argument with Imai. Half lies, half truth that had no business being aired, all products of her insecurity and despair.

At some point Sayo must have dozed off. When she opened her eyes again the sun was in her face, and the smell of coffee filled her nose. And Imai was shaking her awake.

"I'm sorry," Sayo said before Imai could open her mouth. As incoherent as her thoughts were, at the forefront was the urgent notion that Imai must not be allowed to apologize first. Her hands scrambled to catch Imai's hand. "For last night. I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry."

Imai pried her hands loose. She was already dressed for going out, all trace of imperfection buried under make up. Sayo was getting cross-eyed trying to read her expression. Voice even, Imai said, "Good morning, Sayo. Normally I'd let you sleep in but I'm seeing Chisato in thirty minutes. Here, I've got your stuff back from Yukina. There's breakfast, too, if you want."

Sayo tried not to look too wounded as she crawled out of the futon and sat by the low table. There was french toast and a steaming cup of coffee. Peace offering? Though it wouldn't be beyond Imai to feed someone who'd just tried to rob her. Putting out a feeler, Sayo said, "I didn't notice you coming back inside."

"I didn't," Imai said, so sharply Sayo flinched out of drowsiness. Now she noticed the skin around Imai's eyes was swollen. "Let me put this in words even you can't misunderstand. I'm still angry at you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't care what happens to Roselia. Good riddance, if this is the way you mean to carry on. And don't worry about becoming indebted to me, I don't want _anything_ from you."

—

Shibuya at winter was as crowded as usual, and no less cold for it. An hour into standing in open air, Sayo sneezed into her handkerchief, earning an anxious glance from Udagawa. "I'm fine," she said curtly.

"But — "

"The queue's moving, Udagawa-san."

Cheeks bulging, Udagawa stepped inside the NFO collaboration cafe. Sayo counted an hour and half they had queued. A waste of time that would end in an extortion in exchange for mediocre food and some fulfillment of capitalism instilled obsession in the hopes that, through some unfathomably bizzare underpinnings of humanity, the excursion would deepen her bond with her remaining bandmates. It was also Sayo's suggestion, Sayo's flight of fancy. Imai would be proud. The thought almost made Sayo leave the premises out of sheer spite.

"Hikawa-san?" Shirokane peered at her timidly. "If you're feeling… unwell…"

Unwell, Sayo could tell, wasn't exactly the word Shirokane wanted to use but for Udagawa's presence. Sayo shook her head and firmly said, "We're finally inside, there's nothing to it but to enjoy the experience."

"Wow, Sayo-san said enjoy, the fight with Yukina-san must've been really bad."

Sayo scowled over the menu, and taking the cue, Udagawa started reading and pointing at the references to the game. Which was every item on the menu. A harried looking waiter took their orders: Sayo went with what seemed like a cheeseburger. Then following her own mission statement, she looked around. The cafe's conceit was replicating the design and atmosphere of one of the first inns accessible in NFO. So the staff was dressed in colorful, pseudo-European uniform, and there was a convincing replica of the wyrm skull candelabra above Sayo's head. Though personally Sayo would have picked a different location — the inn introduced in a later expansion hosting the locked murder mystery quest chain, for one — but it looked better than Sayo's rock bottom expectations. Maybe that was the key, she thought. If only she'd set low her expectations for a certain pair of childhood friends.

"Sayo-saaan." Udagawa waved in front of her (admittedly) unfocused eyes. Sayo snapped to attention, scowling. Then realizing she was already scowling, relaxed her face with some effort. "There we go. You were making that scary cool face you make when you, ah, grapple with the, the sentinels of the underworld!"

"Udagawa-san, you know perfectly well what occupies my mind." And ought to occupy yours, but Sayo held her tongue just in time. It was in fact better that not all of them were consumed by drama, she told herself.

Udagawa pursed her lips. "Yeah, but… Can I be honest?" Sayo nodded. "It's just, it's not the first time this happened. You and Yukina-san and Lisa-nee got into a three-way melee and then, bam! Roselia's in pieces, gone. And it's all because you keep to yourselves and Rinrin and I only got to know after it's too late. That's why you shouldn't worry about it alone, Sayo-san! Rinrin and me, still think of you as a part of Roselia, and if not you're still our friend, so you should definitely get us involved, too. Together we can, uh, retrieve our most precious stone of delight…"

She cowered slightly under Sayo's scrutiny. "That's surprisingly mature of you, Udagawa-san."

Torn between pouting and glowing at the praise, Udagawa finally stuck with the latter. "Ehehe, I just thought of what Lisa-nee would say."

"Imai-san," Sayo spat, "is a fucking hypocrite."

The waiter came with their orders, giving her time to come back to her senses. She said, "I apologize for the outburst. It's irrelevant to our discussion."

Udagawa and Shirokane exchanged a look. "Um, okay? So what's, uh, relevant?"

With a sigh, Sayo told them as clinically as possible, leaving out the personal issues. It didn't leave a lot of talking points, and made them — Minato, Sayo, and, though her part was completely redacted, even Imai – all look ridiculous. Immature, to let their feelings get in the way of solving the problem.

Then it was Udagawa and Shirokane's turn. Minato had somehow overcome her technological ineptitude through spite and figured out how to kick everyone out of the Roselia group chat. She had also blocked Sayo on LINE, but not the other two. Nevertheless, neither of them had managed to make headway.

"She just said she's never gone back on her words," Udagawa said, dangerously close to tears. "But she also wouldn't say how long the hiatus'd be. It's like Yukina-san's really given up on us. But Sayo-san, you should've told us you were thinking of going to America!"

Sayo bristled, but since Minato herself, then Imai, and now Udagawa in her ignorance had made the same accusation, she swallowed her protest.

"Ako-chan," Shirokane murmured. "Maybe Hikawa-san had predicted… Yukina-san would react badly?"

"I did, yes. Not to this extent, but… allow me to correct that, since this is my fault in the first place. I didn't want Minato-san to stop me from trying at all. And perhaps more importantly I wanted to prove to myself my worth as a musician outside of Roselia. Please don't misunderstand, I am proud to be a part of Roselia."

"But Yukina-san casts a long shadow," Shirokane said so quietly Sayo had to strain her ears to listen. "I think I might… understand your sentiment…"

"I don't," Udagawa mumbled sulkily. Everyone ignored her. Feeling a little exposed, Sayo urged the two to start eating their lunch.

Shirokane was only partially correct, anyway. Standing beside Minato, her shadow didn't fall on Sayo. Instead she was standing beside a star so bright Sayo couldn't see herself. It wasn't often it occurred to her, but in those times, Sayo thought she hadn't escaped Hina's orbit just so she could fall into another. Though she hadn't meant to escape Minato's entirely, either. Except that Minato had left her first…

It was plain to see now that she was in daylight, in an environment made to transport the patrons into another world. Minato had spoken of herself; she had always seen everything through herself. It wasn't Sayo she had castigated for her attachment to the old Roselia; it wasn't Sayo whom Imai had rejected. And it wasn't Sayo who had left Roselia because she was afraid of failing to achieve her dreams.

Udagawa kept looking at her. With a sigh, Sayo inclined her head. "So, uh, Sayo-san, since it's gotten like this… are you still going to America?"

"What does 'like this' mean, Udagawa-san?"

"W-well, you know, with…" Udagawa started pouting, but she soldiered on. "Ugh, fine. Without Yukina-san there's no Roselia so with no Roselia are you also going to leave us? Ugh, I mean, not to make it super personal like that — "

"Then in your opinion, in Roselia only Minato-san matters and no other."

"Yes–I mean, no–I mean—"

Sayo let Udagawa flounder and mumble to herself as she turned to Shirokane. "Imai-san told me you likened Roselia to a ship." Recognition lit up Shirokane's eye. "I might not fully understand the idiom, but am I right to think you meant to pledge your commitment to Roselia? Though surely there must be a limit to how many and often parts of the ship may be replaced."

Shirokane looked down on her hands. "Hikawa-san… it might be easier on all of us if… it seems you have a course in mind…"

A smile threatened to break out. Shirokane telling her to stop beating the bush was ironic, yet appropriate. "For all intents and purposes it's not my course, but Minato-san's. And yet we all have sworn on it — we have made it ours. I see no reason to change that."

Udagawa perked up. "You mean…"

Sayo nodded, looking at Udagawa and Shirokane, the remaining members of Roselia, the ones who had always remained, who saw Roselia for what it was. She might not be able to do anything for those who had left, but Sayo knew Roselia would only end when she let it. "What comes after that will come when it may. Nevertheless, our course has never changed. This year we shall attempt for the Future World FES, with or without Minato-san."

If spite was powerful enough to make one leave, surely it was enough to make one stay.

* * *

_Chapter title is taken liberally from Charles. And with this we've caught up to the content posted on AO3._


	5. Light up the fire

**V. Light up the fire**

Someone was singing and playing the guitar by the rabbit pen. This early in the morning, when only the most dedicated club members would have arrived for early practice, Sayo only had a short list of suspects, and wasn't surprised by the culprit's identity at all. She waited until Hanazono had stopped playing to greet her.

"I'm busking," explained PoPiPa's guitarist.

Sayo nodded gravely. "I see."

"I need to keep myself sharp even when I'm not playing with the others, so I'm busking." Interview done, she repositioned her guitar and began strumming and humming.

Sayo watched as the rabbits continued their lagomorphic activities, none of which included listening to Hanazono. A tough crowd, but certainly no harder to please than the passerbies rushing to and fro a station. Certainly it disturbed the public less, which placated the disciplinary officer in Sayo.

Abruptly the guitar stopped. "Would you like to join me, Sayo-senpai?"

She considered it for a second, then shook her head regretfully. "Not today. I don't have my guitar with me."

Hanazono looked Sayo up and down, as if just now noticing the lack of guitar case on her back. "That's right, you didn't have it yesterday, either. Or the day before yesterday, or before that."

Sayo was surprised that Hanazono had noticed, though she shouldn't be: Hanazono had always had her guitar with her, be it rain or snow or exam week. She didn't think Hanazono was judging her but she felt chided regardless. And her feeble excuse, "I've been busy with exams," wasn't convincing even to herself.

"Hmhm, then I'll take a rain check for the next time you're ready for the guitar again," Hanazono said cryptically, then went back to strumming, picking up a phrase right where she'd left it.

This early in the morning, this close to final exams and the end of the school term and therefore the end of club activities, the kyuudo range was eerily quiet, tranquil as the discipline required. In this silence the single ring of a bowstring lasted forever. Sayo knew who must have made this sound. Strings were alike that way, she reflected, strung between a bent wood, or the long necks of musical instruments, bending to the whims of the user, revealing their character.

"Hey, look who's decided to come back to the world of the living. How's life, Hikawa?" Nakamori said without looking. She was squinting at the arrows on the target. They were all over the place, more the work of a complete novice than the captain of the kyuudo club. It was as though she hadn't meant to shoot the centre. As Sayo returned her greeting, she shot another arrow, also off the centre, then stepped back and admired her result.

"You know, Hikawa, after watching so many of your cute underclassmen and not so cute peers right and still missed, and then got flustered and missed more, you just have to start wondering, why does it have to be at the centre, anyway? What's a target but any place you want to hit?"

Sayo pondered the question as she inspected her bow. Since she had more or less withdrawn from the club in order to make time for Roselia and exams, out of courtesy she had refrained from prying too deeply into how their latest foray into the nationals had gone. Hanasakigawa had lost, obviously, but she didn't know how badly. At length, she said, "I'm sure they've all done your best, though there's always room for improvement. Nevertheless, I'm sorry you lost your last shot at the nationals."

"Hah, you'd say that… ah, well, I'll still do kyuudo at uni so it's not a big deal. But, hey, do you know what everyone kept saying back there?" Sayo inclined her head. "If only we had Hikawa."

"My apologies," Sayo said, though Nakamori had spoken with the air of one discussing the weather. There was no accusation — in fact Nakamori beckoned Sayo to make her shot. She obliged. The world narrowed down to the bow and arrow on one side, the target on the other, and her body in between. Breathe, draw, and release. As long as her form was perfect so her shot would strike true. Sayo liked that about kyuudo. This time it was no different: her arrow struck where she meant it to.

Nakamori whistled. "Yeah, like that. Anyway, don't pay those lazy gits no mind. Your presence making all the difference means mad respect for you, but if the club seriously lost because we didn't have you, that just means we were so embarrassing losing was a mercy, really."

Sayo looked at her, really looked at her for the first time in years. Three years of sharing a homeroom and an extracurricular club with Nakamori and she was no closer to figuring her out. Or, to be more precise, in her first two years classmates and club mates hadn't merited her concern, and in her last year she'd opted to prioritize Roselia over kyuudo (for all it was worth). Sayo didn't regret her choice — couldn't regret choosing the guitar over anything else — but the same feeling that had driven her to the kyuudo range this morning resurfaced. It wasn't quite regret, just the realization of a good thing coming to an end while she wasn't looking at it.

"Is that something a captain should be saying, Nakamori-san?" she said with studied humour. The sort of thing Hina would say, except with more self-consciousness than Hina would ever muster. After all at another occasion Sayo had expressed Nakamori's sentiment with all the bombast and arrogance she'd thought Roselia had needed. They had stood the test of time and failed. _Sayo_ had broken her promise. Embarrassing was putting it lightly, but the more pressing question was if they — that was, Sayo — still had a right to continue.

Nakamori, oblivious to Sayo's internal turmoil, rubbed her chin thoughtfully and answered. "Probably not, but we're here to search for the truth, aren't we? That's the kyuudo captain talking. I guess we could talk about other things but I know you don't like pointless chatter, Hikawa. Ah, that's right, what brought you here at ass o' clock in the morning? You know last week was our club's official last meeting."

All club activities were to cease following this week so as not to distract the third year students from their studies. Which was precisely the reason Sayo had come. "This would be the last time I can practice kyuudo for the foreseeable future," she answered. There would be no kyuudo in America, and in Japan there would be no time.

Nakamori stared back, then nodded. Sayo wondered what she'd seen. "Right? Our youth, waiting for a spring to start."

Sayo shot half a dozen more arrows after that. She was no closer to coming to an answer. Before long she had to put away her bow and uniform and put on the disciplinary officer armband.

* * *

It had seemed straightforward. There was a target she needed to reach with her arrows. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. There was only one trajectory her arrows could fly.

The target was the Future World FES. That was the simple part. Whether she had any arrows to shoot with was the question. Though she had no intention to walk back on her declaration, it was undeniable she had made it under duress, under the influence of spite. Such decisions tended to look different in calmer times, with a cool head, when she had no one else to disrupt her rumination.

And the truth was this: Sayo wouldn't have aimed for the Future World FES had she been by her lonesome. She would have carried on with the guitar. Spite would have taken her down a different path — across genre, over the ocean. But on that day she had been facing Shirokane and Udagawa, the people that Minato and Imai had abandoned, forlorn and looking at Sayo as though she was their last hope. Unconciously, she thought — no one sober would have hung their hopes on Sayo. She couldn't leave them stranded.

So she had given them all a week to think. Several days into the week, Sayo had neither touched the guitar nor given the topic much thought. Busy with exams, she had said. It was a good excuse.

—

A few days into the week, a phone call came. Sayo took a look at the caller ID, and only ingrained habits made her pick her phone and answered. "Hikawa Sayo speaking. But not much longer, seeing as you don't want to talk to me, Imai-san."

There was a beat of silence as Sayo had apparently caught her off guard. _"… But I'm calling you right now. Listen — "_

"If you mean to persuade me to reconcile with Minato-san, save your breath. If you mean to check on me, well, you may disconnect in relief now."

She had risen to her feet at some point and started pacing around her room. If she strained, in one ear she could hear Hina humming a tooth-rotting tune from her own room. In another, the sound of breath escaping through gritted teeth. Veins thumping deafeningly in both ears.

_"I wasn't going to,"_ Lisa said cautiously. _"And if I was only worried I could've asked Hina. Sayo, I really do want to talk to you, just once — "_

"I find that doubtful. You're jealous of me. There's nothing we can possibly talk about."

Ah, she was lashing out again, raising her voice without thinking. She was angry, at Imai, yes, but also Minato and Sayo herself, concentrated on a convenient target. _If you're just taking your anger out on me…_ "We're done here," Sayo said, feeling more hollow than her voice sounded to her own ears.

She ended the call despite protests from the other end. And even then Sayo wasn't allowed space to wallow in despair. Glaring at Hina, she said, "How long have you been eavesdropping?"

"Just now?" Hina said, knuckles still poised to knock on the open door. Since it was her own negligence, Sayo let the matter drop, until Hina brought it up again. "Was that Lisa-chi? I wasn't listening! But you don't get calls from anyone else, ever."

While normally it wouldn't have bothered her, the completely matter of fact way Hina stated it twisted remorse deeper inside her. As if sensing this, Hina slipped inside and sat on Sayo's chair, chin propped on the head stand. "I knew it, you're fighting again. Is this about Lisa-chi being jealous over Yukina-chan?"

"How did you… Am I the only one who didn't know?" She almost didn't care that she was sulking. So Hina had known. Minato had made several pointed comments that in hindsight made it obvious she'd been laughing at Sayo. And if Minato had known, why not Shirokane or Udagawa, even bloody Shirasagi Chisato. Only Sayo had been too dense to notice, yet had the gall to admonish Minato.

Hina tilted her head from side to side. Blithely saying, "We-ell, Lisa-chi probably did her best to hide it from you. But is it really a big deal? I mean, I sometimes look at you and Yukina-chan be swish and click and I'd think, wow it'd sure be nice to be her right now. But then I wouldn't be me, and you'd have one less friend."

Sayo stared at Hina's smug — no, proud expression. The old feeling returned, the subject of the discussion surging up as though hearing its name called. "That's… different," Sayo managed. Far from Hina's glib pride, she had found only hatred as suffocating as it was comforting. Hina had always been better: in talents, in dealing with people, something Sayo had secretly thought of as her edge over Hina. In everything Hina shone brighter and better. Occasionally it was painful to be in her presence. Far more comfortable for her to remain in darkness.

For Imai it must have been thus. Co-existence in Roselia had been too painful — it must have been a relief to her to quit. Seen in that light, Roselia's current predicament was ultimately Sayo's fault. It wasn't fair — Sayo hadn't done anything wrong, had tried to do everything in her power to help. She even had the relevant experience. Imai knew her struggles better than most, and yet she had chosen to keep her troubles to herself while pretending she had bared everything to Sayo.

_Imai-san, you fucking hypocrite._ And she, Sayo, was an oathbreaker and a traitor.

Hina was waving before her eyes. Sayo batted her hand away. "Ooh, so grumpy, Onee-chan, what did Lisa-chi do?"

"Nothing," she spat after some deliberation. The truth was the truth whether she liked it or not, and she was accomplishing nothing stewing in rage. With some effort she pulled herself together and looked at her sister. "Hina… what did you think when I… when you knew I was jealous of you?"

One year ago it would've been unthinkable. Hina casually sitting on her desk, Sayo seeking counsel from Hina about a mutual… friend.

"Like the psssh because I caused you pain without noticing, or the eureka because I finally knew what's been getting your goat?"

Sayo frowned, forgoing chiding Hina's unclear choice of words just this once. Sadness and relief, she surmised, but not anger. "But you were not angry or disgusted."

"Naaah. You're my twin! My super kind and indulgent older sister (though Chisato-chan said too indulgent). You didn't want me to stop playing the guitar! So I knew the jealousy thing isn't the only thing you're made of. But maybe that's why you're incredibly pissed off at Lisa-chi. And Yukina-chan, too."

Mother came home then, and Hina bounded downstairs, leaving Sayo to ponder listlessly. She understood not a single part of it; she grew irritated the more she tried.

* * *

On Saturday Sayo took her last university entrance exam. The sky was clear, the wind chilly. Sayo huddled into her jacket, passing by a couple of girls wearing Haneoka uniform heading to the same direction. She was reminded that, for the first time, though she had said nothing on the subject, Hina wouldn't be attempting to follow her into school, whichever it would be.

Then one of the girls called her name. Sayo slowed her stride until the shorter girl caught up. "Minato-san," she greeted back.

"I didn't think you'd show up. There's no more need to take this exam, is there."

"I was already registered. What's the matter, Minato-san, afraid of one more competition?"

Minato snorted. "I see how it is. What makes you think we're of a level?"

"I always aim higher. So do you."

The rest of the walk went by silently. On arrival, the first order of business was finding the sitting arrangements, and once that was settled there was still some time to kill. Somehow Sayo found herself standing beside Minato once again, a shoulder's width apart. Minato had made herself even smaller, only her eyes were visible above her scarf.

_If it was Imai-san…_ Someone had to make the first move. That it should be Sayo was… not as much of a grievance as it would have been last week. Time did make problems look smaller, sometimes. "Nice scarf," Sayo said awkwardly.

"Thank you." Minato adjusted the thick layer of wool to better display the black cat embroidery. "Lisa made it for my birthday — because my old one was fraying. Even though it must have taken time," she grumbled the last. A little wonder, a little guilt, a cocktail Sayo was used to hearing coming from herself.

The most recent birthday, while they supposedly had not been talking to each other? The previous one, in Roselia's first year? But it wasn't her business, she told herself. Their irritating dance around Sayo, however, was. "Imai-san cares too much for everyone but herself, thus ensuring she'd trouble everyone when she falls."

Minato looked at her, head tilted. "I'm not sure I want to hear that from someone who managed to piss her off." As Sayo stared, she smirked and elaborated, "We do live next to each other, sit in the same classroom day after day."

Oh, right, Imai had retrieved her guitar from Minato's room. Sayo said, "Somehow I'm not convinced you have the higher ground, Minato-san."

Minato snorted, adjusting the scarf to cover her mouth. "This is really quite inane, Sayo. Were you always like this outside of music?"

Of course it was inane, Sayo thought, playing a game of chicken was never not inane, and layering Roselia on top of their interpersonal issues was no exception. Though Minato hadn't sounded critical, merely curious. Almost as if she was unfamiliar with the concept of small talk. Which also described Sayo, so she answered the question as given. "Hina and I used to talk like this, to pass the time. It kept her… manageable."

"Yes, I think I can see that. And as you are twins you'd have known quite nearly everything about each other already, which left this kind of inane banter. Surprised I'm not hopelessly ignorant?"

Sayo wiped the surprise off her face. "My apologies, it's easy to mistake for willfully ignorant."

Minato's nose flared. "I take that this insolence is proof you are indeed Hina's twin."

"That's what she said. Imai-san," Sayo said dryly, then more seriously, "you should visit a dog cafe with her."

Minato glared at her, as though expecting Sayo to tell her it was a joke. But Minato, at least, had always taken Sayo at her words. "Sayo, I'm not asking _you_ out. And assuming that Lisa would hang out with me, she'd never had problems with cat cafes."

"It would show that the subject of interest doesn't matter, it's the company and the time spent together that are valuable to you. Aren't they? A shopping trip might be even better, but it's not terribly conducive to talking, and I'd fear for your sanity."

Minato chewed her lip, then conscious of Sayo's gaze, stopped. "Is Lisa allergic to cats… or does she actually prefer dogs? All this time?" she asked plaintively. It was almost cute. It reminded Sayo of Hina's crestfallen look under the autumn rain, poleaxed and frantically trying to reconcile her idea with reality.

"I think she tolerates whichever shed less hair." Actually, Imai had never expressed a preference (Sayo suspected neither, or worse) but she couldn't resist tweaking Minato's nose a little. Get her to pay more attention.

Minato frowned. Pondering Sayo's cryptic remark as though it was a sage advice. Sayo let her brood peacefully, watching instead a group of boys pushing and making a nuisance of themselves. Their uniform was familiar — an all-boys high school Maruyama had pointed out at another time. What novelty, Sayo thought, made possible by attending a university. Any university she would choose, any path taken after graduation would lead to new possibilities. A new horizon was in sight regardless — the choice was to soar higher, or keep close to the ground where she could see it.

An idea struck her. "Minato-san, how would you like a wager? If you passed this exam, I'd treat you to a cat cafe of your choosing, for any length of time."

Minato looked up, a dangerous glimmer in her eyes that made Sayo regret her last condition. "A challenge, I see. You do like that sort of thing."

"All for the sake of becoming our best selves."

"Indeed. It's why I liked you."

A strong breeze blew suddenly. Minato wrapped the scarf tighter around her precious throat. Around them the other students perked up, becoming still and silent in a blink. It was the quiet before a battle.

Standing tall and staring down on Sayo despite their height difference, Minato said, "Very well. Challenge accepted. Better start saving now, Sayo."

* * *

Later at night, a notification flashed on her phone that had her wonder if human nature could change — if people could change of their own volition, without the crucible of extenuating circumstances. It was a very brief thought soon extinguished on reading the message. The form of it changed, but the pettiness stayed the same.

**Minato Yukina**: _In the interest of fairness, here's a challenge: write a song with Lisa. Not Roselia, just you and her._

**Hikawa Sayo**: _And should I fail?_

**Minato Yukina**: _Giving up already, Sayo?_

**Hikawa Sayo**: _Hardly, but it cannot be a proper challenge with neither a penalty or a reward._

**Minato Yukina**: _But where's the fun in knowing things in advance?_

* * *

_Note: Chapter title is taken from Red Fraction. Thanks to la_comtesse for alpha-reading._


	6. As reality watches from behind

**VI. As reality watches from behind**

"Sayo-senpai, you brought your guitar today."

Sayo had just finished her patrol and was leaving the gates when Hanazono called to her. They were likely the last students at school, as it was Sayo's job to send away malingering students.

"Hanazono-san. I saw you leave with your bandmates."

"Oh, yes, but I'm meeting with another friend. We're going to busk together, she's found a good place. Do you want to come with us?"

It was Monday. The one week grace period for considering Roselia's fate was running out. But there was some time before Sayo was expected at CiRCLE. Time that could have been used to re-acquaint herself with the guitar, to make up for her negligence the previous week. The old Sayo would have turned down the offer without a thought.

Sayo easily nodded, murmured, "I won't get in your way."

Hanazono tilted her head. "My amp can take one more guitar, no problem."

"I can't stay long, but I could work the camera for you," Sayo said, thinking that most people perform in public so they could be candidly recorded and publicised by the internet. Her offer seemed to confuse Hanazono more than anything else, but she graciously let Sayo tag along.

Hanazono's friend was waiting for her at the entrance of Otsuka station. Sayo's interest was piqued when she realized the guitar case on her back had to contain a bass guitar — Wakana Rei (who offered a handshake and had a firm grip) seemed interested that Hanazono had brought her along at all.

"Rei here's moved back to Tokyo to live as a musician," explained Hanazono as she set up her gig. Sayo wondered if they'd had the permission of the local police.

"And Sayo-senpai is also in a band. Roselia. Kasumi thinks they're our mentor-slash-rival but I told her Ran would fight us for the right. Their vocalist is like you, Rei. She also started out singing but took up the bass some time ago."

Puzzled, Sayo stole a glance at Wakana and found a like-minded fellow. Wakana offered a tentative smile, and said, "I'd like to watch Roselia perform someday. Will you be joining us, Sayo-san?"

"Not today. I'd promised Hanazono-san I'd record your performance. Besides, I have to leave sooner rather than later."

And it would be more beneficial to observe and evaluate Wakana's performance. Just in case. Beyond issuing her challenge, Minato hadn't contacted Sayo. Roselia's judgement time was coming. Roselia was missing a vocalist, a bassist, a writer and composer, and now a frontman, too. She was starting to understand why it had been so easy for Minato to walk away. Losing Minato meant losing more than half of Roselia. It made it all the more imperative to find her replacement.

Though it couldn't be a fair assessment. The venue was wrong for it. On the streets, what sound wasn't carried away by the crowd would be swallowed by the open skies. In a way, the handicap might have turned out to impress Sayo more. Wakana's vocals were powerful, and of a kind to Minato's, though she couldn't hold a candle to the latter. The more Sayo tried to shake off her influence, the more resonant Minato's voice seemed to ring in her mind. But as a bassist Wakana had Minato beat squarely. Even with the handicap of a split attention and no drums, Sayo could safely say Wakana was better than Imai.

Soon her allotted time was up, and she excused herself with the thought that a bass and guitar duet was a combination worth investigating.

* * *

"You're late!" Udagawa stood in the middle of the studio, arms crossed and glaring up at Sayo. Behind her, Shirokane smiled apologetically.

Sayo raised an eyebrow. "I came at exactly the time we were supposed to meet."

"Yeah, but you always came ten minutes earlier. So, uh, Sayo-san… are you alone?" Udagawa peeked around Sayo as though she was hiding Minato behind her back.

"Udagawa-san, if you knew Minato-san at all, you'd know there was never a chance she would return so easily."

Though it wasn't as if Sayo didn't share Udagawa's dejection. For a moment she, too, had placed her hope in the Minato who had started Roselia with her. She was only setting herself up for disappointment.

The studio was smaller than what they usually would use. She'd have to walk around Udagawa to reach the guitar's amp. Udagawa hadn't moved. Sayo had not the charisma Minato possessed in her small finger, but it seemed that she had to pick up some of her role, anyway.

"As with the last time Roselia parted ways — " And didn't it mean something that she could have interchangably spoken of their last rehearsal in the same tone. " — we cannot do anything about the things outside of our control. But through rehearsing together we can at least preserve Roselia's sound. And in time, we shall find new members to fill in the gaps… Yes, Udagawa-san?"

Her hand had shot straight upward in the middle of Sayo's speech as though they were in a classroom. "Just to be sure, Sayo-san, when you said Roselia's sound you mean everything we've done until now? Even though they need Yukina-san and until now everything we've made is composed by Yukina-san?"

"I understand your apprehension, but if we are to participate in this year's FWF we cannot afford to waste time recreating our discography from scratch. What we can do instead is find a suitable vocalist and bassist."

Udagawa screwed her mouth. Sayo could see her objections as they appeared. But their discography was tailored to fit Minato's vocals from its inception. But no one understood music as well as Minato did, who ate and breathed rock music and more. Udagawa was silent for a long time until Shirokane said, "Ako-chan, think of it as… making covers of our own songs… Because Hikawa-san is right… we're pressed for time… It's more important to just start…"

Sayo waited. With the shuffle, Shirokane had taken up the role of softening her words. Her, Sayo. And Shirokane and Udagawa looked at her for guidance, easily transferring their allegiance from Minato to Sayo. The ease with which they adjusted to missing such crucial members made her pause.

But only for a while. "Sayo-san, just one more question," Udagawa said timidly. "Uh, you're still going to go to America, right? No matter what happens at FWF?"

Sayo understood her concern immediately. Udagawa wanted to know if the FWF was to be their death poem, as the samurai and learned men had left behind in the days of yore. For Sayo it was the choice between that and leaving the body rotting forgotten without so much as a funeral. Metaphorically speaking. Though it wasn't a metaphor that would motivate anyone but herself. If it were Minato, she would say things as they were meant for her, Minato Yukina, and through sheer charisma would motivate the band anyway. Sayo didn't have that skill. She'd have to word her answer carefully.

"I know you are anxious for the future of Roselia. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any certainties. The answer could only be found in the FWF itself: whether we could achieve our goal without some of our original members — and beyond the FWF, whether Roselia could continue as a band in this manner. Only this I can say for sure: we are Roselia, and our music is all that matters. What shape it will take, what our future will be, is something only we can make. So once again I ask the both of you: knowing what we have lost, and not knowing what is before us in the long term, will you still keep the memory of Roselia alive with me, and elevate it closer to the pinnacle?"

Surprisingly, it was Shirokane who answered first, demurely, but also firmly. "Only closer… but not quite at the pinnacle… I think some would say that was… an admission of loss…"

And by 'some' she surely meant Minato. Since it came from Shirokane, Sayo easily let the good-natured jab slide off aside. "My apologies, you're right, Shirokane-san. We should always aim higher. Will you…"

Shirokane nodded, then glanced sideways. Until now Udagawa was frowning at her feet, pouting. Thinking, Sayo hoped. After a while, she declared, "I'm still not sure. I don't like it. But if I don't like it, it'll show up in my performance, and then it'll be even worse, so… I'll work on liking it. And we'll show Yukina-san… we'll show Yukina-san!"

Sayo felt her lips curve. "I'd rather you put that effort into finding us new members, Udagawa-san. And rehearse wholeheartedly. It's time for us to start."

Roselia's instrumentation was built arround the vocals. Individual practice was good and well when they were under the impression it would all be put together under Minato's guidance. With the shadow of a different vocalist — or no vocalist at all — the rehearsal felt hollow. Fortunately for them, there were solo recordings of Minato's voice left from their cover-heavy period. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do for now.

Udagawa said, "Can't we, I don't know, ask one of the other girls to fill in? Like when Hina-chin subbed for Lisa-nee. Like, Ran-chan? Then maybe Yukina-san… actually, 'twas a bad idea never mind."

About the only thing Sayo knew about Mitake was that she held a grudge against Minato for one reason or another — and that Minato was completely oblivious to it. No, she decided, it wouldn't even be useful as a means to provoke Minato. She thought also of Wakana's recording in her phone. A professional hopeful, Hanazono had said. Professional meant work ethics and money. Roselia had only the first. She'd have to think about it with Roselia's books in hand. So she said, "Let's look for someone unattached to a band first."

Twirling her sticks, Udagawa said, "Hey, Rinrin, what's that combination you were telling me the other day, the one with a drum, guitar, and piano? Something trio something?"

"Jazz trio… and it's more common to include… bass instead of guitar…"

Whatever the combination, it was always left to Sayo to put her foot down. "Udagawa-san, we are _not_ switching to jazz. For one, missing a beat because you get carried away is not the same as getting into the swing."

Rehearsal ran a bit shorter than their usual time. Hobbled, rather. Hobbling, hollow — not words she'd rather use anywhere near Roselia. It wasn't Minato's presence specifically, Sayo thought, just that the band was designed to support a vocalist from the start. Nevertheless, when the end result was the same, who was she to split hairs?

* * *

It was Friday and the Hikawa household was bustling with life.

As usual Hina was up and about before Sayo, the blisteringly cold morning not slowing her in the least. As usual she was making a great production of preparing to go to school. Sayo ignored her and went about her own routines, occasionally catching Mother's sharp, by now rote admonishments which she seemed to issue only because the opportunities for them would dry up in a few months. Fully clothed and halfway to feeling like a human, Sayo trudged to the dining room. Hina was inhaling breakfast and chattering at a higher velocity than usual. It was the last day of the theatre club. Hina, Sayo painstakingly drew out of the recesses of her memory, was not in the theatre club.

"… a joint play for the next cultural festival. Kaoru-kun's idea, so it's her script and Chisato-chan's but the juniors are free to change it. Kaoru-kun wanted Yukina-chan to write the musical numbers but she couldn't get more than one sentence before getting rejected so Chisato-chan bullied Lisa-chi into doing it. So that'll be a band thing, we've no shortage of those. It's turning out to be pretty boppin'! The first run's gonna be just the third years, it's something like a farewell gift from us to the juniors. I wanted to participate, too, but I gotta lots of stu-co work and Tsugu-chan won't let me off a single meeting. Oh, but the band's missing a guitarist so Onee-chan will play for us, won't you, Onee-chan? The rehearsal's today, dress rehearsal's next week, and the performance's in February, but don't worry, the songs are super easy, and your part's just the rhythm."

"You're speaking too fast," grumbled Sayo. She caught maybe a third of Hina's buzzing. Her chopsticks fumbled and swam like a drunk fly angling for the last cutlet on the table. At the last moment a different pair swooped in. Sayo looked askance at Hina, obliviously enjoying her spoils. But Hina had to leave for school soon if she didn't want to be late, so Sayo bit her tongue and ducked down to enjoy her diminished meal. It was then she noticed Mother's gaze on her before returning to Hina without issue.

Hina's monologue continued. "Also can Chisato-chan stay over tonight? There's an event tomorrow that'll be closer to our home than hers."

After the first couple of times Mother's permission came easily. Then she turned to Sayo. "Meanwhile, Sayo has never invited anyone over, not even Imai Lisa-chi, and you've crashed at her place how many times now?" It would seem Mother still hadn't forgiven her for not asking permission first. Though there was real curiosity in there. Not for the first time Sayo noted that Hina probably got her tendencies from Mother.

Sayo's brain worked sluggishly. Why she'd never invited Imai over, eh. Not shame, not inconvenience to herself or her parents, but…

"Even though Hina also talks about her often. It's been a while since you twins have friends in common."

…That. Up until high school, Sayo's friends had been Hina's friends first and foremost, tolerating Sayo — and vice versa — as a favor to Hina. The childish part of her that was still resentful feared the same would happen again. Surely Imai would find Hina's company more enjoyable — their temperaments were more similar, and there was never a lull in conversations with Hina.

While Sayo was brooding, Hina answered the question for her. "Because they're fighting again. Is that what 'close enough to fight' means?"

"Not if they fight all the time. Something isn't quite right and needs to be fixed," Mother said, taking Hina seriously. This part of her she passed on to Sayo.

"Hmhmhm, Onee-chan's broken up with Yukina-chan too, and Roselia's even going into hiatus."

"Aren't you running late?" Sayo interjected pointedly. So reminded, Hina dashed back upstairs to brush her teeth and snatch her bag, and barely remembered to excuse herself to Mother as she went out.

Unfortunately, Mother was neither in a hurry nor as easily distracted. "Hina was only worried about you," she said. "And she's right. You haven't been practicing the guitar lately, even though studying for the exams has never stopped you from finding the time. Can you survive in America like this?"

Her first instinct was to deny it. She wasn't a child anymore, to come crying to her mother with her petty problems. Then Udagawa's speech came to mind, as well as her own grievances against Imai. At some point keeping mum about an issue was a symptom in itself. At the very least she shouldn't worry her mother. Or Hina, but Sayo wasn't convinced Hina was worried so much as amused by the facets of humanity that only turned up in conflicts.

She could try explaining the broadstrokes of it, at least. "Minato-san and I no longer see eye to eye. Or to be more precise, we each believe the other had changed but not ourselves. And so we doubt that the other still holds the same standard, that we still aim for the same goal. That we both still have the band's interest at heart, and not our own personal achievements."

It seemed a needlessly complicated problem that could have been solved by talking. Mother's bewildered expression said so. But it wasn't the whole problem, Sayo insisted to herself, except that she hadn't been able to explain it herself yet, much less to other people.

Mother said, "But we were talking about Imai-san."

"Imai-san was somewhat involved. She was present when I fought with Minato-san. And for that alone I blamed her for everything. I said some cruel things."

"How cruel are we talking?"

"Some truth. Half slander. All unforgiveable." Even Imai must have her limits. And having a vague idea of their existence, Sayo had tried to push as far as she could. This tendency, more than others, was what surely marked Hina and Sayo as twins. Except Hina often didn't realize what she was doing, whereas Sayo knew, but couldn't stop herself. Or maybe she wouldn't. The end result was the same.

Mother looked pained, which cut into Sayo more than any strongly worded rebuke could. "Well, that's horrid of you. Have you tried apologizing?"

Sayo shook her head — none, no real apologies that were more than a means to alleviate her guilt.

"Oh, Sayo," Mother said in the tone she hadn't heard since middle school. A little exasperated, a little despondent, as if Sayo's failure was Mother's failure. And hence, she'd try all the harder to instill good sense in her. "Hopefully you've learned a lesson about saying things you don't mean in anger."

She started stroking Sayo's hair, then switched to pressing knuckles on her skull until Sayo saw stars.

—

Though what did intent have to do with it? At her school Sayo was a disciplinary officer. A student who came in late would have to be marked down as late, barring extreme circumstances. Benevolent reasons such as helping an old lady cross the street did not make a good excuse, let alone having no good reason for her bad behavior. Though Mother and Hina might have meant well, their unconditional faith in Sayo was unwarranted, and quite unhelpful. It didn't matter that she hadn't meant to be cruel to Imai, only that she had.

This crossed her mind as after school, clipboard in hand and officer-on-duty band around her arm, Sayo was forced to step in and break up an absurd crowd clogging the entrance gate. The source of disturbance being an acquaintance of sorts only made her firmer in her call. "Seta-san, please do not cause blockage around the entrance. The rest of you should have been heading home by now."

The crowd quickly dispersed, grumbling in earshot. She was used to that as a disclipinary officer. She turned to the Prince of Haneoka High, who seemed to be nursing a headache. Or so Sayo thought, until she opened her mouth, "My dear Sayo, you have appeared to me in my hour of need."

Sayo looked up to her, momentarily speechless. "Please state your business in our school."

Shirasagi answered it for her, coming up to them from the main building. "That would be me. How did I know that ruckus would've been caused by you, Kaoru? Save it, we're running late as it is," she said as Seta opened her mouth. Even so, both of them seemed to be waiting for Sayo to move.

Asked, Shirasagi had an apologetic look on her face as she said, "Hina-chan said you've agreed to substitute for one of the guitarists. I suppose she forgot to mention that the penultimate rehearsal is today, and the performance is in two weeks? I'm sorry, I assumed, seeing as you'be brought your guitar with you to class today."

"How fleeting is knowledge," Seta said, nodding sagely. "Never fear, I shall — "

"You are _not_ going to play the guitar while prancing on the stage."

"I'll do it," Sayo said. "Please allow me some time to settle my duties."

It was an impulsive move. As she finished her patrol routine and collected her things, Sayo wondered with amazement at herself. She didn't actually have the time to frolick with a project she'd known nothing about until this morning, and at Hina's whims at that. There was Roselia to think about. Though when she thought about it, Roselia was effectively still in hiatus pending a vocalist. At times such as these it was also important for her to keep challenging herself. Frantically learning a set of pieces at the last minute seemed like a professional musician's breakfast. And she couldn't afford to let Hina's carelessness trouble everyone else. Rationalizations lined up like ducklings in a row, Sayo was even looking forward to the gig.

On the way to Haneoka, Seta explained to her. As far as she could decipher, the musical was Seta and Shirasagi's brainchild, their gift to future generations of Haneoka and Hanajo students, to be reinterpreted for every annual joint cultural festival. The protagonist — for this initial run played by Shirasagi — must spin tales each night to prolong her life, giving an excuse for the tales to change with each iteration of the play.

"As Shakespeare would say… the tale evolves in the telling," Seta concluded, propping her forehead with her dainty fingers. "And we, the living, must keep changing to stay alive. With each night the princess must paint a different dream, each more exciting than the last, tethering the prince through the long nights, until at last dawn arrives, and the prince is loathe to remain ignorant of the heroine's final fate, within his sight but out of his grasp until the next night. And so the princess lives for another day, another night to spin another tale. Isn't it just fleeting?"

"I see," Sayo said. She thought it was a bit overwrought, but she could sympathize with the princess's desperation manifesting as art. "Though I don't see where the band comes in."

Shirasagi said, "Each tale is performed as a musical number. Kaoru had wanted a completely silent performance, at first, with the narrative contained in the songs. Yukina-chan would have been our star, then."

"Alas, our diva has better things to do. But perhaps you're familiar with this turn in our fate."

Sayo wasn't, but with Shirasagi watching her furtively, she wracked her memories. Hina had mentioned it this morning, she knew. After a while, Shirasagi said, "I called in a favor and Lisa-chan proves to be up to the task. Did you truly not know, Sayo-chan?"

Trust Shirasagi to see through her attempt to hide her ignorance, and look gleeful at having an advantage over Sayo.

"Whom Imai-san — and Minato-san inform of their business is their business," Sayo said curtly.

"Maybe that is true for Yukina-chan. For Lisa-chan, it _is_ your business. I say this not to be petty, but because she will play the bass. Kaoru and I need to know if you will still participate under these circumstances — your quarrel with Lisa-chan and the time crunch."

Shirasagi looked solemn, and after exchanging a glance with Seta, so did her partner in crime. "Do not worry for what would become of us," Seta said, "There are other guitarists in our year in both schools, who may not compare to you, but are nevertheless available. Hina, and Chisato and I, thought to invite you so that we may create an everlasting memory of the last moments of high school."

Sayo suppressed her irritation at everyone — Shirasagi Chisato — knowing of her quarrel with Imai. Faced with so much unexpected sincerity, she could only yield one answer. "It will be my pleasure, Seta-san. And Shirasagi-san, you need not worry, I do not let personal issues interfere with work. As long as Imai-san finds no problems with this arrangement, neither do I."

Professional musicians, Sayo imagined, would also have to be able to perform alongside difficult people. And personal relationships had never mattered to Sayo's music before Roselia. As precious as Roselia had become to her, she had to be able to work in variable circumstances.

When they arrived at Haneoka's auditorium, as Shirasagi had expected they were past late. Rehearsal was already underway for the parts that didn't require either Shirasagi or Seta. Yamato, apparently acting as the director, seemed relieved to see all three of them.

"There you all are! Oh, and Hikawa-san, too, with a guitar, thank goodness! Where do you want her, Lisa-san — er, what's wrong?"

Imai looked like she had bitten a worm-infested lemon. A blink, then she had her customer service smile affixed. "Nothing. I wasn't expecting — I mean, Hina didn't mention who she'd gotten to sub in."

"Unfortunately, that's me." Sayo couldn't resist a bite. Be professional, she admonished herself. Trying again, "Where do I start?"

"Uh, First you'll need the scores… which are in the theatre club room. I can get them for you."

"I'll come with you. That way you can fill me in on the details."

Imai glanced at Shirasagi, who merely inclined her head. Shoulders squared, Imai led the way.

The theatre club was housed in a room not too far away from the auditorium, a sizeable room made small by props and things Sayo had no name for. Sayo stood by as Imai eyed a folder on top of a skull, itself lying on top of a small mountain of papers. Sayo could just about reach it standing on tiptoes, so she did, and wordlessly handed over the folder. Imai flipped over the contents, muttering a quiet 'thank you'.

"Okay, you brought your guitar, so you could warm up and study here. Your sight-reading is phenomenal, and there's still some time before we'll do a full rehearsal from the beginning. I'm gonna give you some space. Uh, call me or Maya if you have some problems, like if you get lost, or — do you have Maya's number?"

(Hina was held up by the student council's meeting. Not that Sayo had thought to look for her.)

"I have yours," Sayo said, impatiently holding out her hand. "I'm sure you have more important things to do than micro-managing a substitute."

Well-manicured red claws curled protectively around the folder. The collar was slightly open, the tie loosened in what passed for fashionably disarrayed. Sayo could see the throat tighten, Imai's signal for bringing up an difficult subject.

"Sayo, _you_ followed me here to have a talk. Out with it."

There. Sayo felt a flush of strange pride at being able to read her like a book. "We're on the job," she said glibly, "that's all there is to talk about."

"Bullshit. You're enjoying this — you're having the time of your life taunting me. At least tell me what I did to deserve it. Because this isn't like you at all."

"Why, so you could apologize?" _So you could forgive me?_ As much as Sayo had a measure of her, so did Imai. And once pointed out, any pleasure Sayo could have derived from the conversation evaporated. Unforgivable, she had judged herself in front of Mother, and she had meant it. There was no other name for breaking her promise the moment Imai had bared herself to Sayo. Yet here she was, ready to offer reconciliation. A different kind of irritation piqued. "I wonder. You've changed also. Where was this generosity when it was Minato-san's turn?"

"Hang on, what's Yukina got to do with — "

"I have never asked you to choose between myself or Minato-san. You didn't have the courage to quit, so you tried to make me the villain. Did it never occur to you that I would understand jealousy? Who was it who'd always badgered me to not keep my problems to myself? Allow me to correct myself: you are a manipulative fucking hypocrite."

Her last sentence seemed to echo in the small room. Odd, she didn't remember raising her voice. It was everything she'd always thought to say, and never wanted to say. As hurt and disappointment clouded Imai's eyes Sayo realized why. Imai's trust she'd thought had been lost, and the affection she'd never deemed necessary, both undone with simple words. Regret seeped into her nerves too late.

"I'm sorry," Sayo mumbled.

Imai's expression hardened. "Why? Why now? You've been saying it a lot. That one word, manipulative. I'm starting to develop immunity to it. Don't tell me you've never meant it."

"I don't — I will make no excuses for myself," Sayo said, gradually firm in her resolve. Wrong was wrong, and if Imai had finally had enough and decided to sever her, so be it.

But Imai didn't seem to be interested in Sayo's answer, ploughing straight on. "I'm asking if you hate me so much you're coming all the way here to ruin the event for Chisato and Hina and everyone else, just because I'm also attached to it."

"No! But — "

"Then shut up and do your job!" Imai shoved the folder into Sayo's arms so hard she staggered backward, and could only watch as Imai stormed outside. Not back to the auditorium yet but the bathroom, desperately trying to hide her red eyes. Imai could be vain, but this was a vanity even Sayo could understand.

The theatre club was foreign and cold. Sayo surpressed a shiver as she desperately turned to the work at hand. Wiggled her numb fingers before her eyes. January shouldn't be this frigid, she thought absently. Would America be even colder? She dreamed it would be — Sayo, alone in a field of snow, white as far as the eyes could see.

Finally, finally she took her guitar and began practicing. As she was starting to get truly absorbed into the music, the door opened again and Shirasagi walked in, wearing her displeasure plainly. Sayo began to apologize for her conduct, but Shirasagi shook her head.

"It's my fault for trusting that Lisa-chan would be able to handle, well, you."

"No, the fault is all mine. Imai-san is blameless," Sayo said earnestly.

"Oh no, that's never in doubt. The question is what you'll do next, Sayo-chan," Shirasagi said evenly, with a thick overtone of… something. This was what made talking to her bothersome.

She pushed her irritation aside. "I can only promise that it won't happen again, if you — and Imai-san — would still have me on board."

Shirasagi seemed to consider it for a second. "Believe me, if we weren't strained for choice, I wouldn't. I do wonder what Lisa-chan sees in you."

"That makes the two of us."

Shirasagi snorted. "This isn't the time to be disarmingly honest. Though I suppose you are Hina-chan's twin."

When Sayo looked at her confused, she shook her head, said, "You should try that on Lisa-chan, not me," and beckoned her to return to the auditorium. There, Sayo took her place and introduced herself to the drummer, from Haneoka's light music club, and greeted the lead guitarist and keyboardist, both she recognized from Hanasakigawa's light music club. Imai was already there, pink around the eyes and nose, but otherwise wearing her sunny facade and resolutely not looking at Sayo.

"So now that we've all known each other," she said breezily, "we're going to start from the beginning. I'll give the cues, so look at me, all right?"

Presumably the others have rehearsed together a couple of times, and it was only said for Sayo's benefit. She nodded. And watched. And waited. This was a stage like any other, just less prominent by design. Her guitar was background for words, in service to a greater visual spectacle. Within the band she flowed along with the others, taking the back seat. Overall Yamato called the shots. By now they must have rehearsed often enough that she only gave silent cues, then spent most of the play watching and fidgeting restlessly.

Five scenes, five songs of different styles, all adapted from Western classical music — so she assumed from the vaguely European titles credited. As Hina had promised, her part was only in providing rhythmic color. Nothing she couldn't follow while sight-reading, with some allowance for the occasional slips. It was nothing like performing with Roselia, in fact it was closer to her experience before Roselia. It was not a nostalgia she cared to think of too closely, playing with people she barely knew by name. It was like this for professional musicians, she told herself, even those with a band. To make ends meet she had to stomach playing music she abhorred, with people who disliked her.

But it would be so much easier if there was no animosity between them. Their performance would be all the better if they could look at one another and know what the other was thinking. Roselia was at its best when they had each other's back. As yet again Sayo unconsciously tried to catch Imai's eye and failed, her resolve was made.

The rehearsal ended in one run. Sayo had joined too late. If it were Roselia they'd have at least five more, with no one allowed to leave until they'd had at least three. As it was Sayo was unsatisfied. Cleaning up done, she purposefully strode up to Imai. She was talking to Shirasagi when by chance she turned and saw Sayo inching closer. The change in her bearing was obvious. Discouraging, but not unexpected.

Sayo said, "If you have the time, I'm afraid I'd need some additional sessions."

"I think you did well. You'd practice better on your own," Imai said curtly.

"Then I'd like to apologize."

Imai's lips quavered, then thinned to a prim line. "You've apologized. It's fine. I did some things wrong by you, anyway, so we're even."

If Sayo could tell Imai was forcing herself to mean the words, Shirasagi surely had seen through the flimsy lie down to its cause. Covering her smile, Shirasagi said, "Better hear what Sayo-chan has to say, or she's like to start apologizing here and now."

"If it would show you my sincerity — " It was either a taunt or a hint. Sayo had nothing to lose, anyway. She started bowing. Flustered, Imai stopped her by the shoulders.

"I get it already! Uh, Chisato…"

Shirasagi shrugged. "Just message me later, Lisa-chan. Have fun."

"I didn't want to say this in front of Chisato," Imai said some moments later, stopping abruptly by the entrance gate. Far away enough from prying eyes and ears. "But, look, you've called me manipulative, what, three times now? Four?"

"I chose the word for the express purpose of hurting you, not its resemblance to the truth."

"Uh huh, well, the truth hurts, and when you say something so strong so many times I've got to wonder if there isn't something I've done repeatedly to upset you. If it isn't better that we… stop talking to each other."

She let go of Sayo's wrist suddenly — the lost of warmth was regrettable. Winter afternoon cast a pallid shadow on her face. Slightly lower, her knuckles turned white around the strap of her bass case. Imai spoke fast, self-deprecatory. "I don't have so many friends I can trust with my heart that I can afford to let go my one and only loyal henchwoman, even when she's being a S-ranked asshole. But I swear I can also take a hint. So if that's what you want, I — this musical will be the last time."

Sayo let out a silent breath. She'd been such an idiot, only realizing what she'd had the moment she'd lost it. This time, she picked her words carefully. Disarmingly honest, Shirasagi had said. As if Sayo had anything else left in her disposal. "I don't… hate you. I don't think you're a vile person. The opposite. I think the exact opposite. You should have better friends. Better than me. More like Shirasagi-san."

"Uh, you're both my friends?" Imai said, nonplussed and wary.

"But you conceal your true feelings and desires, and pretend they don't matter, all the while using your eloquence and charisma to achieve the result you want, that sometimes is the same as the result you think would be good for everyone, regardless of what they think. I object to this notion that you alone know best. I reject that the best course would require your sacrifice. But I cannot deny I have been reprehensible toward you especially. Therefore, Imai-san."

Imai stood taller, seemingly unconsciously, in response to the strain in Sayo's voice. "If you wish to stop associating with me — if that is truly what would be good for you, then I shall gladly never appear before you again. Only that I'm truly sorry for betraying your trust and lashing out on you."

The shadows disappeared into the evening. Darkness fell fast in winter. Already the streetlights were coming on. In the same manner Sayo had started bowing well into her apology, and once again Imai stopped her by the shoulders. "You're exaggerating. Come on, people are going to stare, eh, Miss Hanajo Disciplinary Officer?" Imai sounded breathless.

"But we're in Haneoka," Sayo said, a bit stupidly. She did straighten herself.

A tendril of white breath escaped Imai's lips. She wrapped her blazer tighter around herself, and pinched her eyes together. She took her time to respond. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too. But I'm not sure I can forgive you just yet."

That was fair; Sayo had carried her anger past its expiration date. Some remnants of it smouldered in her gut, still. Sayo nodded, swallowing a lump. Something must have shown in her face, for Imai sighed again and said, "Come on, let's go to CiRCLE before it gets too late. You wanted to practice together, didn't you?"

Sayo frowned, trying to hide her surprise. She had almost forgotten about her pretext. Which wasn't much of a pretext as she did need it, but immediately she thought of a better need. "I did. I do. Although there's something else I want to do first. Would you join me in busking by a station?"

Quite suddenly Sayo understood people's fascination with taking pictures of everything. Imai's expression at the moment was one for the years to come.

* * *

_Chapter title is taken from Tsukiakari no Michishirube._  
_In another world, Roselia would have pivoted into a jazz trio band and it'd be Rinko's time to shine._  
_I forgot to note it the last few times, but Sayo's American school is based on a real school, though in the spirit of the game, I'm keeping it vague._  
_And now that Chisato and Kaoru's flashback episode is out, maybe the real AU element for this series is Chisato's backstory?  
_


	7. Your left hand, my right hand

**VII. Your left hand, my right hand**

"So just to be sure, you're going to take your precious guitar out in the middle of winter."

"I am," Sayo said as she slung the strap over her shoulder. "And I've told you to wear something warm. Less exposed, fit for standing for a long time in the middle of winter, does that all ring a bell?"

Imai ignored Sayo's sarcasm, as she had ignored all her comments regarding her fashion sense. "And you're going to play to no one in particular, in a place where your sound is going to just disappear."

"That's the idea." Guitar plugged into the portable amp she'd rented from CiRCLE, Sayo made an experimental strum. Definitely much weaker than a studio or a stage amp, but serviceable.

"And you're not even looking for the money or extra clout on your SNS."

Sayo paused in the middle of tuning to look pointedly at her maybe-partner. "You're welcome to record our performance or put out a collection box, but you should at least tune your bass first."

White breath obscured Imai's face for a moment. "Really not the point…"

Then what was? But Imai ignored her and began tuning her instrument. Sayo did feel a little guilty: though Saturday morning was warm with the sun shining, it was still chilly. The previous evening they'd settled for practicing for the musical at CiRCLE. Sayo wasn't so impulsive as to march to any station right away, and as it turned out, Imai was even less so. With their friendship barely rescuscitated and kept on life support, Sayo had vowed to herself to stop doubting Imai's sincerity. Her company had little enough value that she had to believe Imai came along because she wanted to.

Even so, she wasn't normally this fussy. Sayo hesitated, then started to speak only to close her mouth again. Imai turned to her, an indecipherable crease between her eyes. Then abruptly, she smiled. "Sorry, I'm just trying to get a sense for why you, Miss Hanajo Disciplinary Officer, got so enthusiastic about busking of all things."

"It's fun."

Imai waited. Sayo waited. A little boy paused to stare at them before his mother tugged him into the station.

"…In the state that Roselia is in, I decided I needed to hone on my improvisation skills. Fun, or the appearance of having fun, seems to be essential. To be sure, skills and techniques are also important, but presently it's not a concern… What's so funny?"

Imai grinned from ear to ear. "I got to hear Sayo-ish morning pep talk, I'm all fired up now."

Flustered, Sayo retorted, "Are you, really. Why are you here, Imai-san?"

"Well, if I have to do one more problem I might just burn my textbooks and drink the ashes. Everyone's still not as bored of studying, though, and you're the only one doing something fun. Although, wouldn't it be better to have a jam session with Ako and Rinko? You know, your bandmates?"

Sayo had debated the point with herself. The answer came readily. "We would only be recreating Roselia, but with less instruments. You are the only one of us who has tried to break away from Minato-san's influence."

Imai looked down on her hands, bashful more than ashamed, Sayo thought. "I didn't really think of it that way… and anyhow those were commissions, with specific demands. I've never tried finding my own sound the way you do."

"Now's a good time to start. With me, Imai-san. One Roselia number in E minor, coming up."

"But that's all of them!"

Instead of words, Sayo let her guitar answer. She hadn't been completely honest — today wasn't completely spontaneous. She'd spent the previous night planning for the session, asking Shirokane for recommendations for jazz music, forcing her imagination to fly and watching it flop in her mind, doing everything but plucking the strings. Now she was letting it all loose. This was a stage like any other, only a little cold and stark, and indifferent. The indifference served them well. No one would remember or care much of the mistakes they'd make while groping blindly for the musical thoroughline.

Sayo started with the familiar, playing the melody to one of Roselia's first original songs. After a beat Imai caught on and joined in, shoulders tense and playing timid, but accurate. More accurate than her time as Roselia's bassist, which normally would've been what Sayo wanted. They were two whales trying to find their way home through echoes of memories. And sooner or later Imai would slip up. Sayo waited for that moment to come. When it did, Sayo swerved along with her. The first time it happened Imai stopped, bewildered.

On Sayo's urging — "It's more important to keep playing. In fact, if you could keep going along the circle of fifths" — Imai said, "What, jazz? That kind of an improv?"

"Exactly."

"Huh. I mean, I know you're always serious, but I've always thought you were… ah, a diehard rock and metal head."

"Like Minato-san?" Sayo said, guessing correctly judging by Imai's grimace. "You're not wrong. But that's exactly why I wanted to branch out — why I needed you here."

"Wow, you sure know how to flatter a girl," was the dry answer. For a moment Sayo wondered if she'd come on too strongly, but Imai only blew into her hands in a futile effort to warm them, and winked. "Okay, bring it!"

Back to E minor, on a different template that left space for calls and responses. This time they spoke in dialogues, in phrases and idioms that neither had the time or experience to think about. In Sayo's imagination that was the point: leaving it to instinct would uncover the gems usually hidden by sticking to Minato's scores. When she thought about it later they were making a shameful display all around, flailing and tripping over each other, drunk whales who strayed further into the deep unknown sea. Their saving grace was that the pedestrians milled about as though they were not there.

It was the cold that thwarted them. Sayo was reluctant to stop just when she was beginning to see a decent groove, but she couldn't deny that she couldn't feel her hands anymore. There was a cafe nearby, a cozy, music-themed hole in the wall. While Imai went to the bathroom to fix her hair, Sayo sneaked to the counter and ordered two cups of coffee. Her treat, she insisted, since Sayo had dragged Imai into the cold. She had expected Imai to try and pay her back anyway, but she only promised to keep a tab on it and obediently took the steaming cup between her hands. A thoughtful frown marred her forehead. Several moments passed that way, Sayo and Imai jammed in a corner seat with their instruments taking up all the space.

Imai said, "Well, you wanted to have fun. Was it fun?"

"Fun is what you have the moment before you make a mistake," Sayo deadpanned.

"We made a ton of mistakes, though." Imai snapped her fingers, grinning mischievously. "Oh, I get it, that was a roundabout confession."

"Is that truly something to be proud of?"

Warmth started to return to the nape of her neck first, then her face. For her hands she borrowed the heat from the coffee. The cafe's music was too loud to properly think, and anyway it was proper music that made her earlier attempt look like a cat playing with the guitar. By pure chance she glimpsed Imai's throat working, and internally sighed and prepared herself for a talk.

"So I was thinking, there's a livehouse nearby. Chisato and I go there sometimes for her, er, lessons, why are you smirking?"

Sayo coughed into her hand. "The famed actress Shirasagi Chisato recognized the superiority of my former bandmate, am I not allowed to be proud?" Too late, she remembered that Imai hadn't forgiven her.

"W-well, of course, it's thanks to your Spartan training regime. But it's really just that she's busy and I'm a lot cheaper and more flexible than the instructor her agency provided."

Hina had called it bullying. Imai had tried too hard to downplay it. Sayo said, "It sounds as if Shirasagi-san is your patron."

"No way, that makes _me_ sound like a real artist."

"But you are."

"You know what I mean."

Sayo didn't, but Imai had already moved on, or rather back to her original point. There was a livehouse nearby called Galaxy, with instruments and equipments useful for their purposes. In particular Imai seemed to be in a looping phase. She argued it would be much easier to record and write down their session in a studio. Oh, and it would be warmer, a strong contender Sayo couldn't deny.

A new guest came in, and along with them a chill breeze that tickled Sayo's nose. She sneezed, and when she looked up Minato was staring back at her. Half of her face was hidden under the same cat scarf Sayo had last seen her in, the top half of it was cast in disbelief as she took in the scene.

Imai unfroze first. "Yukina! What a coincidence. Sayo and I were just busking by the station. Uh, wanna sit down for a bit?"

"I figured," Minato said through her scarf. Without moving, she looked at Sayo. "Congratulations, it looks like you win this round."

"Win what?" Imai said suspiciously.

Sayo ignored her. The caffeine she'd imbibed, and Minato's twitch of irritation that she hadn't managed to hide, had set her blood pumping. "Your turn, Minato-san. Unless you're too much of a coward."

Minato raised an eyebrow. She pulled down her scarf and sat on the next table. "Lisa, there's a dog cafe I want to check out, if you're also interested."

Imai's eyes darted from Minato to Sayo, and back again. "This is so sudden and mysterious and I don't know where to begin. Uh, a _dog_ cafe, though? Is Sayo also going?"

"Sayo said you don't like cats…" Minato trailed off, glaring at Sayo pointedly. The part of Sayo that was Hina's twin crowed in victory, the saner part could only lament Minato's suddenly missing charisma.

"I don't dislike cats, exactly, I just don't like them to the extent that you do, or Sayo with her dogs. I'm okay with cats, dogs, whatever as long they don't get into my house. But never mind that, why are you using me to settle a score, _again_?" She turned to Sayo, growing upset with each word. "Is that why you had a change of heart? You suddenly wanted to talk to me again because Yukina challenged you to?"

The raw hurt in her voice, the proof that Imai did care for Sayo's companionship outside of the convenience to Minato and Roselia, made her pause and lose the chance to deny the accusation. How odd that Minato should come to her rescue in her dry, almost bored manner.

"I doubt that. As always, Sayo only needed a little push to do the thing she wanted but was too proud to admit. But does it matter? She's apologized, you've patched things up, now you're hanging out together again."

Imai stared at her incredulously. "Call me crazy, but it sounds like you actually care about my — I mean, our personal business."

"I concur," Sayo said, "It's most bizarre. There's barely any philosophical nonsense to obfuscate her intent."

Minato crossed her arms, puffing up like a threatened _fugu_ fish. "And now you're double-teaming me. Cut it out. Didn't I say I wanted to hear the music you'd put together?"

"Do you think you're entitled to everything Imai-san makes? I never said I'd let you listen," Sayo said not kindly.

"Sayo, that's not your call," warned Imai. And for the deflated Minato, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I mean, we don't actually have anything you can listen to right now, so, maybe someday?"

Imai reached a hand out gingerly, but Minato shied away from the touch. "No, Sayo was right. It's enough for me to know your bonds with everyone else aren't broken beyond repair. You don't hate music itself — that's all I wanted to know." She sounded defeated, so unlike the Minato Yukina, fearless leader of Roselia that Sayo wondered if she should've witnessed this. Then she realized they were not Roselia anymore.

"Why did you say that? Look at me." Minato was stubborn, but so was Imai. Eventually Minato gave in, jutting her chin out defiantly, and was rewarded with a small smile. "Really, if you need more proof that you and Sayo are soulmates… I didn't show you the things I wrote for other bands because, they're for… other bands! Not Roselia, they're very much different from Roselia. I didn't want to expose my frail ego to your honest opinions. That's it. But I guess I wasn't thinking of how it'd look like from your side."

Sayo, whose reaction had more than justified Imai's insecurity, bit the inside of her cheeks hard. Minato shot her a curious glance, before turning back to Imai. "I don't know about Sayo, but I've always known you're self-conscious of the weirdest parts of yourself at the worst possible moments," said Minato haughtily, therefore ensuring even Sayo would note it was a facade.

"Ahaha, you know me. But Yukina, I'm not angry at you, not anymore. And I could never hate you. And now… now I just feel guilty for dumping all my issues on everyone, but mostly for getting pissy at you for no reason."

Before, Sayo would have forced Imai to come clean, so Minato could see the edge Sayo had on her. Knowing the truth, Sayo did… nothing but thinking Imai deserved to move on. Maybe moving on was what they needed to do for themselves.

She wondered if Minato knew it wasn't the whole story. Her eyes had narrowed, calculating. "But you don't regret quitting. No, let me rephrase that. If you could rewind time, would you change anything?"

"What was it you usually said. 'Don't be silly, Lisa, no one can go back in time'," Imai said, pitch perfect down to Minato's signature chin tilt.

Without missing a beat, voice more shrill and smile more forlorn than the original, "'Aw, come on, Yukina. I wanna know how you think, even for silly things like these.'"

Imai hesitated. Lips quivering, nevertheless she never looked away. "I can't turn back time. I can't throw away my precious memories. I don't regret joining Roselia, Yukina… I can't regret quitting when it allows me to keep those memories and bonds as they are. And don't take this the wrong way, but I've had other opportunities since I quit, so it's not a complete loss to me. So no, I wouldn't change anything."

Minato held her gaze. She gave a single, decisive nod. "That is as it should be. That's all I wanted to know. I wish…" Sayo saw her make a fist under the table. "I wish I'd tried to listen."

"It's not too late to start," Imai said after a pause, slowly taking her eyes off Minato. "If you really mean it. Doesn't have to be me, with anyone, anytime." Abruptly, she rose to her feet. "I'm going to get something to eat. Sayo, do you want anything?"

Sayo demurred, though she had a feeling Imai would split her cake anyway. And thus she was left sitting in front of a slightly despondent Minato. The music had stopped playing. A change of CD, Sayo found herself hypothesizing, as boisterous brass started playing instead. Ska, or post-modern orchestra. She remembered her coffee and took a sip and had to hold herself from frowning. Lukewarm already.

Finally, she couldn't help it anymore. Thinking Minato might appreciate a comparison, she said, "Imai-san still hasn't forgiven me for something I did."

Minato stared. "_This_ is not forgiving you?" she asked, though she might as well have questioned Sayo's intelligence.

Sayo shrugged. Humans were complicated, and some people flipped between states more quickly than others. But she was certain Minato already appreciated the bafflement better than Sayo, so she said, "Consider that Imai-san might be thinking you resented her still."

"I'm not sure why I'm still listening to you after the last time." Even so, Minato lapsed into a brooding silence all the same, which Sayo found preferable to tackling the elephant in the room.

Imai came back with a tray. "Everything okay with you guys?"

"Peachy keen," Sayo said, looking at the opera cake set before her. "I didn't order anything."

"Well, too bad I only want to eat half of it, now the rest will have to go to waste." Sayo rolled her eyes, and accepted the split, declaring they were now even. "What's wrong, Yukina, do you want some?"

Minato shook herself out of her brooding, and refused the offer. "Lisa, I didn't ask for the tea, either."

"You could pay me back at the cat cafe — dog cafe? Anyway, later. Actually, make it dog cafe, Sayo is coming with us."

"Don't mind me," Sayo said automatically. The last thing she wanted was to be included out of pity.

Minato shot her a look. "Oh no, you're not skipping out on your bet. Pony up, Sayo."

"Just how many bets do you guys have going on?"

Minato's shoulders were relaxed for perhaps the first time since she'd walked in. It wasn't just her, either. Already loosened from the improvisation session, Sayo found herself entering the flow. She cleared her throat, drawing the others' attention. "Perhaps we can't go back in time, but what about going forward? Imai-san, should you find yourself in need of a band who would perform your composition perfectly, you know whom to call."

"…Pastel*Pallettes? I'm just kidding, Sayo, geez, stop looking like you'll bite me. Uh, thanks, I'll keep it in mind."

That was the easy part. And onto the level 100 final boss. Minato had gone tense again, eyes narrowed. Sayo said, "Roselia will attempt for the Future World FES this year. It was the goal for which Roselia was founded, and we would be remiss if we did not fulfill it before we disband. We — Udagawa-san, Shirokane-san, and yours truly — we would rather fail than forever regret that we have never taken the shot that could have been ours. To give a proper burial to Roselia if it is inevitable, or to send Roselia into a new era, one way or another we will be freed from the fetters binding us down."

Binding down together seemed to be what Minato was thinking of. Her expression grew increasingly blank. "And how is this relevant to me?"

"You were our lodestar," Sayo said bluntly. It was that simple: personal relationships had no business to be in Roselia. "You brought us together and gave us a direction. And now I invite you to perhaps postpone your hiatus. We do not need you, Minato-san — but we want to reach the pinnacle with you."

Even Imai seemed to be holding her breath waiting for Minato's answer. She would be holding it for a long time, in that case. The door to the cafe flew open wildly. This new guest was familiar, and more importantly, screaming Minato's name. "There you are, Minato Yukina!"

Minato snapped up, appraising the newcomer coldly. "It's not yet the time we've agreed on."

Cat-Ears, Sayo remembered now, a self-proclaimed music producer, whatever that meant for a middle-schooler. "Do I look like I care about that?" she said, pointing a finger. "Everyone's assembled and waiting for you, and here you are fraternizing with your old underlings. Don't tell me you're breaking off the contract so brazenly!"

Imai finally found her voice. "I'm sorry, Yukina, who's this?"

Some trace of guilt appeared in Minato's eye before she chased it away. "Tamade-san and I worked out a trial deal for one show."

"Excuse me? I'm your producer! We had an agreement! Now come on, we're wasting time with these losers!"

Minato shook her head and turned to Sayo. "They can wait a little longer. Sayo, did you mean everything you said? That was you, Hikawa Sayo, and not the guitarist of Roselia speaking?"

"What are you suggesting?" She saw no difference, and Minato's wry look, as though she should have understood, rankled.

"Don't play coy with me, Sayo. It might have started with the two of us, but Roselia had since come to a standstill. You and I, individually we have come to a standstill. Is that not why you have decided to study abroad, to separate yourself from Roselia and from me? Although I didn't see it at first, I understand your intent now. Therefore I shall answer to it at the Future World FES. Show me what you have wrought as Hikawa Sayo of Roselia, and I will show you the sound only Minato Yukina can make."

There was fire in there, not of anger, but indomitable will. There was no longer issues of trust, no hurt feelings, nothing else to adulterate the expression of the soul itself — music. In that moment Sayo understood that it was Minato Yukina as she strived to become. Not for money nor fame, nor revenge for her father, but a zeal for the transcendent as could be found in music. It was a purity Sayo could never hope to match. And yet it would be an insult to reject her.

A different sort of fire burning within her, more tainted, more human, Sayo nodded. "May the best band win."

Sayo barely noticed Minato exiting then, bickering with her young producer. Her mind was swirling with plans. She would have to tell Udagawa and Shirokane first, and hope they would not bail out on her in disgust. She nearly forgot about Imai until the latter waved a hand before her face.

"You're still here," Sayo said.

"You're still — of course I'm still here. Look, does this look legit?"

Sayo squinted at the ticket Imai produced. Raise A Suilen, featuring Minato Yukina, dated two weeks from now at CiRCLE. When did Minato slip Imai a ticket? Though when Sayo looked up Imai cradled her head in her hands. "I don't know if I should be worried or proud that Yukina found a new band so soon, and with that kid," she whined.

Sayo tried to imagine Hina taking advantage — being taken advantage? — of an ambitious, but gullible and affluent middle-schooler. Substituting jealousy for pride, she supposed she could sympathize. But still jealous. A sliver of bitterness crept into her reply. "You should be able to find out the answer yourself now that you're on speaking terms once more."

Imai lifted her head, frowning at Sayo, gaze uncomfortably discerning. "Something I've been wondering about, when did you start challenging Yukina?"

"Should I not? I wanted her to do better, so that Roselia as a whole could do better."

"That's not just it, though. At some point it's like you're seeing her as a rival, more like someone to surpass, even leave behind. Sometimes I get the sense that you put her in the same category as Hina."

It was a close guess, and Imai had seen far worse out of her, yet Sayo hesitated. Gently, Imai said, "I know it's not my business. I just thought you might want to know why Yukina's been behaving like this. Well, it's what I think she's responding to, anyway, ever since that night on her balcony. Yukina might seem like it, but she doesn't actually go around provoking people for no reason."

"Before that," Sayo said haltingly. "It must have started some time ago without my noticing it, when I realized it wasn't just hard work for her. Of course she works hard to arrive at where she is, and she has ambition, too, it's what drew me to her initially. I only desired to outstrip Hina, but Minato-san looked farther. She made me believe the pinnacle is within sight — and that if anyone could reach it, it would be her, with Roselia behind her.

"You asked me what changed, but I'm not sure I can point at a single moment. Rather, as we grew closer as bandmates, as I knew more of her as a person, it became apparent to me that some of her brilliance is due to her talents as well. Her gifts might not necessarily be extraordinary, but they are nevertheless available to her and not to me. I began to envy her, as I had envied Hina, as I envy Hina still. I envied her aptitude and instinct. Your affection and devotion, regardless of what she has done to you. Absurd as it is to envy such things."

As Sayo had predicted, it was this last part that Imai pounced on, voice dangerously low with anger and something darker. "You don't know that. You don't know the extent of our history. And even if you do, did you listen to yourself? It's like if I got jealous of Hina knowing everything about you. Hina adores you, Sayo."

She could have more openly accused Sayo of being greedy. Which would be true, but once the floodgate was opened Sayo couldn't stop talking. "It's not the same. Hina, whom I did not choose to share my birth and entire life until now, not as you and Minato-san have chosen to share your childhood with each other."

Indignation had left Imai's gaze, leaving it all the more uncomfortable for how much she was seeing through Sayo. She must have been thinking, not this again, or, how predictable that everything for Sayo began and ended with her Hina complex. How tiresome that it had encroached on her interpersonal relationships like kudzu and strangled them. Maybe she had finally realized the extent that Sayo took advantage of her kindness, and gotten sick of her.

"But you did choose," Imai said at last. "Maybe not the family you were born into, nobody could choose that. You can't help Hina loving you, either, Hina is as Hina does. But even then, that's also partly on you. Hina told me, when you were kids you were always kind and caring to her."

"Because I'm the older sister," Sayo protested, though she didn't know to what, exactly.

Apologetically, Imai said, "You are, maybe except the time you tried to get away from it. So you see, you made that choice, too. And then you made another one to turn around and face Hina, and who knows how many other times you decided not to give into your jealousy. And it's not just Hina, you're making the effort to be kinder to everyone. Who does that? Tell me if that all doesn't mean something to you. Of course, if now you want to stop improving your relationship with Hina, or with others, well, there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nagging doesn't count, I take it," Sayo said, trying and failing to squash a feeble smile or the warmth that had nothing to do with the indoor heater. Talking with Imai always made everything seemed easier, even too easy.

"Ahaha, can you blame me if I prefer you as you are now, the Sayo who isn't afraid to change herself? Even going as far as America to find your own sound."

"Even if it turns out that, as Minato-san said, I'm only studying abroad to run away from Hina and everything?" Sayo said in a vanishing voice as her secret fear was bared at last. Despite her insistence to the contrary that this time was different, despite her efforts to change herself, she was still and would forever be the same misshapen lump of jealousy and greed pretending to be a decent human being.

Imai took her hands and delicately held them as though they were made of tiny, sharp blades. "Even then, I'd hope you'd find what you're looking for out there, happiness or peace, or something just as good. I do try not to be a hypocrite — but mostly I don't want to see you restrain yourself for the sake of staying with Roselia. You're just like Yukina, neither of you would be satisfied unless you got to jump off a cliff and take flight."

Hearing Minato's name didn't irk her, this once. Sayo thought Imai carried enough worry for two people. "You need not worry about my feud with Minato-san, either." Imai opened her mouth to protest, but Sayo squeezed her hands. "I know that look. You're worried Minato-san might have reverted to her old ways and found isolation the only path towards realizing her dreams. I cannot say with certainty, but I don't think this is true. We are perhaps desperate to overcome our standstill. Minato-san trusts me to find my own way. The feud is merely her way of motivating me and Roselia. Therefore I must also trust she will find her own way without sacrificing what she has learned from you and Roselia."

Imai seemed a little perplexed, staring at their intertwined fingers. Then she snorted. "See, what did I tell you? Really, you're too kind, comforting me while you're still worried about something else. Ah, I know, let's make a deal, since you seem to like those. I'll take your word about Yukina, and you'll take mine about yourself."

"Which is…?"

Sayo never got to find out. Imai's phone rang a tone which sounded suspiciously like a Roselia song played on the bass. From the sound of it there was an emergency at her part-time workplace. With guilt Sayo noted that she had never found out if she'd still worked at the convenience store. At any rate she had to leave immediately. Sayo too had spent too long at what should have been a short break.

It was time to go back to work. Sayo drained the last of her cold coffee and made a phone call. "Hello, Hanazono-san? Yes, this is Sayo-senpai, no, this isn't about your rabbits, but if you have the time to talk right now…"

* * *

_Chapter title is slightly improvised from Kakumei Dualism's lyrics._  
_Roselia's discography isn't actually all in E minor, though it's by far the most common. Can you guess which ones they played?_  
_This is the chapter that has me the most nervous about writing the sequel as a whole, i.e. if it would ruin the main story, pretentious as that is. Though it's also the quickest one I've ever written, so there's that._


	8. We are maverick

**VIII. We are maverick**

Sometimes while waiting for Imai to finish her many, many affairs and proceed to CiRCLE together for rehearsal, Sayo would look up at the austere edifice of Haneoka and thought, I could have gone here. Instead of Hina it could have been Sayo haunting these halls. She would not have been its student council president, but even with Haneoka's lax student codes — or perhaps especially because of — she would have been known as the council's mad dog, nemesis of one Imai Lisa. She would have met Minato sooner, together they'd have founded Roselia in their first year. They might have reached the Future World FES sooner than later with all their members intact. Hina would have gone to Hanajo in her stead. Would Sayo have tried to reconcile with her sooner — would she have gotten away with not at all? On the last part her wishes had changed over time.

Sayo wondered what Scherehazade was thinking. Scherehazade — here played by Shirasagi Chisato, though right now it was hard to see her as the classmate with a justifiable vendetta against Sayo — spun her future tale by tale, surviving on the edge of the murderous king's curiosity, night by night until one thousand and one nights had passed and both had quite forgotten how they had come to be together and simply be together. Or so one version of the story went. Understandably no one would watch a play that went on for one thousand and one scenes. Five seemed complicated enough, yet Haneoka's theatre club was enthusiastic, and its resident prince nothing if not inspiring.

(That's it, Sayo thought, if she had enrolled in Haneoka she'd have at least auditioned its theatre club.)

Up on the stage the Princess Scherehazade, having been wedded against her will and facing a certain divorce by the first night (when asked about this softening, Imai shrugged and said something about making the ending palatable to maiden hearts), was now imploring her new husband, Seta Kaoru in a resplendent costume. The curtain fell, and when it rose there was Seta dressed as a beggar in a backalley. Come what story, what setting, and characters involved, Seta always stood at the center. The treacherous king was also a clever beggar, a greedy sailor, a valiant but doomed knight, and finally — in a scene that transitioned seamlessly back to the framing story with Princess Scherezade — a devout husband in the king's glittering crown and a commoner's garb. The play ended with the king — or possibly the poor husband — declaring to never cast aside his wife.

As the cast gathered for one last bow and the audience erupted into applause, Sayo wondered what the Princess Scherehazade would have chosen without the threat of divorce or death hanging over her head. She felt a pang of wistful empathy for an imaginary person portrayed by Shirasagi Chisato. By chance her gaze met Minato's while rising from the bow. Minato looked down on her from the upper seating area, and Sayo abandoned all thoughts. It was foolish to wonder about what-ifs. Sayo had chosen her route in life, the Princess Scherehazade was forced into hers, but they both made the best of it in order that she would never again look back and wonder if there was ever another choice.

* * *

Between cleaning up and fending off over-awed members of the audience and new fans and Seta's overbearing invitation to an after-party, Sayo almost missed Imai leaving the school. She caught up to her at the entrance gate. On noticing Sayo hurrying over, Imai clapped her shoulder so much it hurt. It seemed they were both still strung high from the performance.

"I saw Minato-san in the audience," Sayo said. What it was supposed to explain she couldn't grasp just yet.

As she was about to apologize for the nonsense, Imai said, "I guess she must have found out you were in the gig somehow. Anyway, aren't you going with Kaoru and the others?"

"I saw you left." And, come to think about it, Sayo hadn't seen Shirasagi since the curtain call either.

As she hesitated whether it was relevant at all, Imai said, "Ahaha, it's actually kind of silly. See, tomorrow's Valentine's Day but between exams and the play I haven't got to making any chocolates. And it's my last year at Haneoka so I kind of have to make them."

"I'll help," Sayo said immediately. It was the very topic she'd wanted to broach after all, and she had an explanation ready in case Imai was feeling dubious, which she seemed to be. "It's not completely altruistic on my part. I can't make chocolates at home because Hina's commandeering our kitchen with Wakamiya-san and Hazawa-san."

"Oho, that sounds like a fun combo… if your kitchen can take it… But who's the lucky person?"

"Roselia will perform this weekend, and as sweets seem to improve practice efficiency…" It occurred to her that she might've been asking about Hina's intended. "Ah…"

Or maybe not. Imai clapped her hands, beaming. "Not a moment's rest for you, Sayo. Does that mean you've found a vocalist? What's she like — ah, haha, I just went and assumed Roselia is still an all-girl band."

"That it could be otherwise… has never crossed my mind. But yes, Wakana-san is only a year younger than us, but she is very much skilled in both singing and playing the bass." Imai seemed completely unfazed by the idea of Sayo replacing Minato and herself. Heartened, she said, "Should you have the time, Imai-san, I'm sure Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san would appreciate your support."

Imai's smile turned apologetic. "I'd love to, but I've got shift this weekend and it'd be annoying to everyone if I tried to change at the last minute. Tell them I'm sorry."

Ah, yes, the irreplaceable shift which always coincided with Roselia's regularly scheduled shows. But Imai had no excuse for the chocolates, and so Sayo once again darkened the Imai household. It felt as natural as a habit — once upon a time it had become something of a habit. Observing and following Imai's direction, chattering about trivial and not-so-trivial everyday things. Hina, Seta and Shirasagi's play, Seta and Shirasagi themselves, the latest articles in the music magazines Sayo was subscribed to.

All of that, and somehow Sayo still didn't know if Imai got into her first choice — or which subject. At least when Imai had never so much as alluded to America it was because she hadn't forgiven Sayo yet. And Sayo, who would only come around if it was related to Roselia, what was her excuse?

"Sayo? What's wrong?"

She'd paused in the middle of drying the mixer, staring at the refrigerator where batches and batches of chocolates sat cooling down. "It's nothing. Are we done here?"

"Yeah, sure, I can take care of the rest. Go on up without me."

Sayo fled the kitchen before Imai finished speaking. Imai's room, containing her guitar and bag, was where it had always been. Very little of it had changed but for the scent that hit her nostrils on entering, more floral than sweet. Sayo's memories were indelibly stained with sweets, but this new scent was familiar, as recent as this afternoon at Haneoka. One of Hina's aroma oils, she thought, one of those with an incongruent names. What was it. White heron? Or maybe she'd listened to Hina chatter about Shirasagi one too many time. Then Sayo caught sight of the corkboard and abandoned her mental search.

Gone were the university pamphletes. In their place were photographs: the old Roselia including Imai herself, other people Sayo didn't know, a candid shot of Minato flustered and Shirasagi falsely cherubic, a dark shot of what seemed to be Roselia on stage. Judging by the outfits, it had to be one of their last performances before Minato had taken a hiatus. Sayo's eyes lingered on the last. Below it was pinned a silver bracelet bearing the Raise A Suilen logo. Imai returned while Sayo was inspecting the bracelet, searching for… something. A proof of Minato's hand in designing such a gaudy but useless memorabilia.

"They were handing that thing to everyone in the audience," Imai said from behind her shoulder, poking Sayo in the ribs. "You'd have one too, you know, if you'd come with me."

"As I have explained, there is no need for me to know of Minato-san's new sound. Minato-san and I are simply using this competition as a stepping stone toward the pinnacle. My path neither begins nor ends with defeating her."

Imai's cheeks ballooned and deflated wordlessly. Overall they were getting better at not taking disagreements personally even when the issues were personal in nature. Give or take a few literal ribbing. "Well, that's what Yukina said, more or less. Oh, I guess you didn't want to know about that too."

"And what did Shirasagi-san think about it?" Sayo smirked as Imai dropped her attack in surprise. "Hina tried to invite her to an outing happening at the same time, though Shirasagi-san wouldn't say why she was unavailable. I made a guess, your face just now confirms it."

"Someday you and I are gonna have that talk about not giving a people heart attack. Anyway, why are you asking me Chisato's opinion?"

Holding up a hand to block another attack, Sayo said, "You'd enjoy _enka_ if it was Minato-san singing it." Sayo didn't remember what had her poking for all the ways Imai Lisa was a traditional Japanese grandma until she found the one where she wasn't.

"Yeah, yeah, Yukina's biggest fan, that's me…" Imai trailed off, mouth pinched. Sayo hesitated, then deciding a retaliation was to be expected, gingerly prodded her shoulder. "Oh, right. We got to see them backstage for the afterparty, and also a bit of their rehearsal session. Chisato said it looks funny but nothing, uh, nefarious was her word. Chuchu doesn't even register as a blip on the scale of too rich kids of too rich and too absent parents. Nothing to worry about."

"I could have told you. I did tell you that," said Sayo archly.

"Like, normally I do trust you, but if Yukina told you to jump you'd ask how high before launching her and yourself into space. And the other way around, actually, Yukina could only pick the moon because you wouldn't accept anything lower." From zero to bitter in no time, she might have as well blamed Sayo for corrupting precious, innocent Yukina.

Sayo fought hard to keep her temper in check. She only half succeeded. "And maybe if you hadn't been overbearing Minato-san wouldn't have been so eager to be estranged from you."

Bullseye. Imai slumped face down on the table so that all Sayo could see was her mane. She could barely make out her grumbling. "I knooow. She must've regretted inviting me, no, she's definitely regretting talking to me again."

"I wouldn't go that far. You're only occasionally annoying."

Though she might as well have been talking to the dog plush by her foot. Still burying her head, Imai continued whining quite not unlike a child refusing to take a nap. "I can't not worry. I mean, I know I've pretty much disqualified myself from being there for her, but I still want to. Even though Yukina doesn't need me… to be honest, she's never needed me. And soon _you're_ going to America. Even Chisato… everyone's changing and growing up and I'm the only one who isn't."

Hina's words came back to her. Jealousy wasn't the only thing Imai was made of — greater was the compassion that overflowed into an excess of worry and misplaced guilt. But the lion's share belonged to the low self-esteem, she thought. This hypocrite who'd rather Sayo laugh at her than sympathize. Still, it was more uncharacteristic behavior than Sayo had normally been allowed to see without digging, and Sayo wasn't that much of a boor to ignore her guilt that she might have hit a sore spot. She certainly didn't mean to make her cry.

Sayo sat by her side, and after some deliberation placed a hand on her bare shoulder. It felt cold to the touch. "I think you have changed, although you're free to disbelieve me. It doesn't happen overnight, and you yourself won't notice it happening. Especially if it's merely an aspect of yourself formerly unseen, slowly being brought to the fore with each choice until it's all everyone can see."

"You've thought a lot about this. A new aspect, huh?" repeated Imai as though testing the words. A hint of grey peeked through the curtain of artifical brown. Without thinking Sayo tucked the handful obscuring Imai's eye behind her ear. Relieved to find no sign of tears, Sayo continued.

"If you'd like to see it that way. In some other ways it is a mask, and I am performing. I am pretending to be what I am not yet, in the hopes that someday it will be becoming of me." Now it was her turn to speak incoherently. Clearing her throat, she mumbled, "I think of what you would do. Occasionally. When it seems appropriate to be kind."

As embarrassed as she felt, it was also vexing that Imai seemed to have stopped listening. Her gaze had turned inward, and her frown deepened. It must have been too bold coming from someone she hadn't forgiven. Sayo thought to apologize, but abruptly Imai raised her head, grinning. Back to her usual self, or pretending to be, at least.

"Geez, you really know how to flatter a girl. Ever thought of trying to write lyrics?"

"It wasn't flattery," Sayo said, more sulky than she'd have liked.

Imai laughed. "I'm just teasing. I know you're a natural sweetheart. Thank you, Sayo. Now c'mere."

She held her arms wide — palms, really, if Sayo was thinking straight. Riding on a wave of exasperation, Sayo crashed forehead against forehead, then sprang to escape like a criminal, striking the table with her right knee, and limped to the farthest corner from Imai, desperately willing the dizziness to go away. The only thing stopping her from jumping off the verandah was Minato's presence in the room across.

She heard the rustle of Imai sitting up. "Okay… no high five for Sayo, just hugs… Are you okay? It sounded like you hit something."

Her knee and forehead were still throbbing red hot pain. "It's nothing," Sayo mumbled. She fumbled with shaky hands, mustering the courage to come back to the table with her books. Not enough to look at Imai in the eye, however, or apologize and thereby clarifying her intent. "Um, Imai-san, are you… all right?"

"Oh, sure, I'm fine. I'm pretty used to Hina," said Imai briskly while nursing her forehead. In other words she wasn't. "Wasn't expecting you to also — "

"I'm not! Like Hina. I… slipped. Lost my balance. Sorry."

Imai mostly succeeded in biting back her giggle. "Do you want to re—"

"Nothing, I want nothing, we've lost enough time as it is."

They were supposed to be studying. That had been the deal. Mercifully, Imai dropped the subject and followed her lead. Sayo assumed Imai was studying — her notebook was completely obscured from Sayo's view, and she kept making faces while working. By the time Sayo had to leave the awkwardness had faded enough that Sayo could, feigning nonchalance, dip into her bag and pulled out a pouch. Made together with Hina last night, Sayo hoped the cookies were still fresh beyond reproach. In any case, Imai only stared.

"For you," Sayo explained unnecessarily as embarrassment started creeping again. They were standing on the open street. At any moment someone, Minato, her other nosy neighbors, could look outside their windows and wondered. "It's early, but I might not see you tomorrow, and I can't trust Hina not to mislay it."

Imai took the pouch in a slow, mechanical motion. Unbidden, Sayo thought of Minato's lyrics (for it was obvious whom had inspired Roselia's brightest song yet). A drop of sunlight, a creature of the day. Looking at her right now Sayo could only think of the narrow shadows barely eking out an existence at noon. It might be a trick of the fast fading winter daylight, but if it was Sayo's doing, what was another blunder? she thought glumly.

A blink, and Imai had painted on her customary cheer. "Well, uh, yours is in the bag. You'll find one extra, it's hard to miss… Hey, your contest with Yukina is next month, isn't it?"

Sayo nodded, rattling off a date. As it happened, Imai would be travelling around that time. Thinking of shadows, Sayo added, "You need not to worry about Minato-san. We do not seek to crush each other utterly. What matters is that we both reach greater heights."

"I'm not worried—well, not about that. Just, can you promise me something?" Thinking that it would still have to do with Minato, Sayo nodded. "Promise you'd tell me the results right away. Yukina wouldn't tell me and she'd pretend Google and social media aren't a thing. But I want to hear it from you, Sayo. All right?"

Imai seemed serious. Sayo couldn't but respond with earnest. "Of course." As if she needed another reason to not lose.

* * *

The spotlights were blinding. The audience's gaze was palpable. Expectations, doubts, or plain curiosity, tonight Roselia would answer them all. Tonight, exactly one month after Roselia had announced their hiatus, they made their monthly show at CiRCLE as though nothing had changed. With one exception, of course. Sayo looked at her bandmates — hers now, no doubt about it with the way they waited on her for signal. So Sayo took the microphone from Wakana and introduced her, Roselia's new vocalist and bassist. And with that out of the way, she signalled Udagawa to begin the count.

Wakana's voice was powerful. So Sayo had thought while listening to her and Hanazono busking, and stronger throughout rehearsals with Udagawa and Shirokane in the small studio. All impressions were blown off the water on the stage. From the first line she captivated the audience, effortlessly pulling along the other instruments with her voice as though she'd always belonged at the reins. Quite like Minato in that way. And yet for better or worse she wasn't Minato. All too soon the moment was over. The audience erupted into applause and cheer, less than there had been for Minato with fewer numbers attending to begin with. Sayo never was one to put too much stock in what other people made of her music, but she allowed herself to feel comfort, even satisfaction basking in the ovation. It wasn't perfect, but for the moment Roselia was back in the game.

* * *

"Huh? Yukina-san's going to turn up at the Over The Future festival too?" Udagawa parroted while munching on her chocolates. Sayo chided her, and Udagawa groaned in apology, and Wakana and Shirokane laughed at their expense.

It was Wakana who answered her question. "Yukina-san must be very good. I can tell what big shoes I'm trying to fill."

"You were amazing too, Rei-yan! You were all boom! bang!" Udagawa nearly kicked herself out of her seat as she posed. Not for the first time Sayo wondered if it was all right to feed an already hyperenergetic girl more sugar.

Shirokane said, "Hikawa-san, when you said Yukina-san is going to… participate…"

"Minato-san will also compete against us."

"As in Roselia… or just you?"

Rinko didn't flinch away from Sayo's steady gaze. The student council presidentship truly had done well by her. "I am Roselia's guitarist. That's all that matters. Now, I'm telling you this so that you know what will face us. Of course, our goal is not to defeat Minato-san and her new band, but if it is what it takes to reach the Future World FES, then so we must."

For a while everyone was silent, nibbling on chocolates and collecting their thoughts. Cookies for yesterday's rehearsal on Valentine's Day, and chocolates for today's post-live review meeting. The cookies were Sayo's own; the chocolates had Imai's seal of approval. It seemed appropriate to give the better stuff as a reward for a job well done. As promised Sayo found the pouch meant for her mixed with the others. She felt reluctant to eat the dog-shaped pieces, but live performance always seemed to whet her appetite anyway. Sayo took one and bit down on the satisfying blend of sweetness and bitterness.

Finally Wakana broke the silence. "Even though you said victory over Yukina-san is not our aim, I personally am looking forward to go head to head with her."

Inviting Wakana to join Roselia had been a simple affair despite their lack of financial incentive. More than money, Wakana desired a chance to showcase her voice, temping as a bassist only for the sake of looking for a door to put her foot in. It was the kind of ambition that would be at home in Roselia, and so Sayo had given her a chance. So far she had been rewarded for it. As she said so, Wakana demurred, "It's only because you are inspirational, Sayo-senpai… Ah, Hana-chan."

She excused herself to take Hanazono's call. Sayo mulled it over. Minato was inspirational, surely, but not Sayo, loyal hound and henchwoman to…

"Of course Sayo-san is inspirational!" Udagawa, piping out of the blue. "You kept going even when everyone's abandoned us. Because of that… we'll show Yukina-san. That's it, that's my motivation for the contest, I'm gonna show Yukina-san we can do it. We're not nothing without her — we're still just as good!"

"Just as good, Udagawa-san? Then you've already lost." Udagawa made a strangled noise. Shirokane patted her shoulder. "Minato-san does not allow herself to be satisfied with merely being just as good."

"But…"

"I understand. I too am grateful to Minato-san for many things, as I also cherish the Roselia that was. Without it I wouldn't be here. But at some point it all must end. You might blame me for bringing that end sooner than later. All the same if you wish for Roselia to continue we must go farther beyond our current selves. That we are no longer dependent on Minato-san — that necessarily we are better than we once were when Minato-san was with us."

Sayo left them silently digesting words and chocolates both. She fished another out of her pouch. A guitar. She wondered when Imai had made them, or slipped Sayo's portion into Roselia's bundle. No bets on what shape Minato would have received, or how many folds more. Minato wouldn't have informed her of the results of the contest, her pride wouldn't have allowed it in the event that she lost. In this manner they were similar, Sayo and Minato. And yet Imai had made Sayo promise to tell her.

Sayo wasn't so desperate as to need Imai's confidence in her. But it felt… nice. Sweet, and maybe just a little bitter. Before the meeting was over she had run out of chocolates.

* * *

_Chapter title is taken from This Game. I drafted the outline long before S3 began airing, but I'm definitely not above cribbing names. Can't do anything about the timeline that both the game and the anime has denied, alas._


	9. Passions run riot

**IX. Passions run riot**

Very early in the morning, much earlier than a Saturday morning should be, Hina was turning their home upside down.

Sayo dragged herself out of bed and into the hallway to find her neck deep in the supply closet. "What are you doing?" asked Sayo while surpressing a yawn.

"PasuPare's having a concert tonight!"

"…And that requires rifling through our old stuff because…?"

"We're also shooting for a variety show in the afternoon and I have to bring something from childhood… Aha!" Hina's triumphant find was an old drawing. Sayo's face colored immediately as she realized it was of herself.

"Absolutely not!"

With some effort, mostly of enduring Hina's whining, they finally found one picture that had nothing to do with Sayo. It was not, she thought irritatedly, how she'd planned to use the morning before an important performance.

Hina said, "Hey, hey, so Over The Future's this evening, right? Your big showdown with Yukina-chan?"

"How did you — well, yes. And don't even think about skipping your concert."

"Wasn't gonna! But I really do want to come and cheer for you guys."

You guys, meaning Roselia, or just Sayo and Minato? No matter, Sayo decided. Perhaps it was the early hours, or Hina's disappointed pout, or the other promise she'd made earlier, either of these made Sayo bolder.

"Where and what time is it? Though I can make no promises," she added quickly as stars grew in Hina's eyes.

Promises could become a source of strength in their own right. On the morning of the showdown Sayo felt keenly that she needed all the strength she could get.

* * *

Udagawa was a ball of nervous energy that seemed to coil more tightly into herself the closer they get to showtime. Not that Shirokane was doing much better, though from the outside she seemed utterly calm. One completely detached from the world and another overstimulated by every little thing, Sayo was grateful their final member seemed more professional.

"I suppose you have done this often," said Sayo.

Wakana shook her head. "Not as a singer, Sayo-san, and not with this much honor resting on my shoulders."

"Ah, that!" Udagawa said bright-eyed. "That's such a cool thing to say! With the wings of honor of the abyss, in ten minutes… uh, Rinrin, help!"

She roped also a bemused Wakana into the discussion. Sayo let them have their moment — to relieve tension, and nothing more. She scanned the bands gathered in the waiting room. There were girl bands, boy bands, bands with an eclectic mix of gender and age. Tension was in the air, and each bands seemed to have their own ways to prepare.

There, a flash of inescapable presence she had come to anticipate. Seemingly at the same time Minato took notice of them, and approached. With her were a supremely belligerent Cat-Ears and a few other members, one of whom Udagawa greeted with surprise.

"You're here," Minato said.

Sayo cocked her head. "Of course. And I see you've kept the same members with you." In person they all looked much less imposing compared to Imai's photograph of them on stage, even the tall yankee of a drummer. She supposed it was true of all musicians.

Minato's eyes narrowed as she divined whether that was an insult or not. Cat-Ears took it as one anyway. "Hey, that's rich for the band Minato Yukina abandoned. Just you watch, we'll trounce you all to smithereens — hey, where are you going!"

Minato had started to walk away. Glancing at Sayo, she said, "You may continue to exhaust yourself trading childish insults. It means nothing if your music can't back it up. Sayo, I'll see you on stage."

Udagawa watched them go, craning her neck until Minato had disappeared behind human walls. "Uuugh, Yukina-san didn't look at us at all… and Rokka-chan's really good too…" No longer nervous, Udagawa had fallen straight into a dispirited state that not even Shirokane could pull her out of.

Sayo surpressed a sigh. She understood Udagawa's apprehension. Minato's brilliance tended to make everyone else look counterfeit. But that was an unproductive thought. Calling out to Udagawa in particular, she said, "You heard Minato-san: right now the stage is all that matters."

"I know that," said Udagawa peevishly, "but I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen to Roselia after this."

Sayo looked at them. Udagawa and Shirokane, the true heart of Roselia, who had given her a second chance. Wakana's beginning as a vocalist. Sayo was not one to be sentimental, but even she realized the trust they'd placed in her.

Gripping her guitar, Sayo said, "You liked Roselia very much. I won't tell you to discard that feeling, but rather let it permeate your performance. On the stage we will show the might of Roselia such that in ten minutes nothing else but our music exist before our audience. Udagawa-san, Shirokane-san, and Wakana-san, will you stand with me and make this vision a reality?"

Minato would have been more concise and yet so much more authoritative; it would not be grim determination filling Sayo.

…Minato would also not have spared a single thought for Sayo at the moment. Following her own advice, Sayo focused her mind on the coming stage. One by one competitors were called forward. Roselia's turn came before Minato's, a small mercy that they could perform without being influenced. Eyes forward and back straight, Sayo marched on point.

It was not the same stage they were used to. The space was bigger, the ceiling higher, and the audience more numerous, and more dismissive. They'd had their fill of amateur bands and would chew and spit out many more before the evening was over. But this was also a stage like any other, and Roselia had prepared for it just the same. Sayo looked at the faces of determination behind her and gave the signal.

Roselia played as they never had before. There was tension — there was always tension in any Roselia performance, even with the original five members at their best. Higher and higher it mounted at a controlled pace. This evening Udagawa was on point, driving just enough energy into their performance in conjunction with Wakana's bass. Wakana's voice soared into the darkness beyond. They all played more precisely than usual, and Sayo would like to think Shirokane's flourishes were more expressive than usual. The realization that it might very well be Roselia's last had given the performance just the undergirding they needed to outdo themselves.

_Are you seeing this, Minato-san? Can you hear it? This is what we're capable of without you._

Time flowed differently with music. It never seemed to end just as it always approached the end too soon. The last riff had not yet faded when the audience erupted into applause — not all of them, but enough that mattered to Sayo. Then they must quickly pack up their gears and make space for the next contestant.

Down the narrow backstage, nerve endings still smarting, she thought she'd heard someone whisper 'well done.' A wisp of silver flashed by the edge of her vision. When she turned her head, she saw only Cat-Ears sticking out her tongue. "Go ahead without me," Sayo told Shirokane, and doubled back. There was a corner where she could see part of the stage without obscuring anyone's passage. Sayo wedged herself between metal scaffoldings. From her vantage point she could see the guitarist clearer. Udagawa's classmate, she recalled. Sayo couldn't deny she was more than a little interested that someone so young received Minato's favor. That this was whom Minato had chosen to replace her.

The audience were restless even as Minato adjusted her microphone stand. Her fame must have proceeded her no matter the band she was attached to. With one word of introduction she apprehended the entire venue. Such was her charisma that Sayo could never hope to match. There was also a novel feeling welling up. The only other time Sayo had had the opportunity to enjoy Minato's performance purely as a spectator felt like a lifetime ago, in a life before Roselia. Then as now, it went like this: eyes like molten gold pinning Sayo down — _don't you dare look away_ — before the first note reverberated and blew whatever expectation Sayo had borne.

Her sound had changed. Not Minato's voice, which held her attention for too long before she could start noticing the instrumentation underneath. There were the moments when Minato's vocals receded and allowed the other parts of the band to shine. Push and pull, a tug of war between Minato and Cat-Ears. Or perhaps it was a dialogue, and rather than emphasizing one part over the other somehow the back and forth made for a cohesive whole.

A comparison with Roselia's sound was inevitable. It wasn't that the instrumentation was much less important, though its sole purpose was to support Minato's voice. Whichever was better or worse Sayo couldn't bring herself to judge, but what she knew for certain was that Minato could and would reinvent her sound to suit her whims. Her sound was alive and constantly evolving.

And although normally Sayo had no taste for electronic music, she hung onto every last noise that Raise A Suilen made. It ended too soon as much as it ended at just the right amount of time. And if the audience's response seemed more ferocious, then perhaps Minato had deserved it. Sayo slunk into the dark backstage even as Minato's shone even brighter under the adulation.

* * *

There were still more bands to present before the juries would convene, and still too much time left before the announcement. In order to prevent Udagawa from going stir-crazy, Sayo proposed that they visited a nearby fast food joint. There they spent the time eating and reviewing their performance, and talking about NFO. Sayo watched as Udagawa's enthusiasm ensnared the normally reserved Wakana.

Beside her, Shirokane kept looking at Sayo. "Yes, Shirokane-san?" she said in a low voice so as not to disturb the younger two.

Shirokane smiled diffidently. "Pardon me… it's nothing…"

"How curious that at this moment we all have nothing better to do," Sayo said. A far cry from Imai's expert teasing, but it seemed to put Shirokane at ease all the same.

"It's… you've seen Minato-san's performance… Ako-chan and I… have also heard it…"

Sayo glanced furtively at either of them. Ah, she understood now their restlessness. Who wouldn't be unnerved by that kind of a show? But the words that came next still surprised her. With a voice barely audible above the din, Shirokane murmured, "I think… even if we won… Yukina-san wouldn't come back to us…"

Sayo pinched the straw in her drink, stalling. Before tonight she wouldn't have agreed, but after seeing that performance she couldn't pretend the same doubt hadn't come to mind. That Minato didn't need Roselia — didn't need Sayo especially. Any skilled musician would do who could stand to work with her. That was the way professionalism worked, Sayo knew. That was the ideal Sayo and Minato had worked toward.

_Really? Then what's the point of starting from the bottom with a band of amateurs, isn't it to create together a sound that we may grow into together? And whatever happened to not treating bandmates like disposeable instruments?_

Sayo shoved aside her childish grumbling, which had taken to Hina's voice. Ascertaining that Wakana and Udagawa were still deep in their own conversation, she replied, "That is one way of thinking about tonight. However Shirokane-san, I would urge you to change your premise. Neither you nor Udagawa-san are unskilled, indeed you are far from being poor musicians. You are hardworking and open-minded, qualities that are valuable in musicians. I count myself fortunate to be able to call you both my bandmates."

Shirokane blushed a deep red. "Um, Hikawa-san…"

"Therefore do not let yourself think you are inadequate, and that it's the reason Minato-san left. Whether she could come back to us or not is not within our purview. Consider instead if you would accept her, or myself, or Imai-san. If you would work once again with people who have abandoned you when it's convenient for them."

Shirokane kneaded the hem of her cardigan. Since they didn't have the time to sew a new costume for Wakana and her height made refitting an old one impossible, for tonight Roselia went with business casual wear. Shirokane's cardigan seemed delicate enough that after a while Sayo was worried it would wrinkle. Finally she stopped and lifted her head to answer. "It's not unusual for rock bands to… break up and reunite… and break up again and reunite again… It's just how rock bands… and ensembles of any genre roll…"

Sayo allowed her lips to curl up. But Shirokane wasn't finished. Glancing quickly at Udagawa, who was in the process of retelling one of their NFO quests, she said, "I haven't told Ako-chan… but I was accepted… into a conservatory…"

The name she whispered was unfamiliar, though it certainly sounded prestigious. "It sounds impressive, Shirokane-san. Congratulations. A conservatory would mean you're choosing to focus on classical piano, yes?"

"It is what this one is known for… though there are other options…"

Sayo knew very little of the classical genre, which seemed a world of its own with an arcane set of rules. But having attended one of Shirokane's recital, she had some ideas. Particularly, that concert pianist hopefuls were all young and talented, and certainly dilligent, people for whom the piano was not merely a hobby. Nevertheless, Shirokane had expressed her wish to continue with Roselia as long as she could.

A contradiction, though Sayo was hesitant in pointing it out. "Of course. Then, regarding Roselia…"

"We were supposed to be in a hiatus already… And I think it's not… a terrible idea. A few years of… global experience for you, Hikawa-san… of mastering the piano for me… for Ako-chan to experience the last years of her childhood… Of course, if tonight we somehow gather enough momentum we might…proceed differently."

A momentum such as Minato's return, which Shirokane had doubted in the first place. Sayo had no immediate answer to that, so Shirokane continued, "I haven't told Ako-chan… pending tonight's result…"

As though hearing her name, Udagawa raised her voice across the table. "Hey, what are you two talking about? It's almost time to go back!"

* * *

Once again they were back in the waiting room brimming with nervous energy. By coincidence Sayo wound up standing near Raise A Suilen, with only a group of sleepy highschool boys between them. She didn't think any of them had noticed her, and the boys blocked her view of Minato.

The room fell into a hush as the announcements began. Besides an invitation to the FWF, the winners would also receive cash prizes, and the lucky few, not necessarily victorious, stood a chance at catching the eye of label scouts. Sayo only cared for the first, the second was a nice bonus, and the third was antithetical to Roselia. Or maybe just Minato-san. A contract with a label might be the momentum Shirokane needed.

Third place went to the highschool boys standing next to Sayo. Their cheers deafened her, and jostling each other so much one of them almost tripped over Udagawa. Sayo pulled her to safety and glared at them, and almost missed the announcement for the second place.

"… second place goes to Roselia!"

Udagawa started cheering, but then stopped and peered up warily at Sayo. Her hand was still on her shoulder, and Sayo had to will herself to loosen her grip. Second, not first. The second place wouldn't be invited to the FWF. And more importantly, if Roselia had the second place, the first place could still go to —

"… and in the first place, Raise A Suilen!"

Her ears rang. Dimly she was aware of Udagawa gasping and trying to twist out of her grasp. Shirokane's worried gaze on her back. Cat-Ears taunting her specifically.

All of it faded away as she caught Minato's eye. All the disappointment contained in her small frame was poured into Sayo in that single instance. Then Minato marched forward, up to the stage alone without waiting for anyone, not Roselia, not her own band.

* * *

_Notes:_

_Chapter title is from R.I.O.T. I figured that since 3D Roselia did cover it for Rausch and Craziness it fits the titling scheme so far._

_If you've been following this fic for some time you might've noticed that the number of chapters kept growing. That's because I kept underestimating the size of the connecting scenes. But after this point there really are going to be just two short chapters left._


	10. Toward an inverted contrast

**X. Toward an inverted contrast**

"Got the tickets?"

"Let me see… Whoops, looks like I don't!"

"Seriously?!"

"Of course! They don't print tickets for a mall opening, silly — hey, doesn't that girl look like Hina-chan?"

Sayo picked up her pace and tapped out of the station gate before the gaggle of PasuPare fans could catch her. Two stations from the Over The Future concert, a new shopping mall had invited local idol band Pastel*Palettes to celebrate its opening. Indeed the train she'd just hopped off of was more packed than usual.

Inside the mall a crowd had already formed around the stage set at the centre. Sayo rode the escalator. As she searched for a convenient place to watch, someone tapped her shoulder. Turning, Hina grinned and waved in her face, bright and glittery as only an idol could be. It seemed that only her elaborate costume saved Sayo from being jumped on the spot.

"Shouldn't you be down there?" said Sayo, looking around for any staff member or Shirasagi looking to collar Hina back into the ring. They were all down at the stage preparing for the show.

Hina beamed and made a peace sign. "I gotta make sure it's really you! You won, right? Because there's no other way you'd be here."

Her throat caught. She almost looked away as a worm shied away from the sun. Hina was always painful to look at, tonight even moreso. She wanted to blurt the truth. Sayo didn't deserve her absolute faith in her. _And yet she gives it to me. Hina is as Hina does._ The least Sayo could do in return was to not squander it. Now was not the time to blot Hina's brilliance, not before a show.

Sayo unclenched her fists and said, "I promised I'd come, so here I am." _One year ago I wouldn't have promised at all. Isn't that a victory of some kind?_ A victory that didn't matter to anyone else and the only victory that mattered to herself, as arbitrary as music itself was arbitrary.

Hina's eyes were positively sparkling as she yanked Sayo's hands. "Congratulations, Onee-chan! I knew you could do it!" Sayo's lips twisted wryly. Hina seemed to choose to interpret that as a genuine smile. Still swinging their hands, she said, "Ah, so, so, can I borrow your guitar? Nothing wrong with mine, but, you know, for luck! And the aesthetics."

Having come this far, what had she left to lose? Her guitar changed hands as easily as lending a coat, with a stern, "Don't break it" and in return a gushing "I'll make you proud!"

"That's unnecessary," Sayo murmured to herself as she watched Hina practically skip down the escalator. Pride and envy were two sides of the same coin when it came to Hina.

Freed of burden, Sayo loitered aimlessly. As her eyes scanned the lineup of clothing stores she thought, or tried not to think of, her other promise. What made her finally take out her phone was a message from Mother. It seemed that she would be taking the night shift again, and she might have forgotten to unplug her tablet, so if Sayo could please check?

On stage Pastel*Palettes had moved into position. Hina was familiarizing herself with Sayo's guitar. In truth Sayo didn't doubt Hina would take good care of it. She was certain Hina would make it sing. Quite suddenly Sayo didn't want to know how much better. If she could pick her victories she could also pick her losses, and with that thought and an excuse well in hand, Sayo returned home.

* * *

Home was quiet and dark. Sayo unplugged Mother's tablet and returned to her own room. Then she remembered she hadn't taken shower and went and did so. Once again Sayo sat on her bed, clean and having absolutely no idea what to do next. High school was over. Her guitar she'd loaned to Hina. Her baking supplies were depleted, and in any case there was no one to gift sweets to. She hadn't bought new books in a year, and the titles lining up her shelves were all related to music.

Absently, Sayo booted up her computer and started NFO, logging on for the first time in months without having been nagged by Udagawa. In fact both she and Shirokane didn't seem to be online at any time recently. Sayo set to do a couple of the easier side-quests. An expansion had dropped during exam periods, and now she had all the time in the world to explore every nook and cranny. There was something about video games that appealed to her base instincts. Time and effort were directly proportional to the results, and improvements were readily apparent. Though even now she realized it was an illusion — the fantasy of progress was the point — for now she was content to lose hours to the game.

And hours she did lose absorbed into the game, until her door was violently thrown open. Hina waltzed in. "Onee-chan! I'm home! And look at the abandoned puppy I picked up on the way!"

Torn, Sayo missed her chance to remind her that their flat didn't allow noisy pets. Just as well, Imai's head appeared above Hina's shoulder. "Hinaaa, who're you calling an abandoned puppy? Hiya, Sayo. Sorry for coming here without your permission."

"I gave you permission," Hina said. "Also Mom said it's a-OK."

Sayo ignored her. "Abandoned?" she asked, worried despite herself.

"That's just Hina speak," said Imai airily. "It's nothing huge. Just that breakups happened and plans fell apart at the last minute, and unfortunately my parents already left on _their_ week-long trip and took all the keys with them."

"You forgot the part where Yukina-chan is still not talking to you," said Hina, gleeful as a cat smelling misery, "and Chisato-chan just left you hanging dry."

"Hina, I told you it wasn't anything like that." Imai turned to Sayo. "So anyway I kinda need a place to crash just for tonight. I'll get out of your hair first thing in the morning, I swear."

Sayo didn't miss the anxiety that wasn't there when she'd addressed Hina. She also remembered how much Imai hated to ask for help, or to be perceived as a burden at all. Her facial muscles were getting a workout tonight. Sayo tried to smile. "I'd rather you not. Our mother wants to meet you."

"Yup, and Onee-chan pretends she isn't, but deep down she's bibbity. So make yourself at home, Lisa-chi! Guests get the first shower." Hina seized her shoulders and steered Imai toward the bathroom.

Sayo sat on her bed, watching as Hina dragged the guest futon and also her own mattress inside while humming to herself. It seemed she was planning to hold the sleepover in Sayo's room, though it had never been the case for the few times Shirasagi had stayed over. She hadn't once asked for permission. _This twin of mine_, Sayo thought exasperatedly. But on the bright side, confined with Hina and Imai on both sides, Sayo wouldn't be able to brood over her loss tonight.

"How could you still have energy after working all day?"

"Because I get to share the bed with you — "

"Absolutely not."

" — and stay up all night together like we used to as kids. Except Mom's away so we don't have to sneak around so that's less boppidy. But mostly because it's the last time we'll be able to talk face to face for the next four years."

"There's video chat and the summer breaks are lengthy."

"Oh, that reminds me! Get this, Onee-chan, we were about to start sound check, right…"

Leave it to Hina to jump from talking about Sayo to chattering about Maruyama's near-miss at their live. _Or maybe I should be happy she's no longer as clingy?_ Sayo sent a silent gratitude and apology to the members of Pastel*Palettes.

Then she was singing praises for Sayo's guitar. "We should do another swap. You could take my guitar for one live, it'd be a boppin' change! Even Yukina-chan — ah, has Yukina-chan stopped being stubborn?"

Sayo sighed. Her pride would be torn, but she thought Hina deserved to know the truth. _Whatever use Hina has for the truth…_ "Hina, I apologize for letting you carry on with a misunderstanding. I didn't win. Roselia won't be going to the Future World FES. Instead it'd be Minato-san and her new band. We're done. Roselia is finished."

Hina blinked and stared. "No way."

"Would I ever joke about Roselia?"

"But you lent me your guitar," Hina said. "And you don't seem as sad as the last time Roselia got broken up."

"I must've got used to it."

Hina laughed as though Sayo's deadpan answer was an exceptionally funny joke. Likely she thought Sayo meant it. Hina would only be sad if Sayo made her distress plain. But she couldn't work her way back and engender the feeling in herself. For Sayo's sake she would have tried to be sympathetic, but once her own event had started the matter would have been forgotten. Her white lie had served the single purpose of protecting Sayo's pride.

Right now, because Sayo feigned glibness, Hina was freed from having to simulate sympathy. Nodding to herself, Hina said, "Right, right, there's still next year. You guys'll get it next time."

"I don't think there will be." The pain was still there, duller with each passing second. It wasn't pride this time; Sayo just wanted to come down to a state where she could think rationally. "Minato-san has already achieved her original goal for founding a band with me."

"But you and Ako-chan and Rinko-chan haven't. If it's the LDR you're worried about, it's 2019 and video calls and remote sessions are totally workable. I can ask around the techies at our studio for tips, if you want."

"The difference in time zones would make it difficult to organize, and at least for Roselia our music is best when we are all present in person. But primarily, I don't think it'd be fair to ask Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san to hang on to a phantom who's always a half day behind."

Something set Hina off laughing. Sayo sighed. Rather than waste her time deciphering what exactly, she slowly hobbled to her feet, announced, "I'm going to make some tea," and exited the room before Hina could stop her. She wasn't angry, but if Hina thought she was and was discouraged from following, then it was all the better for it.

Having lived in the same flat for seven—eighteen years now, Sayo kept the lights off as she slipped into the kitchen. The electric kettle was by the plug by the refridgerator; the hot drinks cabinet was the knob directly above the kettle. The sink under the moonlit window was empty of dishes. Everything set, she turned on the kettle and waited.

As the electric kettle whistled and clicked, she heard also footsteps. Light and uncertain, qualities she would never associate with Hina.

"Imai-san, would you like some tea? Else we have instant chocolate and coffee. You could turn on the lights if you wish."

"Ahaha, if you insist, a cuppa of your secret blend of darkness and moonlight… oh, here's the switch."

Sayo blinked under the sudden assault of light, and squinted. Imai's hair was unmistakably damp and she had changed into nightwear. However, her face seemed more defined than it was during their usual sleepover. "Are you wearing makeup?"

Imai mumbled something that included "period" and "not my house". Sayo understood those excuses separately but not together, so she quietly prepared Imai's tea and invited her to sit. As Sayo took the opposite seat, she reflected that it was unfortunate Mother chose this weekend to work overtime.

"Looks different from what you're having… honey and ginger?" Imai said, divining the ingredients from a single sip.

"Our mother used to make it for Hina's first few periods."

"Hee. And for you? This tastes good, by the way."

"I… never thought it was important enough to bother her with." At least until one cycle intruded on a beach vacation. Mother had been unusually surly. Only now looking back did Sayo understand why, and cringe at her past self's insensitivity. _Not that I've stopped being insensitive…_ At the time Sayo had been more indignant that the one thing that had come easier for her than Hina was useless.

Imai giggled to herself. "That's so cute! it's like you were always a bit of a lone wolf."

"Was that a compliment?" Sayo's smile disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. She remembered now that at around that point her acrimony toward Hina had begun in earnest. The onset of puberty had brought her jealousy and envy to a boiling point, but she had always harbored them since she was little. Growing older only made her see their impressive spread into all her bonds. Minato, the better musician; even Shirasagi for being a better friend to Imai and older sister figure to Hina; and of course Hina's everything. With the latter she'd had help from… friends. Chiefly, the exceptionally nosy magpie before her.

If Imai was here and Hina wasn't barging on them, it could only mean one thing. Sighing, Sayo said, "I wasn't upset at Hina. I merely craved tea and some quiet. I suppose I'll talk to her later."

"I don't think she thinks you're upset at her," Imai replied carefully. "More worried that you're repressing your sadness too much. Or maybe that you're jealous that she gets to keep PasuPare and you don't."

"It doesn't bear to compare the survivability of an agency-backed idol band and an indie rock band." Although, Sayo thought while glowering at her cup, it definitely wouldn't hurt to have a gullible but ambitious rich brat backing your indie rock band.

"Right, so I told her that anyway your true holy grail is your own sound, and Hina said — you know what, I don't remember her exact words, ahahaha."

Ergo something completely tactless and idiosyncratically Hina. And with that Imai would have known about her loss already. Or perhaps she'd heard straight from Minato, loose-lipped with victory. Whatever peace she had achieved alone in the dark vanished. "And you, Imai-san? Why are you here when you could be using this opportunity to repair your relationship with Minato-san? She's victorious, surely she has no reason to turn you away."

Though Sayo had spoken as casually as possible, Imai seemed to have sensed something was amiss. "Like Hina said, I'm giving Yukina space. I'll be there if she ever needs me. But hey, if I didn't know better I'd think _you_ were trying to turn me away," she said lightly. "And that's fine, too, if that's what you need. I can give you the same deal."

She rose. Sayo also stood. The table between them, they stared at each other. "But I haven't fulfilled my promise to you. Or maybe I'm the only one who cares." Sayo leaned forward, unconsciously gripping the table as her tone steadily rose. "Even you didn't believe in me. You knew I'd lose. Second place, always second to Minato-san, that's my rightful place. So you made me promise, so that I would depend on you, because you subsist on — "

"Don't." Paper thin voice cut through her rant. "Don't you dare finish that thought."

Sayo swallowed her anger and walked around the table. Imai's confidence in Roselia or lack thereof had nothing to do with their performance. Lashing out on her would only serve to undo all the progress Sayo had made. Repeating these to herself didn't ease her bitterness, but eventually rationality prevailed.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault that we lost. The truth is there is nothing wrong in placing second — in fact if the first place hadn't gone to Minato-san I… wouldn't have been as bothered. But I have staked so much on defeating her, and… and that is still not an excuse to throw a tantrum on you." Again and again, as a child would. But far from being disgusted by Sayo's repeat offense, Imai seemed more relieved.

"It's not okay to take it out on me or anyone, but I kind of understand, too. I guess that's the thing with Yu — with you musicians, you feel too much but often you find it hard to express. So you turn things into music. Say, the protest movement you've devoted everything into failed to change anything. Or love, maybe that's why every other song is about love. You fall in love, you fall out of a passion you were trying so hard to keep alive… Anyway, where was I going… uh, music. You still haven't given up on music, so that's good. But it's okay to be sad too, at least for tonight."

There was resonance in the way she spoke that set Sayo's earlier suspicion ringing. Up to her last session Imai had always insisted she'd loved Roselia, only that it hadn't been enough to overcome her jealousy. And Sayo had believed her — she had performed together on the same stage too many times, had sensed the passion bared in her music to believe otherwise. And now, though it was too late to change anything Sayo had to dispel all doubts. "Was that your experience? Is that why you quit?"

"…Sayo, I like you a lot but some things are better left unsaid, all right? We've gone through this, and every time we ended up fighting! What is it that you want?" A crescendo of words, until suddenly Imai took a step back. Sighing, with a remarkably level voice, "It's like everything is about Roselia with you, with me. And I get it, you're too loyal for your own good, and Roselia is very important to you and I had a hand in breaking it. And even though you've been supportive — and I do believe you're sincere about it — sometimes I also feel like you still haven't forgiven me."

Sayo couldn't deny the accusation. It must have seemed that way: awkward, guitar-obsessed Sayo drawing close to her polar opposite, initially to lure her back into Roselia. After Sayo and Minato had parted ways, her pursuit had become one of vengeance, seeking redress or at the very least a proof of remorse on Imai's part.

But eventually Sayo had gotten sick of herself. And now, even though she neither wanted to excuse or plea for herself, as Imai seemed to demand an explanation, so Sayo obliged. "I suppose I haven't, though not for lack of trying. If I'd won, if Roselia could've continued existing I'd have no reason to continue hounding you. That was my promise to you. Or rather, to myself, that it would eventually reach you."

Imai's lips curved in a mirthless smile. Her shoulders sagged in resignation. "Well, I just said it so this once is fine, but it's the last time we'll talk about this, yeah? I liked you a lot, Sayo — a lot more than I hated Roselia. That's what it came down to."

Goose feathers raised on her neck. Could it be so easy? Fall in love, fall out of love. Passion and dilligence and camaraderie burning bright and consumed until only the bitterness was left to tell the tale. One hundred and one quirks made life colorful, until one day they were one hundred and one reasons to quit yesterday.

Sayo swallowed her defensive impulse, finally spitting out, "And now you've had it all. Minato-san achieved her dream. Roselia is finished."

Imai's fists curled by her sides. "Don't bring Yukina into this, jackass. I just said the literal opposite! I don't hate Roselia that much — and _you_ love Roselia so much I'd be sad to see it end."

Sayo looked away. Muttered, "My apologies."

Gently, Imai said, "I get it, though, I get what you're thinking. Imai-san just wants to have her cake and eat it too, that fucking hypocrite."

"Stop that. I'm not angry, but if you won't stop disparaging yourself, I will…" Words fizzled into exasperated vapors.

"Be majestically wroth? That's what I like about you." Imai smiled sardonically. "So I'm not gonna impose on you any longer."

Sayo seized her wrist by reflex, her single overriding thought that if she let Imai escape now she would elude her forever. "It's too late for you to wander around, d-dummy. And where else could you go?"

Visibly bemused, Imai bit back a laughter. "Uh, I was just going to tell Hina I'd take her room."

Of course she hadn't believed her. And why would she? Anger was how Sayo reacted to perceived threats to her being. At first it was Hina, and later as her ego encompassed Roselia as well, she had also bared her fangs at Imai and Minato. Comrades, even friends who had the gall to pretend their selfish deeds were for the good of all in Roselia. But it would be selfish of Sayo to hold anyone back when they'd no longer seen any benefits of staying in Roselia; it would be hypocritical as Sayo herself had looked to crossing the oceans as soon as Roselia had come to a standstill. Her pursuit of the truth, her struggles to keep up, her clumsy appeals, through all of them Sayo was back to asking the same questions. But like a good song, her anger had evolved through the journey. Her reaction to being confronted with the same answers was no longer something she could name.

_Put it into music, she said_. Sayo didn't have her guitar with her, but she had her hands. Her arms encircled the other girl with graceless vigor. Shoulders crashed against shoulders. An angry upside-down rabbit bounced off Sayo's eyelashes. Imai's arms trapped her in return before she could retreat, tucking Sayo's head into the crook of her neck.

Laughing, Imai said, "Why is it that your hugs always feel like you're trying to crack me open like a nut?"

"Because you're just as thick." Sayo's retort was muffled with snot and tears. She wondered if it wouldn't be clammy for Imai later, but the hand on her head was unyielding. It was hard to tell who needed it more — Sayo wound her arms tighter, as if greedily absorbing all the warmth Imai would give, knowing well she shouldn't, for Imai would pour all of herself if she was allowed to.

"Hey now, that's… probably true. I'm sorry, Sayo. For taking you for granted. I wish… I wish I could've stayed for you."

Sayo realized two things: that these were the words she had been waiting to hear for a long time — and that she wished she had never heard them. It wasn't worth eroding what little self-determination Imai had eked out for herself. Sayo wrenched herself free. Holding Imai's shoulders as if physically keeping her in check, she said, "I don't care, it doesn't matter anymore. You've said it yourself, it's in the past. We have changed, and you have moved on. Even Minato-san has moved on. If I'm unable to, it's a fault I must rectify immediately."

"But…" Imai opened and closed her mouth, brows stitched together in confusion and dismay.

"You told Minato-san you didn't regret anything, was it a lie? Or perhaps now you would lie, you'd say anything to comfort me and absolve yourself of guilt."

"Of course not, I'd never lie to you. But…"

The inability to lie seemed true, at least. Sayo gave her a moment to try fruitlessly. Once again she embraced Imai, this time without incident. It was enough that one of them was crying tonight. "Then it doesn't matter anymore. In ten years we'll laugh at this."

"That again? You really like that song, don't you." A gust of laughter tickled her neck, and Sayo leaned a little closer into the warmth. Just a little.

"I finally understand you better, even if only a little. So yes, I do, like that song. It's a promise, isn't it? To hold fast to what's important to you now that the future might be better. And in ten years we'll have made something greater of ourselves to make our current struggles a nostalgic memory. Even if it's something as arbitrary and frivolous as music."

Maybe it was Sayo with the placating lies this time, but what of it? It wouldn't be a lie if she held on to it as a promise she would grow into.

* * *

The mystery of what had kept Hina was answered the moment Sayo opened the door to her room. There Hina was, sitting on Sayo's chair, strumming Sayo's guitar, concentrating on a series of papers strewn on Sayo's bed that had Imai exclaiming loudly. Sayo also lent her voice.

"Uwah, it's so much less boppin' in stereo," grumbled Hina.

"What does that even mean — anyway, give it back, it's not for you!"

"My guitar as well."

Pouting, Hina gathered the papers and handed everything to Sayo. "If you didn't want me to find it you should've hidden it better, Lisa-chi."

Imai rubbed her forehead. "I guess there's no helping it now. You can look, Sayo, it's yours."

It was a draft of a song. Strangely, though she didn't recognize either melody or lyrics, she was credited with both. The explanation: "Remember that bet you had with Yukina? We never actually put anything together, so I just took something you said and ran with it."

"Bahaha, really? The instrumentation's all gloomdoom ala Onee-chan, but did she really say 'show me… on stage… your new aspect'?" Hina said, reading off Sayo's shoulder.

Imai batted Hina's grin away. "H-hey, it's very much a work in progress, okay? Sayo's supposed to work on it, too."

"I can't work on anything with the two of you making a noise," Sayo said. Though privately she thought it was entertaining seeing Imai descending to Hina's level when she was provoked. Hina's genius apparently included flustering people.

With some quiet, one thing immediately stood out. "Imai-san, it seems as if this song is meant for a band. For Roselia, to be precise."

"Ah, that." Imai slowly lowered herself to the futon, twiddling fingers like a child caught eating snacks before dinner. "The plan was to hand it to you if you'd won. You know, as a gift to Roselia. And, you know, I promised to help with whatever to get you guys to the FWF, so if I can't go there myself, at least my song can — Hina!"

Hina had draped herself all over Imai. Seeing these two, Sayo wondered if Haneoka students as a rule were more touchy. "Lisa-chi, that's so mushy and dumb!"

"Yeah, thanks, I definitely needed your validation there…"

Sayo couldn't but agree with Hina: it was Imai's presence that Roselia had wanted and needed. Though a song was the next best thing… "If only there was still a Roselia to play it," Sayo said, finishing her thought aloud.

Hina stopped moving, allowing Imai to pry her off herself. "You mean, it's not Roselia if it doesn't include you," she said, haphazardly perceptive as usual. "Because what if Ako-chan and Rinko-chan still wants to continue?"

"…Yes," Sayo said, slightly abashed she had fallen into the same trap as Minato, of making her will equivalent to the entirety of Roselia. "I suppose they might. I'm seeing them tomorrow, to clarify the state of… things. In that case, I shall give them this song."

She looked at Imai, waiting for her permission. Biting her lip, she said, "I know you've thought this through, and you're still disappointed…"

"But that's exactly why you'll stick your nose regardless."

"Haha, you know me. I was just thinking, there's still some time before you've got to leave Japan. And the thing you said about looking back in ten years, well, don't you first have to have something to look back at?"

Sayo tilted her head. "Do you mean the few videos of our performance floating around on the internet?"

"Well, there's that, but there's also…" For some reasons Imai glanced furtively at Hina.

"… My idol twin sister?"

Hina doubled over laughing. "Yeah, you have me! But, aha! I see, _someone_ leaked our next release — " Imai's elbow landed near Hina's flank. Not for the first time Sayo wondered if all Haneoka students were attuned to skinship. " — all right, fine, focusing on Onee-chan. I think Lisa-chi means something more ambitious. Like an album! Isn't that right, Lisa-chi?"

"Uh, yeah, that's about it. Wait, no, let's try that again." Imai took a deep breath. "I'll help Roselia produce an album. As in, I'll be your producer for this project. That's so pompous, ahaha… but anyway, sleep on it, yeah?"

But Sayo sat down and implored her to state her proposal, and in the end neither of them got much sleep that night.

* * *

_Notes: _

_Chapter title is taken from Paradisus Paradoxum. Lisa's interpretation 1+ year later might not be quite what's going on in A Season for Fireflies. And while we're on the subject of Lisa, here she's referencing Sakamoto Kyu's Ue Wo Muite Aruko, probably better known outside Japan as the sukiyaki song. I have no idea if the contemporary Japanese youth would know it, but Lisa's into other old-timey stuff, so I figured why not._


	11. Turning black, turning white

**XI. Turning black, turning white**

Her dream was fading even as she struggled to remember it. Sayo hung onto it for dear life. The shaking on her shoulder was persistent.

"I'd let you sleep but your mother wants you up ten minutes ago."

"Go'way."

"Pfft. Now I know why you chose Hanajo, your school starts later than mine, doesn't it?"

"'s your fault I'm sleep deprived," mumbled Sayo as she pulled the blanket over her head.

"All right, I wasn't gonna use this, but — Yukina sent you a message. Like, even Yukina woke up earlier than you, Miss Hanajo Disciplinary Officer."

Sayo tore off the blanket and hauled herself up. Next to Imai's too bright grin was her equally blinding phone. Sayo squinted just long enough to read Minato's name before deciding it was too early to deal with. So first, greeting Mother before she took her after-shift nap. Fortunately for Sayo, Mother was so charmed by Imai's company that her rebuke for oversleeping was fairly short. Then Sayo washed her face and started on breakfast. Then, she read Minato's message. Yesterday, which felt like a week ago, Sayo was certain she had congratulated Minato on her victory. What else could she want?

**Minato Yukina**: Sayo, I hope I didn't wake you.

**Hikawa Sayo**: Not at all. How may I be of assistance?

**Minato Yukina**: Are you free next weekend?

**Minato Yukina**: There will be a RAS concert at CiRCLE.

**Minato Yukina**: I'll see you backstage after the performance.

**Minato Yukina**: Bring Lisa with you. She should be back by then.

**Hikawa Sayo**: Of course, if she's agreed.

**Minato Yukina**: I'll send you the tickets.

"Uh oh, that's not a good frown. What did Yukina want?" Imai sat in front of her, though not to eat as she had apparently sat down with Mother and Hina earlier.

Sayo absently traced her brows, but left them contracted. "Minato-san wants me to watch her concert next week."

"So soon? Ah, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't mean to rub it in. Probably. It's just her idea of a good time." She didn't seem convinced herself.

"Minato-san won the competition. We haven't set the stakes, but I suppose I'll hear it after the concert."

"Hmph. Well, are you going?"

Sayo watched. If Imai was nursing jealousy then she had become skilled at concealing her emotions from Sayo. She decided it was impossible — or just highly improbable — and answered, "Minato-san also wants you to come."

As predicted, it was the first time Imai had heard it. Her expression soured. "Yukina's PR, are you."

"On the contrary, she's always assumed I'm yours." Sayo very carefully kept her suspicions to herself. It was a longshot, anyway. Sayo and Minato were similar, but not fundamentally. In the first place Minato hadn't seemed capable of jealousy — it was one of the many things Sayo had admired of her. "If for any reasons you don't want to go, I'd tell her so in no uncertain terms."

Imai shook her head. She made a peculiar expression that probably came from the same feeling Sayo had whenever she received second-hand retelling of Hina's mischief. "I'm sorry you got mixed up. Honestly, I don't understand what she's thinking of anymore. I guess you've got the right to know. We're not really fighting, but like you said, I'm overbearing and that annoys Yukina, so I try to stay out of her way. Except whenever you're around she does… this. And like, I don't want to discourage her when she's being proactive for once, but it's like I'm just another point to score against you. Actually, scoring with you seems more like it."

She couldn't imagine Minato currying favor with anyone, let alone Sayo, so long as music remained an avenue for the both of them. They had nothing else in common. "That's unlikely. One could say she's too kind to do anything decisively that would hurt you. I'd say she's too cowardly to change anything for good or ill."

"We're talking about Yukina and not your old self, right?" Imai's gaze was painfully knowing.

"Insofar that my current self proceeds from my old self… You could be assured that, at best, Minato-san is sincere in trying to do better." At worst? Imai probably knew that better than Sayo ever could.

"Yeah, I guess I gotta, seeing as you've held your end of the deal."

What deal? In lieu of answering, Imai urged her to answer Minato's message first. By now used to Imai's attempts to divert the conversation away from herself, Sayo nevertheless heeded her.

**Hikawa Sayo**: You should still ask Imai-san directly. But as for me, I'd like to invite one other.

**Minato Yukina**: How audacious.

**Minato Yukina**: Very well. Consider it my belated birthday present to you and Hina.

And fortunately for Minato, arrogance more than made up for her awkwardness.

"You know, if I didn't know better I'd say you two were having more fun competing against each other."

Sayo wracked her brain trying to connect this observation to their previous conversation. Imai snorted and leaned back. "Don't think about it so seriously. I'm just trying to understand the Yukina-and-Sayo dance. The Sayo-and-Yukina dance?"

"Are we not soulmates?"

"Naaah. I mean, you are, but with you two it's gotta have musical components." Imai demonstrated, her index fingers twirling around each other. "Like, rondo, A-B-A-B, round and round."

"There's a C, the turning point. That's you." Like a predator, Sayo's hand swooped down and captured both fingers. Finally drawing a crooked — and therefore genuine — smile out of Imai. She let her go. "And Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san, I suppose. At which point we wrapped it up and found another form more suitable for a rock band."

Sayo finished her breakfast while listening to Imai talk. Hina had left early after getting a call from Hazawa, or maybe it was Shirasagi. So boppin' was the call that she'd barely got that much before dashing out the door. A shame, Imai said, she had just started telling her about the first phase of PasuPare's plan to take the country by storm.

"Though Maya's also going to attend uni. Chisato, too, and last I heard Kaoru's getting into a big name theatre. I guess that's the way it is with everyone. Now that we've graduated everyone's moving to bigger, better things."

Sayo hummed noncommittally and stood. The sun was getting into her eye. The sky was clear. She would be seeing Udagawa, Shirokane, and Wakana — Sayo decided it must be somewhere outdoors for a change. She opened the window and breathed in the seasonal warm air. And sneezed, snapping Imai out of her reverie. Sayo waved off her concern. Pollen season had begun. It was, finally, spring.

…The dark clouds seemed to have moved into her dining room instead. Sayo fretted quietly, wondering how best to proceed. If it was something she ought to inquire into at all. Because surely it was the same, persistent issue and badgering would have an adverse effect, notwithstanding that Sayo was part of the issue. It was a fine thing to tell someone everything would be OK even as she was planning to board a plane to another continent.

Their eyes met and it was like the sun had escaped the clouds. "What's up, Sayo? The weather not to your liking?"

"No, it's nice. I was just wondering what you'd do next, Imai-san?"

"Ha, that's a good question. Your mother said I could stay longer if I wanted but I'm thinking of bribing Yukina with cookies into letting me jump off her verandah. I've broken into my room once, it's doable."

"I… think you should have that fixed soon. And while your parents are away it might be better if you stay with us. In fact, I insist."

"Oho, when you said it like that, how could I refuse?"

Sayo cleared her throat and quickly said, "But I was — since the topic was on everyone's post-graduation plans and I — or perhaps you've mentioned it but I haven't been paying attention…"

Imai seemed surprised at first, then pleased, then apologetic. "I never got around to telling you, since results came out while we were, you know."

Sayo nodded. "While I was being a S-ranked asshole."

"Don't gotta sound so proud, dumbass," grumbled Imai. Though she returned Sayo's half smile, diffident for diffident, all resentment if not completely banished at least revealed. _I'd miss this._ The thought came to her with the clarity of watching today's weather forecast. Throughout her life Sayo would make meaningful bonds such as this. And she would nevertheless leave these bonds behind when the time came to search for greater heights. Or — Minato came to mind — when Sayo had nothing else to offer the other party. And it wouldn't be a tragedy, because at another time their paths could intersect and those same bonds would resume as if nothing had changed. And if not, surely what they had received from each other had been engraved into their hearts. Maybe that was what adulthood was made of.

"…aaaand I've lost you. Earth to Sayo, blink twice if you've left orbit."

Sayo shook her head. "No, I was listening. You're going into nursing. I think it's a good match. You'd be excellent at it."

It would take her further away from music, maybe as far away as America was from Japan. _But while the earth still turns our paths might cross yet again. Right, Imai-san?_

Unable to read her mind, Imai didn't seem at all impressed. "Thanks, but that was three topics ago? Just now I was talking about setting up your Instagram."

The morning flew by as Sayo was given a crash course on the various social media, finally touching them for the first time in her teenaged years, gritting through her reluctance for the sake of "making your music heard" and "keeping in touch" and also "networking". Though using the same channels, they were somehow distinct enough matters, and somehow Sayo had agreed to try all of them. Now, in the few months she had left before leaving Japan. _The things I do for my… what, partner in crime? best friend?_

And also, _when did I start having friends instead of bandmates?_

* * *

Although perhaps a little audacious, Sayo's request to Minato had been made in earnest. She'd only had one opportunity to watch Minato's performance as she was meant to, from the audience's floor. In her valiant attempts to flee from Hina's shadow, Sayo had chosen the guitar, and specifically the electric guitar, as it combined two things that eluded Hina: diligence and the patience to harmonize with other people. Or so she'd first thought. With each band she'd joined Sayo'd come closer to giving up on the concept of girl bands altogether; more than one ex-"bandmates" had suggested that her refusal to lower herself to their level was a betrayal to her gender. And then Minato Yukina had appeared and showed her she could hold fast to her principles, and not only that, that _their_ uncompromising method would pave the way toward the heights Sayo could only dream of.

Sayo wondered if Minato knew how much her trust had meant, that it had meant everything to Sayo that there was a place in Roselia reserved for her even when she had momentarily lost herself. Probably not, or Minato wouldn't have so easily been spooked by Sayo entertaining going to America. Odd how she hadn't used to mind the inequality in their relationship, then a counterweight to the inequality in her relationship with Hina. But people change, and so do relationships. Even Minato and her music changed.

The promised weekend, Sayo went down with the other Minato Yukina fans to join the crowd cheering for Raise A Suilen. Not all things had changed. Despite her dissatisfaction, Udagawa had been the most excited to go to the concert, and even Shirokane was bursting with anticipation. Minato's voice still ran a chill down her spine, and there on that stage Sayo saw a glimpse of the path to the pinnacle. It wasn't the same path Roselia had walked on. But surely there was more than one way forward. It seemed appropriate that it was also Minato who had taught her this lesson. And for that, Sayo gave her all the ovation she deserved.

Her surprise when the concert ended and Minato announced the end of her collaboration with Raise A Suilen was also genuine.

"…As of tonight, my contract with Raise A Suilen has ended. It has been a pleasure," Minato said, looking back at her band. All were blindsided. Cat-Ears in particular looked like Minato had stolen her lunch money, which Sayo supposed wasn't far from the truth. While everyone was struck dumb Minato turned and exited the stage. Then the drummer began to laugh. Nearby, Udagawa whispered, "Poor Rokka-chan", among the buzz of the audience. As the lights turned back on, she touched Shirokane's and Udagawa's elbows to get their attention, and led the way to the backstage. Sayo nodded to Tsukishima on the way. Though flustered, she allowed the three of them passage as had been arranged beforehand.

In comparison to the audience's confused, gradually angry buzzing beehive, the backstage was a bomb test site. Sayo opened the door to a tableau of Cat-Ears coming close to strangling Minato, held in check only by the gangly keyboardist. The guitarist fretted while the drummer lounged on a sofa, seemingly the only person entertained by the whole thing.

"… FUTURE WORLD FES for you! Let go, Pareo, I'm gonna wring her tiny — !"

Pareo yanked her back and Cat-Ears swore. In English, so that Minato didn't even seem to realize Cat-Ears was insulting her father.

Sayo decided she didn't need to ever know, and stepped in loudly, Udagawa and Shirokane hurrying behind her. "Excuse me, is this a bad time?"

Minato's eyebrows twitched in surprise. In a blink she'd regained her composure. "No, you're right on time. Now, Tamade-san — "

"It's Chuchu, you condescending _little shit_, you've never taken me seriously — I — we're all just _tools_ to you — "

Minato's expression was prim, a towel wrung to a straight line. "I won't explain myself. You may think of me what you will. From the beginning I've made it clear I would honor our contract, and anything beyond that was always subject to circumstances."

Sayo couldn't help but sympathize with Cat-Ears. So far it followed the the script for her exit from Roselia. _Minato-san is as Minato-san does_. Therefore she was also surprised when Minato bowed. "Nevertheless, I apologize if I've deceived you with the promise of a longer collaboration. As I said on the stage, it's been a pleasure. Know that I've given Raise A Suilen my best, and in turn I have seen much improvement from you all. My decision to not extend the contract is entirely due to myself."

A loud noise interrupted her. Not Cat-Ears, but the drummer laughing derisively. She uncrossed her leg and leaned forward, chin on fist. "What the hell, everything was interesting until you started bowing. Oi, get up, look us in the eye when you say highfalutin shit." Defiantly, Minato lifted her head. "That's more like it. Well, it's been a blast, too. Thanks for showin' us what to do… and what not to do."

The last she said with a leer. Like a tiger uncoiling itself she rose. Yanked Cat-Ears by the collar, relieving Pareo of her charge. "C'mon, Chuchu, we knew this was coming."

Incoherent noises, then finally Cat-Ears roared, "_Fuck you_, Minato Yukina, I don't need your charity!" and allowed herself to be carried out. Sayo, Shirokane, and Udagawa hastily gave them passage, Udagawa exchanging chagrined smiles with the guitarist.

Then it was just the four of them, the remaining husk of Roselia. The silence grew thick as Sayo — not out of instinct, to be sure — gave Minato a chance to explain herself. They'd gone through this. The last time Minato had merely considered, but never actually thrown them away. Now she had done it to two bands in quick succession. In terms of theme development, it was as if a performer had confused the first page with the last page of the score. _It's just as well I'm an idiot who never learns._

As always, Minato took the lead. "I thought I'd told you to take Lisa," she said pointedly.

Sayo shrugged. "I believe I've repeatedly suggested that you ask her yourself. Imai-san is otherwise indisposed of. Meanwhile I knew of two of your other biggest fans."

Udagawa said, "Yukina-san, this isn't because of us, is it? I mean, you won, you could've gone to the Future World FES."

Minato said, "Well, no. It was my bet with Sayo, though she didn't know. If you'd won — Roselia with your bonds and the music you've forged together — I wouldn't have minded if you'd won. I'd prefer it."

"But… you don't like losing. And it was a serious contest between you and Sayo-san."

Minato's gaze seemed to pierce through Udagawa. "You wouldn't understand," she said dismissively.

Well, she'd tried, Sayo thought, preparing to step in. But Shirokane surprised everyone by speaking up. "And if you wouldn't explain… no one would understand… if that's what you want, Yukina-san… we should end here."

Called out on her bluff, Minato twitched and lowered her head. Slowly, like moving the ocean with bare hands, she spoke. "… Just so. In winning the contest, I discovered something about myself, a victory far more important than of our juvenile match. I like singing. I love singing more than anything else in the world. So much so that I would throw away the friend — even the comrades I dragged into my quest when they failed to keep up. In trying to banish the spectre of my father's failure, I've become the very person who had betrayed him."

"While I wouldn't deny you your newfound wisdom," Sayo said calmly, "and while I understand the allure of disparaging yourself so that others may do no worse, it's a disservice to Imai-san to continue using her to flagellate yourself, don't you think? Are you so conceited as to make her retirement about you and deny her this bit of selfishness?"

Udagawa said, "Sayo-san, that's too harsh!" But Minato merely glared at Sayo, jaws sealed tight. Maybe not for those other things, but in Udagawa's presence Minato became conceited enough to bear Sayo's reproach. And for Minato and Sayo only a straightforward approach held value. Making a verbal sandwich out of criticism would only incite their prejudice.

Still, precision mattered. Minato was silent, which meant she'd hit the target. Drawing back slightly, Sayo said, "Although perhaps this isn't about Imai-san. Maybe after discovering a fact about yourself you find yourself even further afield. That you would quit a band as soon as you'd delivered them to a peak — could it be that you're giving up on bands altogether?"

"Yukina-san, is that right?" Udagawa asked, scandalized.

Minato raised her chin. Ignoring Udagawa, she said, "That cocksure speech had better mean you also understood that only fools would still want me back."

Though losing sight of herself didn't seem to mean Minato had misplaced her arrogance and pride, Sayo thought wryly. Good, so she hadn't changed. Although perhaps a different approach was needed. Slightly sideways, but still within view.

"You're slightly mistaken. It is true that I owe you an apology. You and I are alike, Minato-san. We're single-minded, or obsessed, or any other name you could attach to it. We take music seriously, quite possibly more than anything else. Until recently it meant putting all our stakes into Roselia. So I understand that applying to an American school behind your back must have seemed like a betrayal. Or even worse, that I no longer believe in you, or Roselia."

Minato's expression barely changed as Sayo made her speech, but for the twitch at the end. "We are nothing alike. _I_ am not hung up on the past and — and stupid bonds and promises." She nearly spat the last word, and grimaced. Sayo wondered if Minato was more annoyed that her precious voice had betrayed her.

"You might be correct," Sayo said, calmer still. "Perhaps your decision to quit Roselia and Raise A Suilen were not influenced by me. It is only yourself that is ever in doubt — it's yourself you cannot trust."

Sayo and Minato were alike. The world was a confusing place, and other people were especially confounding. By arrogance or caution, the only thing they could trust were themselves, and everything could only make sense as they were related to themselves. Therefore Sayo could only tolerate so much uncertainty about herself. Without knowledge of what she was capable of and what she wanted or needed, how could she proceed forward?

"It is as you said, Minato-san." And how many times had Sayo uttered the same statement? Eagerly affirmed Minato's opinions, so much more eloquently expressed than her own? _The Yukina-and-Sayo dance, Imai-san, if only you were here to see it._ Minato'd had her spin; now it was Sayo's turn. "We'd be fools to take you back as you are now."

"But, Sayo-san!" Udagawa spluttered. Shirokane too didn't hide her surprise. It wasn't quite what they had agreed on. Sayo looked at them in turn, quietly asking them to trust her.

Minato's frigid glare was relentless. "I've never asked you to. If that's what you're here for, you can stop wasting my time."

"Then surely you could tell me the reason I was summoned to witness your encore performance. I'm certain it's not merely to show me that Roselia was not special — that I, or Tamade-san, or any of us is interchangeable."

"I don't know, why don't you tell me, Sayo?" Minato said, as close to sulking as Sayo had ever seen of her. "Since you seem to know everything."

Sayo inclined her head, conceding. "My apologies for overstepping my boundaries. If we may say one last thing, Minato-san?"

This caught Minato off-guard long enough. Udagawa shot Sayo a questioning look. Sayo nodded, and Udagawa said, "Y-Yukina-san! We still can't forgive you for quitting without talking to anyone!"

Minato opened her sharp mouth, but Shirokane was faster. "But we understand that even you might have doubts… and that you might have required some time to yourself… away from Roselia…"

"We're here to return to you what you've given us," Sayo said. "Minato-san, you didn't give up on me when I lost my way. To be sure, this time we might have passed each other like ships sailing through the night, but that just makes us even. We can now start again with a clean slate if you so wish. Now that you have broken the curse of your father's past, it's up to you to decide if your purposes still align with Roselia's."

Minato scoffed. "And what is that?"

"The only purpose for which Roselia exists: we make the best music." With one last pleasant smile, Sayo turned and exited, Shirokane and Udagawa following a step behind.

The tension left only when they were outside CiRCLE, and bit her in the back as Udagawa lowered her voice to approximate a pre-pubescent boy, and said, "'The only purpose worthy of Roselia — making the best music.' That's so cool, Sayo-san!"

Except Sayo hadn't imitated Seta Kaoru's signature move when she'd said it. Embarrassed, Sayo cleared her throat and said, "If you're quite finished, we'll have an early start tomorrow and I don't want to see anyone come in late."

Udagawa made a salute that did nothing to dispel her Seta impression. She sobered quickly. "Do you think Yukina-san will come? We didn't even tell her the time."

"She'll know if she still keeps Roselia at heart."

Udagawa frowned, head slightly bowed with disappointment. Sayo hesitated, then told herself it was for Roselia's sake, and patted Udagawa's head.

* * *

The next day Sayo woke up with a strong sense of déjà vu. Her shoulder was shaking as though there was an earthquake.

"… dunno how you stuck with kyūdō club with all its morning practices."

"Keeps out noisy people like you," Sayo mumbled, blindly batting Imai's hand away.

Imai's laughter tinkled like a bell, as pretty as it was annoying in the morning. Sayo deeply, keenly regretted asking her to stay the night in order to prepare for today's work. Despite getting even less sleep, Imai fairly glowed, her shine burning against Sayo's eyelids.

"Hey, if you don't mind missing Yukina's early morning dispatch, that's fine too," Imai said, bait in hand, skillfully fishing Sayo out of bed.

The message was short, sent an hour ago, asking Sayo to meet her at the cafe outside of CiRCLE half an hour before Roselia's usual rehearsal time. Which left her less than half an hour to prepare before dashing to the appointed place.

She paused just once on the front door, looking up from fumbling with her shoes. "Would you like to come?"

Imai didn't answer immediately, adjusting the straps of her bass case. "Do you need me?"

"You know my answer," Sayo said, shooting for playful and landing on hopeful.

If Imai noticed she didn't mention it. Gently touching forehead to forehead — the cases on their backs thwarting anything further — Imai said, "Thank you, Sayo. But you also know mine. I'll take care of everything else, you go settle your business with Yukina."

She tugged on the corners of Sayo's lips for a second before abandoning the effort. "Never mind, your smile would scare Yukina more."

Minato had already been seated at one of the tables. As Sayo approached she was in the process of emptying half a dozen packets of sugar into her coffee. Sayo apologized for coming late, and Minato replied that she had arrived at exactly the moment Minato had predicted. This too was familiar.

Today Minato had skewed winter's laced, heavy longskirt in favor of a laced, knee-length skirt. Wind fiddled her hair around the ribbons of her silk blouse. Minato's lips slanted slightly higher than usual as she offered Sayo the other cup of coffee. Sayo wondered if Imai hadn't been onto something in wanting Minato to smile more often. A good night's sleep seemed to have done very well for her.

Privately — with coffee, the intoxicating drink of choice for minors such as themselves — Sayo toasted to the arrival of spring.

Minato broached the silence first, with a curve ball. "Lisa was at your place last night. My mistake, I had it backwards. I tried to talk to her, to apologize, only to hear your voice in the background."

It must have been the moment she'd caught Hina trying to eavesdrop on Imai's phone conversation. She didn't remember if Imai had used her phone at any moment afterwards. Minato continued, "It didn't seem like a good time for a call. And so I'm grateful you'd interrupted us. At the time I was… not in the right frame of mind. I would have begged, promised things I'd never follow through to have her playing the bass for me again."

Sayo sat up straighter, alert in case she needed to make some last minute changes. "And now?"

"Be patient. Then I talked to someone else, and came back to my senses. I still owe Lisa an apology, of course. But frankly that's not your business. It's not even related to music."

"As long as you do what is best," Sayo replied sincerely.

Minato waved her hand, be quiet. Sayo inclined her head, wondering if she ought to loll out her tongue as well. "But I also owe you an apology. To you, Sayo, I've sold a false vision. You know about my father."

She paused expectantly. _Sayo, fetch?_ Nevertheless, she indulged her. "His bandmates betrayed him and made a deal he hadn't known beforehand. He chose to abandon music rather than sell out. For that reason you wished to show him that it's possible to reach at least the FWF without compromising your sound."

Minato nodded. "I wished to convince him to restart his singing career. It was a naive child's dream. My father had been heartbroken, yes, but he had a more practical reason for his decision: me. His family, my mother and I, whom he had wanted to provide for. Even if he had swallowed his pride and bowed to the agency, it wouldn't have guaranteed a steady income that would have also allowed him to be there for us."

Minato's expression barely changed, though shame had burrowed in her voice. Sayo revised her earlier impression: not the calmness that came of a restful night but the exhaustion of foregoing sleep.

"Of course I respect him for making the difficult choice. But that was then. Now, when we could afford for him to start again, after I'd showed him it wasn't impossible… he said he'd found fulfilment in his current career, now, even if he hadn't at the start. He wouldn't have traded it for music," said Minato wide-eyed, as if she found the very concept of a musician finding satisfaction in other occupations a conspiracy theory.

To gallantly pursue her passion believing that it would save her father, only to discover it was herself her father had wanted to save from a certain fate. It didn't quite resonate with Sayo, but she could spare some empathy. "He must have made what he thought was the best choice under the circumstances, but If I may be so bold, I've never shared this part of your ambition — I'd wager not even Imai-san. You've hardly sold us any false visions."

Minato side-eyed her, stirred her sugar-with-coffee without drinking it. "I wasn't expecting you to. Do you not understand why I'm telling you this? What kind of a person do you think I am? I abandoned Roselia so that it couldn't have been said that you, Sayo, have abandoned me first, and just as soon strung along another naive fool for the sake of my ambition."

"And you abandoned them too, because you love singing," Sayo said quietly. She was beginning to understand the girl before her, their likeness, and the crucial juncture where they had parted ways. She understood what was required of her, even though Minato herself didn't seem to realize it. And why not? Many a thing Sayo had received from her, and she had committed to returning everything, and more.

Sayo continued, "This is the difference between us. You would cut off anything that weighs you down from advancing in music. I would sooner destroy my guitar if it came between myself and the things precious to me."

And Sayo had come close to it if Hina hadn't stopped her. Last time it had been raining cats and dogs. This time it was a clear, blue sky. Sayo said, "Perhaps I hadn't always been that way. I know that was what had drawn me to you. I was, at least at the time, desperately immersing myself in music as one who was drowning clung to a driftwood, the same as you."

Minato shook her head, frowning. "Maybe on the surface, but you were always able to find other things. Whereas I am worthless without my voice. The one person who believed I could do anything I've driven away from my life."

Sayo bit her tongue on that last part. One thing at a time, she told herself. And anyway they both had to change to turn their relationship into something close to functional — both Sayo and Hina had had to change first to have a shot at repairing theirs. But first Minato must believe herself capable of changing.

Carefully, Sayo said, "Until last week, I'd never have thought you would deign to incorporate digital sounds in your music. Or share a significant portion of the lines with another. Surely that's not the end of it. The pinnacle is farther yet still. And did you forget the time you indulged Udagawa-san's wish to play NFO?"

Minato jutted her chin, weakly Sayo thought. "Did you forget I've changed bands not once, but twice in quick succession?"

"I don't think you'd do it again. Neither do Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san. Unless you're already planning to quit before you've begun?"

"Don't patronize me," Minato said, belligerent.

Once, on a coffee date such as this, Minato had complained — a spur of the moment, given her embarrassment later — of one too many interference from Imai. Kindness demanded a response in kind, one which she hadn't understood how to give. At that time neither had Sayo, but she'd remarked that Minato's concern in itself was a proof of kindness. Now she thought that for all their affectations to the contrary, Sayo and Minato also sometimes talked more than they ought to act.

She finished her cold coffee and urged Minato to do the same. "Why don't we see for ourselves," she said, and rose. Sayo entered CiRCLE, greeting Tsukishima. She felt rather than heard Minato shadowing her, and proceeded into the studio Roselia usually reserved. Drumming and synth waves assaulted her ears as she opened the heavy door.

"Ah, there they are," said Imai, looking up from her conversation with Wakana. The music stopped immediately.

Sayo entered, daring Minato to follow her with her eyes. "I see you've started without me. Have you no faith?"

Udagawa started denying the accusation, but Imai merely turned her hand. "Of course I trust you. It's Yukina I don't. But here you both are, so! Introductions first. Yukina, this is Rei. Rei, Yukina. Now, you both have similar timbre, but I think Rei's slightly better at the bass, but that shouldn't be a problem since we're recording. I'm thinking duet for some, or you could take turns, or we'll just play it by the ear."

Minato and Wakana awkwardly shook hands, sizing each other up as Imai prattled on. At the last word Minato said, "Wait, what are you fast-talking me into?"

"Sayo didn't explain?" Imai turned to Sayo, hands on hips. She shrugged in reply. "We're going to record Roselia's first album — that is, you'll be performing, and I'll take care of things on the other side of the glass. With your input, of course."

"It's so we have a mark of ourselves as a band," Udagawa said, bouncing in her seat. "Or individual musicians, whatever everyone decides later on. But the point is, Sayo-san says we should have something to look back to and, and…"

Shirokane said, "It'll be something to… measure our progress against… in ten years, perhaps. Or in four years… after Hikawa-san's returned from America…"

"Well, that's future talk. For now there's a few months until Sayo has to leave, so there's plenty of time for promo concerts and stuff. Maybe even another LP." Imai checked her watch. "_Right now_, there's only a couple of hours before we need to get to the recording studio. So I only reserved one hour today. Since Yukina's fresh off performing yesterday (and hasn't been sleeping, don't think I can't see that) we'll take things slow today. Let's rehearse, say, three songs, and hopefully record all of them. Maybe the ones Rei will sing? What do you think, Yukina, are you in?"

Minato stared, and seemed to wake up from a doze when Sayo nudged her. "Lisa, is this a joke?"

"Nope, I've got a stake in this, too. As in, money, I expect to break even at minimum. And a few songs if we could fit them in, but at least one." Imai beamed at Minato as she removed the bass from her shoulder and held it out. "So, what do you say, Yukina? Wanna go on a second, probably last ride on this train with me and Sayo, and everyone else?"

Even though the answer couldn't be anything else, Sayo found herself holding in her breath along with the others. Even Minato herself. It was as if the wrong answer would have collapsed the entire venture. But wasn't it always the case with Roselia? Only the utmost of devotion would be worthy, everything wagered for ten minutes on the stage.

Minato took Imai's bass, slung the strap over her shoulder. She plucked a note. Against the rumble — the lowest E on Imai's favored tuning — she looked at the assembled band and nodded. "Let's go."

The hiatus was over. The time for experimentation was past, now was the time to put the results together. The day had ended, and night had begun, and now it was time to spin a new tale that Scherehazade might live to see another day and another night, and spin another tale. Wakana turned to Imai, asking, "By the way, Lisa-san, what's the name of the album?"

"I thought I'd said it… What do you think, Yukina? It's Roselia's new beginning, so I was thinking of the English word — "

"German. Anfang, beginning. It has a nicer ring, doesn't it?"

* * *

_Notes:_

_Chapter title is from Bad Apple!_  
_Even after finishing the thing I'm still not sure this story should've existed as a sequel, or if it hasn't retroactively ruined the prequel instead. But that's the end of this series, this time for real. Thank you for reading this far. It's been a journey._


End file.
